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I stare out into the distance, making out the shapes of several buildings. “You can see Empire from here.”
“I always liked this view.” He lifts his chin toward another area of the park straight ahead. “Friends of mine got married over at the gazebo area. And my niece and Vapor got married up here too.”
Why does my heart kick up a little tap dance the second Dex mentions weddings? Is it the affectionate, respectful way he talks about his friends and family? Or is it the sudden vision I have of meeting him in front of a judge while I’m decked out in a white dress?
And maybe hoping he’s having a similar thought?
Am I out of my mind? I haven’t contemplated getting married since I was eight years old and spent an afternoon in my mom’s closet trying on her wedding dress and veil.
Dex gives mind-blowing orgasms and cooks me breakfast one day and suddenly I’m picturing committing the rest of my life to him?
“It’s a beautiful place to have a wedding.” Oh great, now he’s going to think I’m throwing out a hint. “I have a friend who got married over by the waterfalls on the other side of the park,” I hurry to add.
“I think I know the spot you’re talking about.”
“Do you, um, ever want to get married…again?” I blurt before my brain can put a stop to my bumbling question.Why, why, why did I ask him that?He’s never even told me how his wife died.
His hand tightens around mine. I don’t dare turn my head to check out his expression.
Casual. Easy breezy. Just act casual.
“I don’t have anything against marriage,” he finally answers.
He doesn’t ask me a similar question.
CHAPTERFORTY-FOUR
Dex
DoI want to get married again?
I haven’t given it a lot of thought since my wife died. I had my chance. I blew it. End of story.
I don’t deserve another shot. The only person I’m responsible for now is myself. Well, that’s not true. The club’s my family. I’ll protect my brothers with my life. But that’s not the same responsibility as being a husband or a father.
Maybe I need to end this now. Before my stupid ass gets any ideas that Ideserveto have a future with this woman.
And yet, I can’t even let go of her hand.
If I allowed myself to go there again—promise to love, honor, and protect Emily for the rest of my days—and then somehow lost her…I couldn’t live with myself.
Besides, Emily comes with her own obligations. I can’t be responsible for protecting herandLibby.
Who are you kidding? You were ready to drop Libby off at school and hand her lunch money a few hours ago.
My mind’s screaming at me to come up with another topic—anything will do—quickly.
“The view is so pretty, you almost forget how dangerous it is to get too close to the cliff,” Emily says.
If that isn’t the best metaphor for my life right now.
“Those warning signs have been up here for as long as I can remember,” I say. “But I think at least one or two people go over the side every year.”
We continue to where the sidewalk ends. A dirt path follows the edge of the woods, leading to another section of the park. “Do you want to keep going?” I ask.
“No, this is good.” She turns and pulls out her phone, taking a few photos.
“Can I take one of you?” I ask, holding up my own phone.
