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Finally, I come to a decision. Visiting hours are almost over. At least that will make this a quick trip.
I stalk through the parking lot with my hands in my pockets and my head down.
“Dex?”
My head snaps up, and like a wish granted, Emily’s standing in front of me.
“What are you doing here?” My gravelly tone wipes the smile off Emily’s face.Shit.
“I visited Serena.” She slowly lifts her hand, pointing her thumb at the hospital behind her. “To see the baby… Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just want to get in there before visiting hours are up.” The unpleasant sensation that my past and present are somehow colliding rolls over me, sharp and painful.
“Oh. Right. Sorry.” She tries to sidestep me.
I hold my arm out, stopping her. “I, uh, sorry. Just have stuff on my mind. I wasn’t expecting to see you.”
“So I gathered.”
Feeling like an absolute asshole, I lean down and press a quick kiss to her forehead. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Yeah. Okay.” Her tart tone doesn’t sound all that eager to hear from me.
But I can’t do anything about it now.
She moves past me.
If I turn around and watch her leave, I’ll probably follow her. And I need to get this over with.
Dread follows me as I navigate the corridors to Serena’s room. Machines beeping, babies crying, nurses hurrying from room to room, all of it brings back memories I’ve worked hard to bury.
I stop outside Serena’s room. The door stands half open. I tap my knuckles against it. Grinder appears from behind a white curtain. He smiles and nods for me to come in. The first bed seems to be empty. That’s good. I hope it means Serena has some peace while she’s here.
“Thanks for coming, brother.” Grinder holds out his hand and I take it. He pulls me in for a quick hug.
“Congratulations,” I manage to say. “How do you feel?”
“Ifeel fine,” he answers in a wry tone. “I didn’t do a damn thing. Except worry.”
“That’s not true,” Serena rasps. She sits up and offers a weak smile. “Hi, Dex.”
Serena’s pale, tired face sends a bolt of fear straight through my gut. “You all right, sweetheart?” I ask.
“I’m fine.” Serena lets out a soft laugh and leans over to peer in the small hospital bassinet next to her bed. “I mean, I just pushed a watermelon through a lemon, but other than that, I’m okay.”
Dear God, didn’t Emily say something similar? I blink as the mental image forms in my brain against my will. “Thanks for the visual.” I mean it to be teasing but it sounds more like a scolding.
Serena’s nose wrinkles and she touches her index finger and thumb together, forming a circle. “Maybe a grape? It didnotfeel big enough for what I endured.”
“Okay, I got it,” I say.
She wiggles her fingers at me. “Come meet Lincoln, Dex.”
Steeling myself, I step closer and peek into the crib. All that’s visible is the baby’s face. Red, splotchy little cheeks, closed eyes, little blue cap on his head. He’s bundled in a white blanket with blue stripes. His little lips move in his sleep as if he’s safe and content. He almost seems too small and perfect for such a large and evil world.
My lungs constrict.
Grinder and Serena have both gone silent. I lift my gaze and find Grinder watching me with a frown. Something, anything to break the silence swims through my head. I open my mouth to crack a joke about how the baby’s too tiny to possibly be Grinder’s. Thank fuck, I stop myself. What a shitty, disrespectful thing to say.
