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He was right about that. I’d heard about terrible twos and stuff like that from friends who had kids, but Cash didn’t seem to have any of that. He was quiet and thoughtful. Hell, sometimes he looked downright pensive. I got the impression that he wasconstantly studying his surroundings in order to figure out how to behave, and I wasn’t a genius by any standards, but I didn’t think that was normal behavior for a toddler.
“Kids are resilient,” Jensen assured me. After all, he and Shane were the only ones in the room who had experience with tiny human beings. “You don’t have to be perfect, Laeth. You just have to do your best.”
I shot him a bland look. “For the past few years, my best has been functioning with an ever-present hangover. Everyone here knows that.”
Shane reappeared in the doorway just then, bracing her shoulder on the frame and crossing her arms over her chest. My stomach dropped like a rock when I saw Cash wasn’t with her.
As if she were able to look inside my head and pick out every thought, she said, “He’s with Willow at reception. She gave him some stuff to color with. He’ll be good up there for a few minutes.”
My chest sank in on a relieved breath that he was safe with our kind, equally quiet receptionist.
“Come on guys,” I prodded. “Help me out here. What am I supposed to do? Do I take Deanne to court or something? Maybe try finding her parents and working it out so they take him back? Just tell me what the fuck I should do.”
Silence filled the corners of my office before Shane spoke, her tone as hard and unforgiving as the expression on her face just then. “Or you could try being the kid’s dad. You ever consider that?”
I blew out a breath. “I’m not fit to be anyone’s dad.”
The way her eyes narrowed on me, I knew I’d just said the wrong thing. Shane was sweet as hell and good to her very core, but there was another side to her. The woman was a fighter, through and through. She wasn’t the kind of woman you fucked with, and if she saw an injustice happening, she didn’tblink before wading in to make shit right. And the way she was scowling at me just then said I’d royally pissed her off and was about to get a dressing down on par to those I got during basic training.
“Fit or not, this is the hand you were dealt, so suck it up. From everything you’ve told us about how this all went down, you’re no worse than the pathetic excuse of a mother who’d so callously pawn her own child off on a complete stranger, blood relation or not.”
“Shane—” I attempted to cut in, but she was having none of it.
“That boy in there deserves something good, something safe and secure. From how he behaves, I get the feeling he’s never really had that a day in his life, and that pisses me off,” she clipped. “It doesn’t take a genius to see he’s been neglected. This is his chance for something better. It’s a chance forbothof you to have better.”
She let that last sentence hang, and I knew what she was getting at. It wasn’t lost on me that these people, the only real family I’d had for years, had been worried about me. I hate that I was putting them through that, but the nightmares that plagued my mind were just too strong.
Shane’s voice came out gentle as she said, “I know you, Laeth. I know you can be what that boy needs if you’re really determined. And if you let him, he can be the same for you. You’re not alone in this. This is your town; you have family here. You have us, and we’re not going to let you fail at this.” She gave me a gentle smile. “I promise.”
I still wasn’t quite sure I believed her, but I’d have been lying if I said it didn’t lift a massive weight off my chest to know I wasn’t alone in this, that I had people in my corner.
“Brantley’s been on us for months now to give him a little brother,” Jensen decreed before looking at his wife and shootingher a wink. “It’s something we have every intention of doing, just not quite yet. A little cousin is just what our boy needs right now. And it’ll be nice to show Cash he has more family.”
“I hadn’t thought of that.”
“We’ll set up a playdate soon,” Shane assured me. “In the meantime, you need to start thinking about childcare.”
My eyes went wide, and that panicked, squeezing sensation returned to my chest. “What do you mean? What kind of childcare?” For the past week, I’d been bringing Cash into the office with me during the days so I could work, setting him up with Lark or Willow so I could get shit done. “I figured we could just keep doing what we’re doing,” I said with a shrug.
It was Lark’s turn to look at me with a murderous glare. “Nuh-uh! We aren’t your free babysitters. We have stuff to do too, you know. You can’t just expect us to take care of him day in and day out.”
“You need to set up something stable. Something permanent,” Shane insisted. “You keep doing what you’ve been doing, you’re no better than Deanne, shoving him off on her parents every chance she got.”
That hit the mark better than she probably intended, making my chest constrict as shame washed through me.
I hadn’t exactly been doing my best by my son. Shane was right. I’d been pawning him off on the women in my life without a single thought, passing him along so I could pretend everything was just as it had always been the moment he was out of sight.
Cash didn’t deserve that. If there was one thing I knew it was how a shitty parent could fuck up a kid’s formative years, sending them down a path to adulthood riddled with terrible choices and tons of resentment. I’d fucked up more than my fair share when I was younger before finally deciding that maybe the Army would be the way to straighten my ass out.
And it had worked. For a while at least. Until the demons from my time in the service replaced the ones from my past.
My gaze bounced between Shane and Lark. “So, what are you suggesting? Daycare or something?”
Lark shrugged a shoulder. “Or you could hire a nanny. A live-in who’s there to help you day and night. At least until you feel like you’ve found your footing.”
A live-in nanny. I hadn’t considered that. But it sure would be nice to have someone there around the clock in case something bad happened and I didn’t know what to do.
“I like that option. I think I’ll go that route.”
