Page 10 of Rust or Ride


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“It wasn’t your fault,” he adds.

“The fuck it wasn’t,” I mutter.

“You were a prospect, so I didn’t know you as well as I could have—”

“It was a fucked-up time for the club in general,” I add, praying to steer him off the conversational path he seems determined to forge.

“But Debbie seemed like a sweet girl.” He tilts his head, inviting me to follow him away from the door in case it swings open again. “You two were young, but anyone in your presence could feel the love you had for each other.”

“What’s your point?” I spit, nearing the end of my patience.

“Would she want you to live like this? Alone?”

“Again,” I answer with exaggerated patience, “where did you get the idea that I’malone?”

“You’re not a pump, dump, and run kind of guy. Never were.”

“People change. I don’t need complications in my life. Just a warm body every now and then is enough.”

“Complications.” He scoffs. “You don’t want to love someone and risk losing them again.”

“Fine. Yeah. You got me. What’s wrong with that?”

“It’s gonna put you in an early grave.”

“Good,” I blurt. My eyes widen. It’s a thought I’ve never spoken aloud before. Only I know that each time one of my brothers gets hurt or injured, I ask the universe why the fuck it won’t take me instead.

He nods. “You wanna punish yourself for Debbie’s death.”

“And our daughter’s,” I rasp. People always forget. Two scars are etched into my soul. Not one.

He winces then reaches out to clasp my shoulder. “No one should have to suffer that kind of loss, brother.”

I swallow hard but a response eludes me. Tumbling back in time to those memories pounds a nail through my heart. Not as sharp as it once was, but still painful.

“From what I understand, Emily has had her own losses.” His shoulder hitches. “Maybe—”

“What?” I sneer. “We can heal each other?”

“Don’t be so dismissive.” His phone buzzes and he pulls it out, checking the text. A faint smile crosses his face.

I could make a crack about how much more comfortable he seems with technology since he got released from prison and discovered you could hold the whole wide world in the palm of your hand in the form of a smartphone. But as much as he’s pissed me off today, that seems like too much of a low blow.

“Baby’s kicking,” he says, slipping his phone into his pocket. “Who would’ve thought something so simple would make me so damn happy?”

Dull pain throbs behind my ribs. An aching loneliness for myself followed by joy for my friend who lost so many years of his life paying for a crime he didn’t commit. I force a smile. “Brother, you deserve all the happiness in the world.”

His gaze returns to the cold and calculating one I know so well. “So doyou.”

CHAPTERFOUR

Emily

“What?No cute little outfits today, Emily?” my coworker George asks with a sneer as I pass his desk on my way to my own.

Har. Har. Jokes about my clothes never get old.As if dressing nicely for work is some sort of crime.

“My car broke down. I had to change.” That’s the only explanation I’ll be giving for my lateness and clothing choices. I slip a lab apron over my head, reaching behind me to tie it. “What have you got for me?”

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