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“I was seventeen.” I start tapping my foot as I struggle to get going, completely blocking out everything except for my nana’s hand in mine. “For the years after the accident, I basically lived in a constant state of fear and loneliness. To my peers I was either the girl everyone pitied or the girl who was an easy target. I didn’t have a single friend after I went blind, much less a boyfriend.”
I take a deep breath as I lean further back in my chair, my mind going to a place that I’d much rather never see again.
“Eventually, I learned to not give a fuck. With Nana’s help, I even learned how to fight back. I went from weak, to strong, to cruel. I’m not proud of all of it. But I was in survival mode. I’m not making excuses, I just want it put on record.” I rub my thumb over Nana’s knuckles idly. “I was still so very lonely, and back then, as much as I denied it and tried to fight it, I was still yearning for companionship. For a friend. For a boyfriend. I didn’t want to be alone.”
“Then one came along. Shawn Andrews.” I clear my throat when it starts to close, pushing down the tears that threaten to spill. “He was on the football team and considered to be wildly popular and loved. He saw me at the public library one night reading a braille textbook and asked what it was. Then he just…stayed. Every night I showed up, he was suddenly right there ready to hang out with me. We spent weeks just reading next to each other before he finally started pushing for me to talk. He told me about how his grandma was blind and how he would help her cook or other random things...”
Nana tightens her grip on my hand once more when I trail off and stop talking, bringing me back to the present. “Eventually, I warmed up to him and I shared my first kiss with him right there in the public library for anyone to see. He asked me to prom and I said yes. For once, I was excited about something. I was happy. I thought maybe, just maybe, I could be a normal person too. I could go to prom and experience all that it had to offer. Maybe I couldn’tseeit, but I could still experience it in other ways.”
“Nana took me shopping and to the salon. I got all dolled up: nails, hair, makeup. Everything. I couldn’t see what I looked like, but I felt so fucking beautiful anyways. It was the first time I felt like a woman.” I smile wistfully as I recall spinning around in my dress to the chorus of Nana’s delighted cheers. But then the smile drops…because I know what comes next. “He came to pick me up in a limo. Took pictures with me for Nana. Ever the gentleman, he even swore to her that he would have me back on time and he’d keep me safe. Even Nana didn’t see his lies.”
“You see, everyone knew we were psychics. So the plan was never actually told to Shawn, so Nana wouldn’t know. He was just one tool among an array that was used to get me alone that night. To give me hope and happiness, only to steal it away. It worked like a charm.” I breathe deeply past the nausea swirling in my gut, sweat breaking out across my hairline. “I got in that limo with him, but we didn’t go to the prom. I wasn’t as good at reading people as I am now, but even I started to feel the anticipation and grim excitement that was flooding him the longer we drove. When the limo stopped, he led me out by the hand, still trying to put on the show. But it ended there. I felt the dirt give beneath my feet and I knew we weren’t at the prom. I tried to pull away from him, but it was so easy for him to just grab me and force me to keep going.”
“It was a setup. Shawn had a girlfriend the entire time. One who I apparently pissed off one too many times, the mastermind of the whole thing. He led me to a group of people out in the woods. I tried to scream. I tried to fight. But it was pointless. I don’t know who took my virginity, but I could hear the laughs. The camera clicks. The bottles being opened and drank. The lighters. I could smell the cigarettes. The grass. The dirt. The alcohol.”
“Oh, baby,” Kai’s voice is thick with tears, but I shake my head to keep him away. I need to finish telling them, or I never will.
“When the second one descended on me, that’s when my hand found a bottle. Somewhere deep down inside of me, something snapped and I slammed it down to break it. I didn’t even hesitate before stabbing it into the person behind me. And when someone else tried to pry it from my hands to save him, I attacked him too. I became a wild animal, swinging and attacking, slashing and screaming. Eventually they all took off, leaving me in the woods alone. I don’t know how I did it, but I walked and walked until I found a road, where a woman eventually stopped and called the cops for me.”
It’s then that I notice the tears streaming down my face and the quiver in my voice. I also notice the emotions being broadcasted to me from the guys, their auras sizzling with fury and despair. I don’t want them to hurt. I don’t want to change the way they see me. But I know it’s important for them to know.
