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CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
Thisweekhasbeena whirlwind getting ready for my trip. I expedited my passport–since I’ve never been out of the country before–and called my parents. They are thrilled about this opportunity. I researched what I could possibly need in Costa Rica that would be hard for me to get there. I ate at all my favorite restaurants and spent as much time with Lexy as I could. There was only one thing left I wanted to do.
Maci:I can’t believe you did this for me, Mack.
Mack:I would do anything for you, Maci.
Maci:I don’t know how to thank you, this means a lot to me.
Mack:Let me drive you to the airport?
Maci:Yes, please.
Mack:What time is your flight?
Maci:Ummm, it’s really early tomorrow…like 7 a.m. Is that okay?
Mack:Of course.
Mack:…do you want to stay at my place tonight? I’ll sleep on the couch. Don’t have to, just figured it’ll be easier, and you won’t wake Lexy in the morning.
Maci:Umm, yeah I think that’s easier.
By the time I get my bag packed, it’s been hours of contemplating how little I can get away with bringing for months in another country. I call an Uber because I’m leaving my car with Lexy. She hasn’t had a car in a while–she doesn’t really need one living a half mile from work–so I’m letting her use mine while I’m gone.
It’s 9 p.m. by the time I get to Mack’s. He answers almost as soon as I knock. Holding the door open for me, he doesn’t say anything as I walk through. He’s standing there in his plaid pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, which feels weird because I’m used to him shirtless. Uncertainty and nerves fill the air as I walk past him, dropping my bag in the entryway.
“Hey.” My voice is barely above a whisper.
“Hey, Mace,” he replies softly, closing the door behind me. “Umm, do you want something to eat? I’m sure you were busy today and forgot, I have leftover pizza if you want.”
I can’t stop the half smile from how well he knows me. “Thanks, but I’m too nervous to eat.”
“Are you excited though?” He leans his hand on the back of the couch, staying a few feet away from me, waiting for my answer.
“Yeah, I am. This is exactly what I want, what I need right now. What I’ve been looking for is on the other side of tomorrow’s flight.” I’m confident in my answer because this feels right, like the next step for my life I’ve been searching for. But when my eyes meet his, I notice he looks hurt, as if me needing to go to Costa Rica means I don’t need him. That’s not what I mean, but part of me wishes I could backtrack anyway. “I was thinking maybe I’ll just try to get some sleep. I have a feeling it’ll be a long day tomorrow.” I walk around the side of the couch where he’s already laid out a sheet and a pillow.
“Please sleep in our bed. You know I don’t mind.”
I don’t have the energy to argue with him, mainly because I’m nervous about my trip and not knowing what to expect, and partly because it’s weird being at my apartment that isn’t mine anymore. “Thanks,” I whisper as my eyes lock with his. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning?”
“Yeah.”
I break our eye contact to walk to his room–what used to be our room. I head straight into the bathroom, brushing my teeth and washing my face. I wore my travel clothes here, leggings and a loose t-shirt. I planned to sleep in them so it’s easy in the morning, and since sleeping with nothing on like I usually do wouldn’t be appropriate. I opt to pull off my bra and leggings before I get into bed anyway and leave them on the bathroom counter before flicking off the light and making my way to bed.
As I fold back the blankets, I spot a picture frame on the nightstand. I run my fingers over the edge of it. I haven’t seen it before. It’s a simple black frame, but it has a picture of Mack and me from the hike we went on the day he played his song for me. As I crawl into bed, I unintentionally sigh so loudly I’m worried Mack might have heard and will come in here. Part of me wishes he was in his room. If I’m being honest, it’s more than part of me. Despite the uncomfortableness currently between us, something about him still calms me when he’s nearby. “Mack?” I call out for him at a volume stuck between a whisper and loud enough for him to hear clearly, like it’s as uncertain as I am about what to say when and if he responds.
The door cracks open, barely enough for me to see him. His hand is on the doorknob, his head leans against the frame. I can see he doesn’t have his shirt on anymore. “Everything okay?” His eyes find mine.
When I don’t respond right away, he pushes the door open further, cautiously moving toward me until he reaches the edge of the bed. When I look at him, I’m not sure what he sees in my eyes because I’m not sure I can decipher my mix of emotions. Whatever it is, he kneels next to me, his eyes full of concern. “Are you okay?” he asks again.
“Yeah, umm, I wanted to say thanks again for doing this for me. I know things haven’t been easy for us lately, and I know it won’t get any easier by me going to another country. You didn’t have to do this. I can’t believe you even remembered me telling you about this dream.”
“I remember all your dreams, Maci. How could I forget?”
All of a sudden I’m nervous with him so close. I’m torn. I’m leaving tomorrow, and I’ll be gone at least two months, probably longer because I know I want to travel more after my contract ends at the sanctuary and finally use my travel fund my parents set up for me. It’s not fair for me to want him to kiss me, for us to try again, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that still.
He swipes his thumb across my cheek, before sliding the rest of his hand against my face. “I just want you to be happy, Maci. Get some sleep, okay?” He leans in to kiss me on the forehead.
