Page 54 of Slow Burn


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That didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about him. Because I was. Constantly. And it was really starting to wear on my nerves. My life would have been so much simpler if I could get that man out of my head, but I couldn’t.

I wanted him. There was no point denying it any longer. I wanted him, and his complete disregard for me in front of his friends had hurt. Every time I thought about it, that sting came back to my chest, like a paper cut slashing across my heart. I tried telling myself I was over it, but I wasn’t, and now it was messing with the personal time I was using to try and build a lasting friendship.

I blinked and turned my focus on her. “Sorry, what?”

She chuckled a wry smirk on her face. “Where’s your head at, babe? You spaced out for like, thirty seconds.”

I let out a sigh and lifted my coffee to my lips, taking a big swallow of the sugary deliciousness. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I promise. I’m all ears. What were you saying?”

Her head started to shake. “Uh-uh, sweetheart. You were staring off into space with a look on your pretty face like you’d seen someone kick a whole litter of newborn puppies.”

I pulled in a gasp. “Oh my God, Lyric! Now that’s all I can see! What aterriblevisual!”

“Yeah, tell me about it. And that’s exactly how you looked, so spill.”

I let out a sigh, my shoulders slumping forward. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I want to talk about it.”

She shrugged and sat back in her seat, lifting her coffee to her lips casually. “Okay, suit yourself. Just keep it all bottled inside so it can fester until it finally explodes. That’s a healthy way to deal with stuff.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but had to clamp it shut when I realized she had a very valid point. I could already feel it festering. It was swirling around day and night, like this living thing that took up most of my thoughts. She knew I’d reached that conclusion by the glower on my face and smiled brightly, all too proud of herself for winning that round.

“I see you like to fight dirty.”

She didn’t appear bothered in the slightest. “If you want to consider being right fighting dirty, yeah, sure. I fight dirty all the time.”

I giggled into my coffee. I’d tried something different this time, wanting a new experience. It was different than the one Myra had ordered me, a little less sweet, allowing the coffee flavor to come through more, and, surprisingly, I really liked it.

“Okay, so dish. Time for some girl talk. I want to know what’s got you all flustered.”

After one last fortifying breath, I dove in. I told her about everything from the moment I’d taken the job to now. I confessed how my feelings for him had gone down a road they had no business taking, but I couldn’t seem to stop no matter how hard I tried. I told her that I stupidly thought he had feelings for me as well, and that I felt like the biggest fool in the world for being so wrong.

“I should have known,” I said in a small, sad voice. “What would a man like him want with a woman like me?” I shook my head, my shoulders sinking like the weight of the world was perched on them. “In my entire life, there hasn’t been a singleperson who has wanted me. Who would choose me. Why should this be any different?”

“Hey, stop that,” Lyric barked in a tone so hard it snapped me out of my pity party and right back into the present. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. I don’t want to hear that again. Understand?”

All I could do was blink wide eyes, not that it mattered much to her, she wasn’t even close to done yet.

“You are amazing and wonderful and kind. Plus, you’re totally gorgeous. You’re funny and thoughtful and sweet. Just because some guy is too stupid to see what a catch you are, that isn’t a reflection on you. That’s his massive, unfathomable, idiotic mistake. He’s the one losing out, because you’re the complete package.”

I appreciated everything she’d just said, but it hadn’t quite been able to penetrate the sadness that had been swirling around me the past few days. Sure, what Laeth had said hurt because I was developing real feelings for him, but also because it was just another reminder that I wasn’t wanted by anyone.

“You don’t look like you feel better,” Lyric stated, her face pinching into a tight frown. “Why don’t you look like you feel better? Youshouldfeel better. That speech was motivational as hell.”

I couldn’t help but giggle. I was still in the early stages of building this friendship with Lyric, but so far there wasn’t a single thing I disliked. She had this way about her. I’d never met a person who could be so blunt yet utterly hilarious at the same time. She said it how it was, but also wore her heart on her sleeve. She really was fantastic. “You’re right, it was a great speech. And you’re amazing for saying all those things.”

“But you don’t believe them,” she surmised.

“It’s hard to believe I’m worth much of anything when most of my life, people have been telling me how worthless I am,” Iconfessed in a small, sad voice. I stared down at my coffee cup, spinning it between my hands and watching the frothy caramel-colored liquid as it sloshed up the sides of the paper cup. I hated having to tell another person about my upbringing. I could still feel the sting from the looks on everyone’s faces during my interview when I admitted to living with the Fellowship. That wasn’t the first time I’d gotten judgmental looks and frowns. I really liked Lyric, and I dreaded the thought of her looking at me the way so many others had. But I knew a true friendship couldn’t grow without the truth. It was hard to build trust if you only gave pieces of the story.

“I grew up in this community,” I started. “Everyone in town calls it a cult.” I shrugged. “Maybe it is. I don’t really know. I might have lived there, but I didn’t belong. I was never really a part of them, if that makes sense. I was the outsider, the black sheep everyone treated differently.”

Lyric leaned in, propping an elbow on the table and cupping her chin in her palm as she lowered her voice to ask, “What was the community?”

I let out a sigh. I hated saying those four words, and I couldn’t wait for the day when they were a distant memory. “They called themselves the Fellowship of the Enlightened.” I scoffed. “They were anything but enlightened, believe me.”

She shook her head, her eyes full of wonderment. “Were you born there? Were your parents a part of the cu—community?”

I shook my head. “No. I didn’t even know who they were for the first eight years of my life. My mother died when I was really young. I don’t even remember her. I was eight when my dad decided he wasn’t cut out to be a father. Apparently, he knew a few of the members from doing odd jobs for them. He dumped me off on their doorstep and never looked back. I spent the next eighteen years being told daily that I was a waste of space and that no one would ever want me or love me.”

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