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“But is she okay? I need to know,” I whisper, a pang of guilt flooding through me.
“I think so. I mean I don’t know. She’s breathing, she acknowledged me when I woke her to ask where you were, but couldn’t fully come to enough to talk to me. She’s just drunk…right?” The newfound worry in his tone is evident now. “Are you okay? What happened, Maci?” he asks again.
“I don’t know. I’m confused.” My tears have slowed but continue to silently slip out as I tell him what happened. When the story brings me to the present moment, I reiterate how sorry I am, and how guilty I feel for stopping my search. “I don’t want her to wake up alone. Someone should be with her, but I don’t think it should be me,” I admit. I don’t tell him how much I need him to stay with me.
“It’s okay, baby, it’s going to be okay. We will figure this out.” He’s reassuring, pulling me back into him, his thumb rubbing across my shoulder. Chills shoot up my arm, and I realize for the first time how chilly the night has become.
He pulls out his phone and sends off a text to someone, then sits with me a few more minutes before he stands, pulling me with him. Right as I find my feet under me, his phone dings and he looks at it. “How do you feel about going to Lexy’s?”
I look at him, my eyes welling with tears. There’s no way he can’t see I don’t want to leave him.
“I know, I don’t want to let you out of my sight, but we also don’t know what’s going to happen when Avery wakes. We don’t know what happened in the first place, so this might be easier for now.” He guides me toward his Jeep parked in the alley next to his building.
I nod as he opens the passenger door, and I crawl in the warm seat.
We stand in front of Lexy’s apartment door for at least five minutes, Mack holding me, rubbing his fingers across my back. I’m out of tears and out of energy. He reaches behind me and knocks softly on the door. It opens almost immediately, and Lexy–still in her bartending uniform, jean shorts and a black tank top–steps back, making room for me to enter.
I don’t want to talk about it, and I’m thankful Lexy doesn’t push it. She makes up her couch for me and gets me a glass of water and a set of pajamas. I change, curl myself under the gray fur blanket, and begin to calm myself. I’m staring at the ceiling, simultaneously tired and wide awake. The thought hits me. I know what happened. Why didn’t I know sooner?
Grabbing my phone off the coffee table, I text Mack.I think she was roofied. I read about it in my psych of drugs class. For most people it puts them in a foggy and dream-like trance. But for some people, it makes them aggressive. That has to be it. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. I’m sorry.
Mack:It’s not your fault, Mace. I’m going to wake her and take her to the hospital. I’ll keep you posted. You feel okay, right? Like are you sure this didn’t happen to you too?
Maci:I’m not okay but in a different way.I wish I could be as calm about this as he seems right now.
I startle awake when Mack crouches next to the couch and runs his thumb across my cheek. “Hey, baby,” he whispers.
“What time is it?”
“A little after one.”
One in the afternoon? Why did I sleep so late? Wait, where am I? I open my eyes more to take in my surroundings, and it all comes flooding back. “Avery…” I start to say.
“She’s okay. You were right. And they were glad I brought her in. They said this has been happening a lot recently. There’s guys going around dropping pills in as many drinks as possible, then waiting to see who leaves alone.”
My eyes widen. “What?” It’s not that I don't understand what he’s telling me, it’s that I don’t understand how someone could do that. “Where is she? I need to tell her how sorry I am that I left her. I’m sorry I left her. I was just so scared. I didn’t know what to do.” My voice breaks as a few tears escape.
Still kneeling on the ground next to me, he pulls me to him. The growing panic inside me slowly starts to dissipate as his hand rubs up and down my back. “She’s okay, Mace. Physically too. Just a few scratches from when she jumped out of the car. I wanted her to stay with me, but she begged me to take her to the airport so she could get back to Miller. He’s going to call me as soon as he picks her up.”
I let out my breath before taking a deep one.
It’s okay. Everything will be okay. But it’s not. I’m angry at whoever did this to my best friend. I’m upset I didn’t notice what was happening sooner. The guilt for not staying with her no matter what consumes me. I’m tired, confused and sad. I'm afraid of what this will do to our friendship.
We spend the rest of the day lying together in bed watching movies. Mack picks out a new comedy every time one ends. I fall in and out of sleep because I’m so emotionally exhausted. Mack lets me, and he’s always right next to me every time I wake. He orders us a pizza at some point, but I can’t eat more than a few bites. I hate that I’m wasting our limited time together, but I can’t seem to find the energy to do anything.
I don’t want to leave him tomorrow. I’ve lost my sense of security, and I’m anxious about going home alone and not having him next to me. Everytime I think about Avery, all I see in my mind is her hand pinned against my throat. Then, the shame of giving up my search for her sets in. I don’t know how to handle it. I think I’m too busy wishing it wasn’t something I even have to deal with for me to actually work through it.
I’m not sure if he’s that in tune with me already, or if it’s a coincidence, but every time I feel a rush of overwhelm, Mack pulls me closer to him, and it calms me to my core, even if it’s temporary. I just have to make it through the next month. I graduate in three weeks, so I’ll be busy. Then his band starts a West Coast tour, and he’ll be in Portland only two weeks after that.
When I get back to our apartment, I’m not surprised Avery isn’t there. Despite what happened, I wouldn’t have expected her to be, but I was still holding out hope. I haven’t talked to her at all, and even though it’s only been two days, it feels like longer. I call her, and she answers on the second ring.
Avery:Hello?
She sounds exhausted.
Maci:Hey, I just got home. How are you?
Avery:Tired mostly, the doctor told me the side effects might last a few days. Miller has been taking care of me. It’s almost annoying how he won’t leave my side.
