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“Can we go inside now, Ezra?” I lean into his shoulder and close my eyes, having a passing thought as to why I ever bother opening them at all. Maybe I should have them sewn shut?
Okay, that was a morbid thought. Strike it from the records, please.
Ezra walks me through the hallway and into the living room as Kai locks the door behind us. Nic’s probably already sulking in Nana’s room. Instead of depositing me on the couch, Ezra sits down with me, keeping me curled on his lap. I’m surprised at his actions, but I lean into his hold as he pulls something out of his pocket, barely jostling me in the process.
“Alan. We had a bit of a situation.” I laze on his chest, content to feel the rumbling of his voice as he relays everything that happened to Alan. With no doubt in my mind that the guys have everything covered, I start to just…fall…asleep.
“Hey, Wicked Girl, you hungry?” My stomach rumbles loudly at Kai’s question and he laughs before settling himself on the couch beside my Ezra seat. “I’ve got tacos! Carne asada tacos! Best tacos in town!”
“You really love your tacos, huh?” I tease, letting him place one of the tacos in my hand.
“They are a little piece of heaven on this forsaken earth.” He moans as he digs in and I giggle before diving into mine.
“Hey! I have this awesome audiobook you might like!” Kai exclaims suddenly before twisting to probably get his phone out of his pocket.
“I’m listening,” I mumble around a large bite of taco like an animal. I pretend to be all nonchalant, but inside my stomach is flipping and doing cartwheels. Kai Zhao would never in his life listen to an audiobook, he’s a movie buff. He did this for me, and only me.
Hours pass as the audiobook plays. It’s a scary one with cool sound effects and music to go along with it, heightening every moment of thrill and fear. Ironically, it’s about a girl being stalked by a murderous psychopath. Go fucking figure.
I mentioned this to Kai at one point and he got so embarrassed, so quiet and still, I thought for sure I’d broken him. But he got over it eventually. Ezra ended up falling asleep still holding me at one point, so I shooed him off to bed and snuggled with Kai as we continued listening.
He made the entire experience so fucking fun, jumping and screaming like a little girl during the scares, cracking jokes when the narrators tried to do different voices, and just being…Kai.
I don’t think I’ve laughed so much since my dad died. I forgot how much I missed it.
It’s easy to go through life without companionship or love when you forget what it’s like to have it. You fool yourself into thinking you’re happy without it. But with just one small peek at what you’ve been missing, your entire world turns upside down and crashes down around you.
I now see what I’ve been doing my best not to…that I’m lonely. Alone in a world with billions of people. And it’s entirely of my own making. I can’t even help seeing the similarities in what my mom has done. She started out like me after losing the love of both of our lives. She pushed everyone away and acted like she was better for it. But she wasn’t. Now look at where she’s at.
As I listen to the beautiful sound of Kai’s genuine, joyful laughter, I realize I did at least learn one thing today…I don’t ever want to end up like my mom.
The more you know and all that.
18
I’m awakened by the sounds of voices piercing through my consciousness. My body is almost numb and laden with exhaustion, but I’m very aware of the fact that I’m snuggled into a hard body, completely on top of it, with my head resting over a steady heartbeat. Instead of surfacing to face whatever is going on, I snuggle further under the blanket, the arms of whoever is holding me tightening over my small form before their hands gently rub down my spine.
We’ve been home for a couple weeks now, and just like the doctor ordered, I’ve been under strict surveillance by the guys as they make sure I do nothing but lounge on the couch in soft clothes and warm blankets. They’ve all taken turns keeping me company in place of Gizmo and Snitch, who are still with Alan because they didn’t want me to push myself to take care of them.
I miss my little trash pandas like fucking crazy, but I know it’s for the best for now. Soon, though? Nobody will have a choice. Momma will be getting her babies back, no matter whose ass I have to kick.
Luckily, Kai has been entertaining–distracting–me with audiobooks and stories of his childhood with his sister and their epic prank wars. I still haven’t gotten around to asking him about why he refers to her in the past tense, or why he refuses to talk about his parents, but I know there’s something dark underneath. I don’t push into his psyche either, confident that he’ll tell me when he’s ready. Just like he’ll tell me about the ridges in his skin that are remarkably similar to the ones around my eyes.
Ezra isn’t much of a talker, but he cuddles with the best of them. I mostly just doze contentedly when it’s his turn on watch, letting his strong arms cage me in safety and comfort. I did manage to get him to tell me a few of his war stories, ones that aren’t terribly sad or scarring. The good ones. Like when his team managed to free dozens of enslaved civilians in Pakistan. He’s invincible in my eyes, everything about him just seems impenetrable and unruffled.
Nic…well, he’s been in quite the mood lately. Every ounce of softness he showed after the incidentthat shall not be namedhas quickly disappeared. When it’s his turn on watch, he turns on the TV and just ignores my presence entirely unless I try to leave the room. Each task he forces me to let him do is done with sharp and irritated movements and comments. It’s frustrating to say the least. I miss his rare softness, but I don’t think I’ll be seeing it any time soon. At least, not unless I’m attacked again, but I’m not desperate enough to go looking for trouble just to get that side of him back. Not yet.
“You’re going to wake her. Be quiet.” Even though the words are spoken as softly as physically possible, the gravelly tone is so deep that it rumbles and vibrates through my entire body, pulling me further away from the fog of sleep.
It occurs to me then that the body I happen to be laying on is huge. Much, much larger than Kai’s, who I’m pretty sure is the one I fell asleep on last night, and I stiffen in place, not daring to move or draw attention to myself.
“You enjoying your cuddle sesh, Brick? Isn’t that what she calls you? Because you’re her giant brick wall?” Kai’s voice teases, but is muffled in a way, as if his mouth is full of food. The scent of seasonings and spices reaches my nose, but I try not to inhale deeply and give myself away.
Wait…Brick? Oh my God, it must be Ezra underneath me.
Now that I’m fully awake and thinking about it, it makes sense. The guy beneath me is almost the size of a twin mattress, easily allowing me to sprawl over him like I currently am. His hands are so large they easily touch every part of my back while spread.
Oh holy shit. He’s shirtless!
