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Unfortunately, the two men standing in front of me, giving me shit, knew me better than anyone else on the planet, and the sound that bubbled up my throat and spilled past my lips betrayed me, alerting them to the fact I was keeping something from them.
Jensen narrowed his eyes. “You’ve got a secret,” he accused. The man was worse than the little old blue-haired ladies in town. He was like a dog with a bone when he sniffed out gossip.
“I slept like shit last night, and that put me in a bad mood, that’s all.”
“Bullshit,” Gage scoffed. “We’ve seen your ass sleep-deprived more times than I can count.” He wasn’t wrong about that. Most of the missions we went on back when we were serving kept us awake for ungodly amounts of time. “Sure, you turn into a whiny little bitch when you’re tired, but this is different.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
They saw right through me.Damn it. This was why having such close friends sucked sometimes. I knew I should have lived my life as a shut-in loner.
I let out a pained groan as the pulsing in my eyeballs spread all the way to my temples. “This is a nightmare,” I lamented pathetically as I pressed the heels of my palms into my eye sockets until everything turned completely black.
“Feel like filling us in on the nightmare, brother?” Jensen asked. “Because so far, all we’re seeing is a miserable prick for no good reason. How about you give us one?”
I grunted like a petulant child as I sat up straight and scowled at them both. “The nanny turned out to be hot, all right? That’s the fucking problem. I hired this frumpy, frizzy, sweaty woman, and the chick who showed up on my doorstep this morning is a goddamn knockout.”
They stared at me in silence for several beats before finally breaking it by bursting into laughter.
“So glad you find my misery entertaining,” I growled.
Jensen wiped a tear from his eye, and I felt the sudden desire to punch him in the face. “Jesus,” he huffed once he was finally able to breathe. “I’ve never seen you look so damn sour over a pretty woman.”
“Did you hear what I said?” I clipped. “She’s not just pretty. She sets off smoke detectors, man!”
“Shit,” Jensen hissed. “Youaregonna fuck her, aren’t you? That’s a bad idea. Despite what every porn out there says, banging your kid’s nanny is a huge mistake.”
My top lip curled up in offense. “For Christ’s sake, man. I’m not gonna fuck the nanny. Give mesomecredit, would you?”
Jensen gave me a flat look when Gage barked out a laugh. “This coming from the man who’s nailed half the female population of this town already.”
Jensen pointed to him in agreement. “You forget why we had such a hard time finding someone for the position in the first place? Three quarters of the applicants were women scorned.”
I scrubbed at my face, weariness gnawing at my bones like vultures feasting on roadkill. I wanted to argue but, truth was, I didn’t have much of a leg to stand on. Sure, they were exaggerating a bit, but the root of what they said was true.
After getting out of the Army, I thought I could pour myself into building the company the three of us had a hand in creating. I thought that would be enough to keep the nightmares away, and it worked... for a little while. When that stopped being enough, I drowned the memories in a bottle. I knew it was quickly becoming a problem, and I was a dick for making my friends worry, but numb was so much better than feeling. Eventually the booze alone stopped being enough, and I resorted to picking up barflies on a regular basis.
I’d be the first to admit I was an asshole. I never stopped to consider the women I was using. I just needed a willing body to bury myself in so I could let go of the past. I made it a rule never to do repeats. Commitment was the furthest thing from my mind. I was a grade-A fuck-up after all, who was quickly spiraling down the drain. What woman deserved that? But in my pathetic efforts to protect myself, I never took my partner’s feelings into account.
They were simply a means to an end. And in doing so, I’d hurt a lot of feelings.
Christ, I really was a prick.
When Deanne showed up on my doorstep that morning, a living, breathing result of my shitty actions, I’d had no choice but to change my ways, quitting everything cold turkey.
I’d gone from one extreme to another, but what choice did I have? I wasn’t only responsible for myself anymore. I had another human being to consider in every single decision I made.
That was why Deva Kent was absolutely off limits.
“It’s not gonna happen,” I insisted. “This is real life, Jens, not a porno. I won’t be laying a hand on my kid’s nanny. Trust me.”
Neither of them looked convinced, but I was determined, damn it.
I was going to make this situation work, even if it killed me. For no other reason than to prove my asshole friends wrong.
Chapter
Twelve
