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But the bigger issue is that I don’t want to admit that my own pregnancy is the result of having sex with all those frat boys because I’m ashamed. I know how ridiculous it sounds because I saw Ryder having sex with four different women, and I forgave him. But there’s often a double standard when it comes to men and women, and I feel like I’ll be judged. Maybe not overtly or consciously, but I’ll be judged by some part of Ryder inside that will label me a slut.
So instead, I continue telling him about the rumor.
“The pool?” Ryder asks. “Really? Can girls get pregnant from sperm in the water?”
“That’s what they say,” I answer without meeting his eye.
He pauses.
“Yeah, but do you think that’s true? Or even possible?” Ryder asks. I shrug and take a sip of water.
“Well, I don’t know,” I mumble. “I mean, I did use the pool a lot, so I guess itcouldbe true.” OMG, this thread of conversation is unraveling fast, and I desperately want to change the subject. My words don’t even make sense to me when spoken aloud! But I’m not ready to tell Ryder about the fact that I fucked multiple men either, so I just try to change the subject.
“Iamhappy that I’m pregnant, though. I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and when I found out, it was a dream come true,” I burble with a smile pasted on my face.
Ryder nods, his voice slow.
“You’ll make a great mom, Ellen,” he agrees. “That’s definitely true.”
I can tell my lover wants to say more, but out of respect for me, he’s refraining.
“Well, I’m glad we agree on that,” I smile.
“No, it’s true,” he replies. “You’re sweet, caring, and loving, Ellen. Any kid would be lucky to have you as a mother.” I’m completely bowled over by these touching words, which somehow mean more coming from such a masculine, rough-around-the-edges man.
“Thanks,” I breathe, blushing. “That really means a lot.” Meanwhile, Ryder takes a sip of his wine, and grins at me.
“So how are you feeling, mama-to-be?”
My stomach growls again, and I blush.
“Pregnancy is such a wild ride,” I giggle. “My body is changing every day, and it’ll change even more before the baby is born. You know that women put on the most weight in their third trimester, and I’m not there yet. OMG, I’m going to be a whale!” I see Ryder’s eyes flash over my body. But then he stares at me with his piercingly blue eyes, and I see a look there that I’ve seen all day today: he likes what’s in front of him.
“What is it?” I whisper with a smile.
“Your weight gain is a turn on, sweetheart,” he growls so low it’s barely audible. “At least for me.”
“Really?” I blurt out, laughing. “That surprises me because I feel all… weird.”
“It shouldn’t surprise you,” he growls back. “You’re beautiful, Ellen. Don’t you know that?”
“I don’t know,” I laugh, shrugging. But inside, I’ve turned to total Jell-O because this man makes me feel so good about myself. He makes me feel beautiful, and I sigh with contentment. Being with Ryder is like living in a dream, and I swear I could float off on Cloud Nine at this moment.
Then Ryder reaches his hand across the table, his palm facing upwards. He’s inviting me to place my hand in his, and automatically, I do. When our skin touches and his hand envelops mine, a deep sense of belonging reverberates all the way to my soul. This man cares about me in a way that no one else ever has, and I know I’m safe.
“Well, in my opinion, your pregnancy only makes you more beautiful,” Ryder speaks in a low growl. I’m just about to say something funny, when he takes a deep breath. “But Ellen, I have something I want to ask you,” he adds, and I stare at him, wondering what it could be.
“What is it?” Fear strikes out of nowhere because I hate surprises, and this doesn’t bode well. Ryder merely clears his throat.
“I’d like you to continue living with me, Ellen,” he rasps. “For the rest of the summer at least. Cancel those viewings you have for other housing because it’s not necessary. What do you think?” My jaw drops because I wasn’t expecting this. “Would you like that? It could be nice, no?”
Immediately, I beam.
“I would love that Ryder,” I whisper. “But I don’t want to be a nuisance. Are you sure –?”
“Of course, I’m sure. You deserve to be safe and comfortable,” he says in a low tone. “And you know I love having you by my side.”
I nod, but there’s a tinge of sadness to my expression, which my lover immediately picks up on.
