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She’s still in bed and, thanks to Ezra’s hand in mine, I’m able to see the frailness of her form. Nana is far skinnier than she’s been in a long time, and it isn’t in a healthy way. Her skin hangs off her frame, paler than normal, and the lines in her face are far deeper than usual.
I cut off my connection with Ezra, afraid to look too closely.
“Nana.” I sigh, stepping forward and sitting at the edge of her bed, my hand grasping hers gently, the lack of strength when she squeezes me back sends sharp ice shards slamming through my chest. “When you love someone, you’re there through it all. Even the hard parts.Especiallythe hard parts.”
I try not to give away with my thoughts that the only reason I’m here is because the care center called me and warned me about her state. I won’t give voice to the fears that are currently riding me, trying to make me succumb to their power and break down.
What’s even more worrisome is that she doesn’t even respond to the thought. Like she can’t read me at all. Whether my blocking has grown in strength, or her abilities are lost to her now, I don’t know.
“Ah. Is the student becoming the master? Have you finally decided to heal instead of hide?” She coughs a dry hacking sound, her hand trembling in mine.
“I could never be as strong as you, Nana. I’m just barely learning to listen to your advice.” I try to smile, but I know it’s lopsided–broken. The movement is like a knife slicing through my face. It hurts.
“Tell me something good, Bell.” My heart stutters and my throat closes.
Why does this feel like a goodbye?
My mind races over what’s happened since I last saw her, looking for something–anything–that could be classified asgood, but it’s like my good memories have been sucked away as surely as the life in my nana’s soul has been drained. A gentle touch on my shoulder pulls me from my dark thoughts and I turn my head towards Ezra, his unwavering presence instantly reminding me that I’m not alone and I never will be again.
“I told Ezra I love him.” I turn back to Nana, a real smile gracing my face at the memories from the last couple days, most of which I spent alone with Ezra. When we weren’t making love, we were snuggling and talking, getting to know each other deeper than before.
I know about his fiancée, how she completely ghosted him on the day of their wedding. He had just returned from his final tour overseas, troubled, broken, and full of self hate from what he calls hisfailuresduring his mission–the details of which are too classified for him to tell me. But he had decided to go through with the wedding, hopeful that life could continue with his wife by his side. Someone to help carry his burden with him.
She never walked down the aisle. She never called. She didn’t leave a note. No explanation. She just left.
It was a while later that he found out she had been having an affair with one of his closest friends while he was away. She ran away with him. Her sister told him she expressed her feelings about the matter to her. Apparently, the bitch couldn’t take his lack of emotional depth, even when he was home, she didn’t understand him. She loved him initially because she thought she couldfixhim. Whatever that means.
She didn’t understand who he is at all. That the depth of Ezra compared to any other man is like comparing the ocean to a street puddle. He might be calm, collected, and unphased on the outside, but on the inside he has an undercurrent of emotion, thought, and love flowing through him. He has an endless supply, and he’d show you if you only ask.
Her blindness is my sight. What she couldn’t understand gives me the ability to seeeverything.
“Well isn’t that just beautiful.” The joy emanating from Nana, regardless of her ailments, gives me all the more reassurance that I made the right decision in opening up to Ezra–to loving him.
“You were right, Nana. Life is infinitely better with someone to love you through it.”
“What’s that sound?” She asks suddenly. My brow creases and I squeeze her hand tighter, adrenaline flooding me because there isnosound. “Is that- Is that a fat lady singing? Marge! Quiet down!”
“A what? Marge?” I swing my head towards Ezra, worry scratching down my nerves. Is she having another episode?Then I hear Nana start cackling, her obvious humor shorting my brain circuits, before realization finally settles in.
“Silly girl! You just admitted that I was right and you were wrong. I never thought I’d see the day!” She absolutely loses it, with as much energy as she can muster, as I sit stunned in place with my cheeks heating and my mouth gaping like a fish.
“You and Kai are way too much alike,” I mumble the words petulantly, but she hears them anyway, calming her laughter into small chuckles as she grasps my hand just a little bit tighter. Almost as if she’s gotten a little bit stronger.
“How is my littleGong Yoodoing? You admit you love him too yet?” Nana adjusts slightly in bed and I let go of her hand to palm at my face.
“No, Nana. It’s not that simple.”
“How so?” I don’t answer her so she turns her attention to Ezra as I thank God that Nic and Kai agreed to stay with Gizmo and Snitch in the car. I think they’re feeling just a little put out that I’ve been spending so much time with Ezra these past couple days, but hopefully they’ll understand.
I’ll need to make it up to them somehow.
“She thinks that Kai is a manwhore and Nic is a dick. She’s afraid that Kai will eventually break her heart and Nic will break her spirit.” Ezra, the traitor, completely switches alliances and spouts out the bullshit we’ve been discussing. Not that I can blame him, if our situation was reversed, I’d do it too.
“Ah, I see. Thank you, Ezra dear.” Nana’s attention returns to me and I flinch back from her gaze without knowing why. “You’re an idiot.”
Ah, that’s why.
“Well, jeeze, don’t hold back on my account.”
