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“Look, I know none of us wanted to truly believe that he had anything to do with the stalker situation, but I think it’s high time we actually start to look into him as a true suspect.” My voice is flat, resignation settling heavily on my heart.
Of course I didn’t want it to be true. I know I was the one who brought up wanting to be more cautious in dealing with him, but that was just out of self preservation. Better safe than sorry, right? I didn’t actually expect to find anything that would paint him as an actual viable suspect.
“We’ll have a look into his comings and goings around the attacks.” Kai finally voices, surprising the shit out of me. He’s never the first to want to offer up an avenue of action, content to just follow the lead of everyone else.
“Let’s start with the alleged accident that prevented him from getting to Wicked’s house when her mother was taken.” Nic practically growls out the words before spinning on his heel and stomping away. My face stays angled towards his departure as my nachos roil around in my stomach, threatening to return for a second act.
“Sounds like our night out is coming to a sudden end. I’m sorry, Nana.” I collapse back into my seat, where Gizmo and Snitch immediately climb onto my lap and shoulders, squeaking consolingly to me. I scratch at their furry bodies idly as my mind continues rolling over the new information.
It hurts. I’m not afraid to admit it at this point. Alan has been a fatherly fixture in my life for years and my mind refuses to reconcile the possibility of his betrayal with the man I know. It makes a sort of logical sense, in the way that any hypothesis can, but it doesn’t make anyactualsense to me.
Or maybe I just don’t want it to.
“Izabella…” Nana’s frail, weathered hand covers the one that’s laid on the table in front of me and I jump, realizing I zoned out. The guys are all gone and it’s just us and the fur-babies left.
“Nana…I don’t know what to think. We now have two reasons to think that this somehow had something to do with Alan, but it doesn’t seem like him at all. I just don’t understand.” My throat tightens and my eyes start to burn as she rubs her thumb soothingly over my hand.
“I know, Bell. I know. If I had the answers to give, I wouldn’t hesitate, but I’m afraid that’s outside of my abilities right now. Maybe if you brought him to come see-”
“No! There’s no way in hell I’m risking you by bringing you anywhere near this.” I practically hiss out the words. Gone is the sadness and stress and in its place is pure stubborn resolve. “It probably wouldn’t even help. Alan has gotten…surprisingly good at flooding his vibrations. Evenyouwouldn’t be able to see past his defenses, and that’s saying something.”
“I see…” Nana’s mental walls drop momentarily and her worry and suspicion becomes sharp and clear.
“Nana, this isn’t something I want you to worry about, okay? Ever tell them I said it and I’ll deny it and make you look like a nut-case…but the guys are damn good detectives. If anyone can help me get to the bottom of this, it’s them.” I shudder with just the acknowledgment that I need their help, but it doesn’t negate the truth of the matter. I need them. For now at least.
“Ah, shush, girl. Stop being as blind to the inside as you are to the outside.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“You’re in denial, my dear, and it isn’t cute.” Nana’s voice has taken on a faraway quality as her aura shuts me out completely. “You’re going to need them. Not just for this case, but for the rest of your life. And it all depends on you, whether you’re going to be able to have them fill that need or not. But, trust me, you’re going to want to let them in.”
“Not this again, Nana…” I grumble, removing my hand from Nana’s and snuggling Snitch tighter to my chest. “You really have to stop trying to play matchmaker for me.That’snot cute.”
“Can you actually talk to me for a minute? Before my mind goes completely.” I chuff at her guilt-tripping, but I do sit up straighter and stop hiding behind Snitch, unable to truly deny my nana when she puts her mind to something. She makes me weak.
“Fine. You want to talk, let’s talk. What do you want to know?” She merely chuckles at me before settling further into her own seat, ready to do whatever it is she’s going to do.
“Silly girl. I already know everything. I just want to share it all with you. Enlighten you, if you will.” She pauses for a moment and I lean forward without realizing what I’m doing, remembering how she got quite the vast amount of insight into the guys earlier in the day. Whatdoesshe know?
“Those men…” She sighs. “Well, to put it simply, it’s not always going to be easy with them. If you think your baggage is too much for someone to handle, then you’ll be surprised to know that in many ways, theirs outweighs yours. That’s not to say that it isn’t worth it. Like a rose with thorns, anything worth having is painful to hold onto. There’s beauty and unparalleled fortune hidden past the defenses, you just have to–not only be willing to see it–but fight for it as well.”
Their baggage outweighs mine? How is that possible?
“That’s not what you need to be focusing on, you selfish girl,” Nana admonishes and I flinch at her judgment. “You’re so afraid of being hurt, of losing things that you care about, that you’ve effectively blinded yourself to the possibility of opening up to someone. You lean on them in spurts, use them sparingly, but until you’re ready to actually open up, you’ll never truly see what beautiful gifts can come in life.”
“You don’t-”
“Yes, I do!” She interrupts on a barely restrained shout and I sit frozen in place at the seriousness in which she’s speaking. “I know what happened to you has twisted and warped your view on life and love. I know.”
“Yeah, your dad dying and going blind can do that to a girl.” I reply dryly.
“I’m not talking about your accident, you know that.” Sweat prickles on my scalp and my heart rate ratchets up tenfold. How does she know abou- “How do I know about anything, Bell? It’s not because you’ve ever been open enough with me to tell me, that’s for sure.”
“I don’t have to tell you things. You figure them out. It’s easier.” I mumble the words, refusing to focus on the one thing she’s wanting to bring up. The one thing I’d rather take to my grave.
“And if you could stop me from figuring it out, you would.” Nana sighs sadly, petting Gizmo when he squeaks worriedly at her.
“Out of the fear that drives you, you’d sooner close your book to the entire world and rot on a dusty, hidden shelf, than let someone read the history on your pages. Forgetting that not every chapter was ugly or full of suffering, that you have beauty and magic within those pages as well.” I say nothing as she pauses, but my eyes sting with unshed tears and my heart is heavy in my chest. “You have three men begging for you to open up and let them in. Ones who, I know without a shadow of a doubt, would cherish every part of your story and stick with you through the rest that is still unwritten.”