“The first person on the scene was a man named Alan Richards.” I pause when there’s an audible intake of air. “He coaxed me from the edge, proving that he wasn’t a threat until I all but fell into his arms and I told him everything. It didn’t take long for them to find the clearing they attacked me in, and it didn’t take long for them to announce that there were two deceased young men. One died on site, the other managed to stumble about twenty yards into the trees before he too succumbed to my stab wounds.”
“Fucking good!” Nic all but growls, earning a small, sad smile from me.
“There was enough evidence with videos, pictures, and more that it was pretty easy to identify my attackers and get them charged. At least, the ones that didn’t die.” I shrug my shoulders and grip Nana’s hand tighter. “So yeah, the accident wasn’t the worst night of my life, that was. It changed a lot about who I am. I couldn’t trust anyone outside of Nana and Alan. I didn’t want to let anyone in. I was broken for quite a while, but eventually Alan had enough of my spiraling and brought me to the station. He would ask my opinion on cases as I basically worked as a secretary–a terrible one, I’ll have you know. That is, until one night he brought me in on alive oneas they call it. I got to put my ability to good use. And…the rest is history.”
“Jesus Christ, baby. No wonder you were harder to crack than Fort Knox!” Kai tries to lighten the situation, but his aura is shadowed by the newest revelation, coupled with his own history with his sister.
“You didn’t want to tell us because you thought we would think differently of you?” Nic’s aura is all but lost beneath a wave of suffering, but the rage is still noticeable. Yet, I know he’s not angry at me, he’s angry on my behalf.
“It can be a lot to learn that the person you share a bed with has been assaulted.” I shrug idly. “A lot of men seem to struggle to wrap their heads around it.”
I’m suddenly airborne, being ripped from my seat and spun around to face him. “Anyone who struggles to love someone through pain like that, is no man at all! The only thing it could possibly do to affect a real man, is to send him spinning into a violent rage until those who hurt you have paid for their crimes five times over!”
Then he slams his lips to mine in a searing kiss, one meant to brand me, mark me with the truth of his words.
It takes every single insecurity and worry I have and throws it out of the window to be run over by a car, and possibly pissed on by a hobo. When he’s done, he immediately passes me off to Ezra, who confirms his agreement just as addictively. Then Kai takes over, taking it a step further and shoving his tongue past my lips to grapple me into submission, until I can do nothing but accept their love for me.
Because I know now…they’re not going anywhere.
A throat clears, and I laugh as the guys jump away from me at being reminded that Nana is still in the room.
“Well that’s just beautiful, isn’t it?” She chuckles weakly. “I told you so.”
“Yes, you did. And I’ve never been happier to be wrong in my life.” I grab Nic’s hand and channel our connection to see the wide smile on Nana’s aged face. I frown when I see just how tired and frail she is. Even worse than the last time I saw her.
“Oh, don’t be making that face at me. I’ve lived a full life, Bell. If I die tomorrow, I’d die happy. Especially now that I know you’re not going to be alone without me.” She coughs and I move toward her, pulling Nic along with me.
“Nana…”
“Shush, girl. That’s enough about me. I have something to say.” She pats the bed beside her and I return to my chair, using my free hand to hold hers once more. “There are some things you should know. Yoursight, as powerful as it is without you putting much work into it, is likely to transform in unpredictable ways now that you’re pushing them. You’ve probably already started noticing small changes. I didn’t want to tell you until you were ready to actually stop living in purgatory. Which I see that you are now.”
She nods to herself as she pauses, a smug grin lighting up her lined features, eyes glinting with smug satisfaction. “And a bit of advice? A little while from now, you will be a little lost in life and not know how to move forward. You won’t know which path to take or where it will ultimately lead. But all I’ll say is…you’ll know the right thing to do deep in your heart. Let it lead you–like you let it open for your men–and you’ll be amazed at what you can do.”
“Nana…”
“What did I say? Hush now. Everything’s going to be okay.” She waves off my concern and sends me a pulse of affection so strong it strikes me back in place. “I love you, Bell and I am so proud of how far you’ve come.”
