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Lucia sat beside her, angling herself so she faced Hannah. “So, tell me. What happened?”
Hannah briefly described the scene, getting upset again as she exclaimed, “I really thought he was cutting me. I understand now that he was employing that head game thing that Doms do, and which I’ve evenwritten about. But in the heat of the moment, I was totally freaking and he didn’t seem to get it. He just kept telling me to be brave and some shit, and I finally had to use my safeword.” She snorted. “Not that I evenhavea safeword here.”
“Oh, Hannah,” Lucia cried, looking genuinely distressed. “I’m so sorry that happened. I can’t understand how Master Mason could have misread your cues so completely. I guess, in his defense, he’s used to working with subs who are more heavily into a complete power exchange. And maybe,” she added, smiling a little, “he’s so head over heels for you that he wasn’t thinking straight.”
“What?” Hannah exclaimed, shaking her head. “No. He’s not. If there was something brewing between us, and I’m not denying there was a certain, um, attraction, that’s history now.” She closed her eyes, humiliation again washing over her. “I peed on the guy, for chrissakes.” She barked an angry laugh.
“Hannah, no. Don’t focus on that. It’s not important. You were scared. It was a fight-or-flight reaction. It’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, I promise you.”
“Maybe,” Hannah said, not convinced. Letting her embarrassment go for a moment, she said, “Bottom line—this is a community of Masters and slaves. I knew going in that’s not me.” She gave a small, bitter laugh. “I guess I thought I could fake it till I made it, as they say. I got so caught up in the excitement of being a part of The Enclave that I tried to convince myself I could handle this. But what happened just now really crystalized for me that I’ve just been playing a part. Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.”
“It sounds to me like there has been a breakdown in communication between you two,” Lucia offered. “And that’s on Master Mason. As your Dom, it’s his job to make sure those channels remain open. I’m sure he’s beating himself up right now, Hannah. We forget sometimes that Doms are only human. They screw up, just like we do. Setbacks happen all the time in a training situation. Master Mason can be a bit heavy-handed, but he really is a good guy. I know he’s probably feeling pretty terrible right now. Once you’ve both calmed down a little and had a chance to sort things out, I’m sure you guys can work through this.”
Hannah shook her head, clarity finally burning through her distress and confusion. “No, Lucia,” she said gently. “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Truly, I do. And the experience has been amazing”—she snorted—“for the most part, that is. But this is about more than just a breakdown in communication. While I’ll always be grateful for the opportunity to experience a 24/7 BDSM experience, I need to stop pretending this is a lifestyle I could embrace.”
At Lucia’s stricken expression, she added, “It’s not that I’ve fallen out of love with BDSM. Not at all. And I remain in awe of what you guys have here at The Enclave. You’ve all been incredibly kind and generous to open your home to me, and to give me this amazing chance to explore my masochistic and submissive inner self.”
She managed a smile. “I’ve learned that I am a genuine sub with definite masochistic leanings—not just someone who writes about it. And who knows”—she shrugged, blinking away unwelcome tears— “maybe someday I’ll find a Dom that fits my groove. But I’m not 24/7 slave material.” She snorted. “I think we can all agree on that.”
“Oh, Hannah,” Lucia breathed, tears coming into her eyes as well. “Don’t quit before the miracle.”
Hannah wiped away the tear that slid down her cheek. “Maybe that’s the problem. Since I lost Andy, I no longer believe in miracles.”
≈
Mason paced his room like a caged lion as he tried to explain what had just happened. “She was doing so well. Then she starts shouting, ‘Rose, rose!’ Before I could figure out she was using a safeword, everything blew up. She tore out of here like she was on fire.”
“So, are you saying it was the sub’s fault?” Anthony asked in that maddeningly gentle way he had.
Mason sighed. “No. To be honest, there was a part of me that was aware I might be moving too fast with her. But I wanted it so much, I didn’t pay attention. I fucked up. I should have picked up on her cues before it got to this point.”
He ran his hands over his scalp as the events of the last few momentsreplayed in his mind. What a dick he’d been. Talk about amateur hour. There was no excuse for it. Damn it.Thiswas why he kept his emotions out of the equation when training. He’d become so invested in her success, he’d failed to understand what was really happening.
“She was in distress, and I just passed it off as good, healthy sub fear—something she would get past and grow from. I let her down.”
“You will explain that to her,” Anthony said, as if it were an obvious and simple solution. “Lucia is talking to her now. I’m sure, once she’s had a chance to calm down, she’ll come to you. How you handle that will be very important, Mason. I recommend you don’t punish her for running away. She’s probably feeling as terrible as you are. But this can be a teaching moment. For both of you.”
Mason wasn’t in the mood to focus on teachable moments. “It’s not like I didn’t know better. I saw from the outset that she was just a wannabe, but I convinced myself otherwise. I tried to convince her in the process.”
Damn it.Thiswas why he avoided getting emotionally entangled with the subs he played with. First Ashley, now Hannah. He was too old for this shit. He should have followed his initial gut instinct and steered clear of the newbie from the get-go.
He sighed heavily and sank down on the bed opposite Anthony, who had taken a seat in the desk chair. “I never should have suggested we ramp up her training. I never should have volunteered to be her trainer. What the hell was I even thinking?”
“Let’s give her a little time,” Anthony suggested, no doubt assuming Mason was just venting. “Once you’ve both had a chance to calm down, I’m sure things will look brighter.”
“I’m not,” Mason muttered under his breath.
But Anthony was right about one thing. No matter his personal tribulations, he had to prepare and serve lunch, with or without his MIA slave girl.
≈
Hannah looked down at the slave collar she’d discarded and sighed. The fantasy was over. The thought of seeing Mason again, of being forced to relive her humiliation, made her cringe. Maybe eventually, when she’d calmed down, things would look different. But right now all she wanted to do was get the hell out of Dodge.
Setting down her mug, she squared her shoulders. “It’s time for me to leave The Enclave. Really, it’s for the best.”
For a moment, Lucia looked as if she was going to protest. But then she just nodded, though her eyes remained sad. “Okay. You have to do what’s right for you.” She glanced at the wall clock. “Master Anthony has to go down into town after lunch. He can give you a ride.”
Hannah had completely lost track of time. Was she expected for lunch prep after what had happened?
