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I stare back at him. I can’t help but love the way he’s willing to commit, without hesitation. I’m also at a loss for words. When I don’t say anything else he adds, “You know, I’ve listened to so many love songs. Hell, I’ve written so many, but sometimes when I hear about serendipitous moments or having a feeling something is right, it seems like it's a made up thing to write a catchy song. But being around you, Maci, it feels like some weird full circle moment that’s exactly where we are supposed to be. I’m not afraid of giving this a shot or of giving you the girlfriend title while we do. If you want it, it’s yours.” He says it with half a smile and I can tell he’s hesitant about being this forward with me.
I study the vulnerability in his eyes, wondering how I will ever be able to come up with words that compare to someone who writes love songs for a living. I stick with a simple “yes” and lean in to kiss him before he waits on me to add anything else.
His hands immediately leave my legs and find their way to the sides of my face, pushing his fingers through my hair and pulling me closer to him. I slide forward, unfolding my legs to wrap around him. Our kiss deepens, and I’m already consumed by him. I run my fingers up the back of his neck, into his still damp hair, but suddenly, he pulls back.
He studies what I’m sure looks like fear in my eyes before he says, “I don’t think we should have sex yet.”
I breathe out both relief and confusion. “Okaaaay.” It’s not that I was planning on it, either way. I really am trying to just go with the flow this weekend and let whatever I want to happen, happen, and not stress about it too much.
He wraps his arms around my waist, keeping me close to him. “Look, I don't know what exactly happened in your last relationship, and I don’t need to know. But I do know I want you to be sure about this, about us. Plus, if I mess this up, my sister might actually kill me. So everything is on your terms, and when you’re ready, okay?”
I nod and lean in to kiss him again. It’s different from the intensity between us a few hours earlier when we kissed for the first time. It’s almost lazily, like we are in no rush or at risk of ever having to stop. I love it.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Wekeptkissinglastnight until I physically could not stay awake any longer. Around four in the morning, we crawled into bed. This time, I easily talked him into not staying on the couch. I was out before he could give me another kiss goodnight.
Mack lightly shakes my shoulder until I open my eyes. I rub them until he comes into view clearly. “What time is it?” I ask groggily, still half asleep.
“It’s only nine, babe, don’t be mad. I only have one full day to show you around, and I want to make the most of it!” He sounds like he has a lot more energy than anyone possibly could after only four hours of sleep and no caffeine. I smile at him as I sit.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see!”
I put on the blue sundress I packed and walk out to the kitchen where Mack is filling two water bottles for us. He freezes in the middle of screwing the cap on to look me up and down.
“What?” I ask, knowing very well, based on the heat in his eyes, what he is thinking. Once I got out of bed this morning and it hit me where I was, I thought about how out of character this entire situation is. I feel like a different Maci than I was when I woke up yesterday. It’s not a bad thing. If anything, I feel more like myself, or more like the me I want to be. I put on this dress that was another “back of my closet for a more confident day” outfit. As I slipped into it, no doubt crossed my mind. I don’t know what it is about Mack, but being around him makes me more sure of myself, more in control.
He sets the water bottle on the counter and takes three steps that land him in front of me. His hands reach for my waist and pull me closer as his eyes meet mine. “You look beautiful.” He pauses for a moment. “God, Maci, I’ve thought about being with you for so long. It was easier to be patient when I thought it would never happen.” He shares his thoughts so freely, and I love that about him.
“Hey, I thought we were taking things slow?” I joke, my smile uncontrollable.
His thumbs rub against my hips. “We are. I just want you to know how I feel about you. Does it freak you out if I say stuff like that?”
“Umm, I don’t think anyone has ever felt that way about me, so I’m not used to it, but it doesn’t freak me out.”
“Okay good. Promise you’ll tell me if it does?”
“I promise.”
“Now, ” he grins, “let’s get to making you love California so you come back and see me again.”
“I already want to come back, and I haven’t even left,” I whisper at him before I lean in and press my lips against his. I smile into our kiss, partly because of his confessions, but also a little amused by the flash of a memory of my first day of senior year when I was feeling everything opposite of what I am right now. A path for my future might finally be forming. I know in reality, it’s been the entire past school year that has changed everything, but in this moment, it feels like it was just the day I chose to give Mack a chance that did.
Our first stop is the café down the street from Mack’s apartment. He leaves the car running while he goes in and comes out with two fruit smoothies and a bag full of bagels. “I think the thing I love about you most is you hate coffee too.” A moment of surprise flashes across his eyes when I say it, and I make a mental note to think about my words before I say them. That’s the second time I’ve done that. I didn’t mean love like love, but hi, my name is Maci, and sometimes when I’m sleep deprived and falling for a boy too quickly, the things I say don’t quite come out the same way I mean them. I am falling for him. That’s the first time I’ve admitted it to myself.
“Helloooooo, Maciiii.” He’s waving a cream cheese covered everything bagel in front of my face. I snap out of my trance.
“Hi, yes, bagel, thank you!” I lean over to kiss him, hoping to wash away my feeling of awkwardness in myself.
He smiles. “Alright, to the beach we go!”
The Santa Monica Pier surprisingly looks exactly like I imagined it would. We spent the morning walking along the boardwalk. He’s been telling me about all the places he’s been since he moved to California and everywhere he’s been on tour, which is like 12 different states so far. He moved here on a whim a few weeks after he graduated college when one of the guys in his band used a connection to get them a residency spot at the bar we went to last night. After about a year playing there every week, they started traveling the West Coast to play at other venues. They still aren’t very well known, even now, because making it in the music industry is a challenge, especially in California. The four of them lived together when they first got here to save on rent. Now, with traveling and playing at bigger venues, they make enough to pay for their own places. Mack seems satisfied with the amount he makes since he gets to do something he loves. I love his priorities. I’ve never been big on money being the most important thing as long as I can do what I love. My problem is I still don’t know what I love.
I do know I love food however. “Can we get something to eat?” I chime in when there’s a break in the conversation.
“Anything you want, babe. How do you feel about poké? There’s a great place right here.” He points down a walkway leading off the boardwalk.
