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I reached out to touch her but then retracted my hand, not knowing if that was an okay thing to do. “Wait, let me grab some wine. Go ahead and have a seat on the couch.”
ChapterSix
The couch is about as uncomfortable as the whole situation in general. From the outside, it looks good and comfy, something solid and unbreakable, but if you look below the surface, it has bent springs and hard cushions.
He skewered me with a hot gaze as he handed me a glass of white wine. The outside of the glass was cold against my fingertips, and a shiver tore down my spine. I was never so nervous. I didn’t want him to be mad. I wanted him to understand why I did it, but I knew he was hurt. The way he moved around and looked at me told me everything I needed to know.
Without thinking, I chugged the whole glass. Julian’s eyes widened in horror. I reached up to wipe my lips with the back of my hand, thinking I’d need another one.
“You hold your wine a lot better than you used to.”
I chuckled, thinking of my best friend. “You can thank Savannah and her Wine Wednesdays. Hutch takes Ben and Rex out for the night to play games while she and I sit on the couch and gossip. You know there’s always good drama in Silverbell.”
His lips turned up into a smirk. “Yep.” He held out his hand, asking for my glass before he disappeared back into the kitchen.
A few minutes later, he was back with my new glass of wine and one of his own. He handed me one before taking a seat on the couch with me; closer, but not touching.
“Why, Anna?” It was a simple question, and I knew it had been coming, but it still made me sick to my stomach. At the time, it seemed like keeping it from him was a good idea. He was chasing his dreams, and I was so proud of him, but seeing the glowering look on his face now, I realize it was wrong of me.
Guilt was eating me alive as I formulated what I wanted to say to him. Tension hung in the air. All my reasons for doing it seemed stupid now. Ugh, what the hell.
I sighed and started from the beginning. “I found out about three months after you left that I was pregnant with Ben.”
His eyes widened, yet brows furrowed. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve come home.”
“That’s exactly why I didn’t, Ace. You wanted to race, it’s always been a dream of yours. If I had called and told you that I was pregnant, you would have given it all up to come back here for us. I couldn’t let you do that.”
“You still could have told me. I could’ve made it work.” He argued back.
I shook my head swiftly. “Julian, have you ever seen the news? You’re literally everywhere, and with so many other women in your life, I figured you were better off. You didn’t need to be tied down.”
The landscape of his face portrayed the hurt. “Did you ever think that maybe I wanted to be tied down? I would have done anything for you, Annagayle. I thought you would’ve known that.”
“I didn’t want Ben to have that life; to have every single facet of his day with the press focused on him. I shouldn’t have to wonder if someones going to jump out of the woodwork and snag him because he’s your son. Here in Silverbell, he’s safe. People assume he’s yours, but no one ever confirmed it. They talk, but it's a small town. We protect our own, and Ben is very much a part of this little community.”
“And believe me, I understand your concerns, but the fact remains that you kept this from me for five years. What if Pop hadn’t passed? How long would I have waited before you told me? When he was thirteen? Twenty? Married? I missed all the firsts. You took that from me; his first steps, his first words.”
Tears formed in my eyes, and a single stray tear escaped down my cheek. “Do you really think you could’ve kept this a secret? How would you plan to keep the press from finding out? They’re sharks, Ace. I wouldn’t force anyone to deal with them, especially my son.”
He looked up sharply. “Our son.”
“What do you want from me, Ace? An apology? I’ve given it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought I was doing the right thing, but clearly it wasn’t. It’s not anything I can take back now.”
He rubbed the middle of his forehead, eyes closed. “What’s his full name?”
My voice was quiet as I told him. “Benjamin Ace Rafferty.”
I gave my son the same middle name as his father. Julian’s eyes opened and looked up at me like he was in awe of my name choice.
“What’s he like?”
My tongue slipped between my lips to wet them before I spoke again. “Well, he’s got the biggest heart. I swear he always knows more about things than he should. He can read people pretty well for only being five years old. Absolutely obsessed with anything car related. Some days I turn on cartoons in the living room. I’ll leave for five seconds, come back, and there’s some sort of racing on the television.”
Julian chuckled at that comment. “He loves Hot Wheels, just like his dad. He has this crazy thing about stars. We actually have a telescope in the house so he can look at the stars at night. He also has a major problem with playing in the dirt.”
“Ha, he’s a boy, Anna. What did you expect?”
“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t change a hair on his little head. He’s perfect. I remember the first time I saw him…” I paused before continuing, realizing that it may hurt Julian’s feelings.
