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How is it that the majority of the time he talked a year ago, I was flooded with confusion, but now, every single thing makes me want to melt wherever I am and stay there forever? I internally roll my eyes at myself. Get a grip, Maci. It’s just really good sex. With the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen. Who all of a sudden is willing to share every thought he has about you. The chemistry we share is unreal. That is something that has not changed at all.
Noticing I don’t have a reply, he picks up a taco. I take it as an opportunity to share something else that’s been on my mind. “I’m sorry I wouldn’t have understood why you needed to leave. I wish you’d been comfortable talking with me about your need to come here.”
He sets down the other half of his taco, giving me his full attention. “I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to understand.”
“Like I said before, I don’t think I would have handled it well. I didn’t handle you leaving well either way. It wouldn’t have made sense to me the way it does now. I still would have been so angry with you. I would have thought it was about me, about not being enough for you. That is what I thought, and I’m not sure any explanation would have changed that.”
“It doesn’t mean you didn’t deserve the truth.”
“That we can agree on.” I smile at him. “Can I ask you something?”
He nods.
“I was thinking this morning…the way you left Oregon and me, it’s pretty similar to the way I left California.” I pause before adding, “And Mack. I’m confident it was the right choice. Sometimes I feel guilty about it, like I’m being selfish and choosing what's best for me over someone I love. Did you feel like that? How did you deal with it?”
“Let me ask you something first. How much easier is it this time around with us? Now that I don’t have a lock on my communication skills?” He smirks.
I play along to see where he’s going with this. “You don’t make me want to throw up anymore.”
He does his cute laugh to himself thing I missed so much. “Exactly. Part of me wanted to be all in with you, Maci. But my head was clouded with distractions. What I’ve realized is escaping here, figuring out my life, of course it was about me. But itwasabout you too. You might have wanted to be with me anyway, but you deserved to be with someone who could love you the right way. I couldn’t give that to you at that point in my life.” He pauses, adding the next words in a much softer voice. “If you truly love Mack, he deserves the best of you, and if that comes from this journey you’re on, there’s nothing selfish about that. He deserves more than the little energy that’s leftover after a long day of warring with your thoughts and fighting any unsettledness.”
“Isn’t working through challenges together the point of being in a relationship though?”
“At the end of the day, there is some work nobody else can do for you.”
“Do you think you would have come back to me after you did the work you needed to?”
“Yes.” My question seems to surprise him, but he replies with certainty. “I didn't expect you to be waiting for me, especially after the way I left, but I was sure as hell going to try.”
“I think sometimes things work out how they are supposed to, even if we don’t understand it at the time.”
“I agree.” He chews on his toothpick and pauses for a second before he continues. “As hard as it was to leave you, and despite going about it the wrong way, I still believe I made the right choice–for both of us. Even if it means we don’t end up together.”
“What are you saying, Dean?” I lean forward, my elbows on the table.
He mimics me, leaning in close enough his breath hits my lips. “I’m saying I want to try again, but be better this time. I want you to stay here, with me, at least for a few weeks.” He reaches up and strokes my cheek with his thumb before dropping his hand to mine. He locks his eyes with mine and adds, “To at least see if maybe we deserve a second chance too.”
I pause to consider his offer. “Okay.”
CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE
It’sDean’sdayofftoday, but he had to run to the shop to check on something. I reach into my backpack to pull out my phone, realizing I didn’t touch it at all yesterday. I figure I should check in with Avery and Lexy since I’ve already been here longer than I expected. When I open my texts, there’s one from Mack.
Mack:Hey, just checking in.
My stomach drops, feeling like anything but the direct truth is a lie. I’m not sure how to handle this since I agreed to give Dean a chance to see if we deserve another one. I get the urge to hear his voice, so I hit the call button instead of replying to his text.
Mack:Maci, hi. Is everything okay?
My heart flutters at hearing the softness in his voice he saves for me.
Maci:Yeah, I just had a free minute, so I thought I’d call you. I wanted to hear your voice.
Mack:You know you can call anytime. How are you?
Maci:You’re always checking in with me! Tell me about you, what’s new?
Mack:There is actually something I’ve been wanting to tell you.
