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“By drugging me?” Noelle shivered as she realized just how vulnerable she’d been that night. She’d woken the next morning in her own bed with no idea how she’d gotten there. There’d been a video of her on the internet. She’d been dancing like a drunken fool. Because she couldn’t remember any of it, she wasn’t sure if she’d acted out because Christian had left with Talia or if he’d taken off because of how she’d been acting. “I thought you broke up with me because of how I behaved that night.”
“I did. When I realized how much danger being with me had put you in.” He shook his head. “They wanted you out of my life. It worked.”
“But you left the party.” She remembered being told that he was gone. Well, that wasn’t quite true. Memories of the evening’s events grew very indistinct after the first hour or so. The next morning the internet had lit up about the horrific car accident. There’d been no mention of a passenger, but she assumed the royal family simply covered that up.
“Because I thought you did. Talia used your phone to text me, saying that if I couldn’t treat you any better then maybe one of your friends would. I chased after you and thought that you were leaving with Andre. At the time I didn’t realize it was Talia. I followed them.”
She couldn’t grasp how his mind had been working that night. “You thought I left with Andre?” The skeptical laughter bubbling in her chest died beneath Christian’s somber gaze. “How could you believe I would do that?”
“You’d been unhappy for a while. I thought perhaps you’d had enough.”
“But to leave in the middle of a party after sending you a text? And with one of your friends?” It stung that he’d understood her so little. “You knew how I felt about you.”
“Yes. But I let you think I wasn’t exclusive even when I knew you weren’t seeing anyone else.”
His phrasing caught her attention. “You let me think? What does that mean? That you weren’t seeing Talia and all the others you’d been photographed with?” Christian had never made excuses for his freewheeling lifestyle or said the sorts of things a girlfriend wanted to hear. Social media had buzzed with his exploits, and while that had hurt, Noelle had recognized that if she wanted him in her life, she had to share him.
“Not after the first few months. I didn’t want to be with anyone but you.” He rubbed his temples. “I hated that.”
“Because I wasn’t beautiful and exciting like all the other women you partied with?”
“You were both beautiful and exciting. But I didn’t like having anyone relying on me for anything. And the way you looked at me...” He sighed. “Things were happening to me that I didn’t like.”
“Things?” she echoed, half afraid of what he might tell her. She’d mostly succeeded at never reading between the lines with Christian, knowing that way led to madness. But then he’d never been particularly vague. Voice light, she prompted, “What sort of things?”
A fissure formed in his granite expression. “Feelings.”
“I can see why that upset you.” She couldn’t resist some faint mockery. It helped hide the pain his words caused.
Why had caring about her been something he’d been so unhappy about? At the time, she would have been thrilled beyond belief to think that she’d meant something more to him than just a tranquil pit stop in his eventful social life.
“I knew from the first that I wasn’t good for you.” He caressed her cheek with his knuckles. “Instead of taking your talent to Paris or London, you stayed in your tiny Carone flat, working for a man who claimed your designs as his own. Being with me kept you stuck. That’s why I encouraged you to send off your résumé and portfolio.”
“It wasn’t your fault that I was afraid.” Of taking a chance with her career and finding out she couldn’t compete. Of losing the man she loved. “I just wasn’t ready to leave Sherdana.”
“But once you thought we’d broken up, you jumped at the chance to interview for a position at Matteo Pizarro.”
“That’s not fair. When I thought you’d chosen Talia, I knew I had to get away from Sherdana.” It wasn’t until she’d settled in Paris months later and discovered Christian and Talia weren’t together that Noelle recognized her insecurities had worked against her.
“Exactly my point. Even after you got the job with Matteo Pizarro, you hesitated.”
