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“I was protecting you! He hurt you!” Andy almost pleads as if to try and convince me to understand. The glint in her eyes is deranged, edged with chaos and desperation, her aura is equally so. It fills the room, shrouding over everyone else’s with its suffocating presence.
I need to calm her down. I need to distract her.
“Okay, okay.” I put up my free arm placatingly as I soften my tone. “Look, let’s just calm down, okay? I just want to understand. That’s all.”
Her eyes immediately light up and a small smile spreads over her face as she starts nodding. “Of course. Of course. Of course you would want to know. Where should I start? Where should I start?” She seems to be talking to herself, her mind a million miles away as she loosens her hold a little on the gun pointed at Alan.
When she notices Kai’s attention focused on it, she tightens it once more and sneers at him. Her eyes immediately darkening with mania as if a switch has been flipped. “Don’t you fucking try it! I’ll kill him right here! I swear I’ll do it!” My chest tightens and I struggle to breathe as she practically digs it into his head, her other hand holding him against her legs by his suit jacket.
“Andy.” I bring her attention back to me and her eyes soften once more, but her hand stays firmly on the gun. Her pointer finger is pressed over the trigger, just slightly depressing it, making my heart flip and revolt in my chest. “Hey. It’s just you and me right now. Ignore them, okay? They don’t matter.”
She nods emphatically as if she already knew that and she’s excited that I agree. Of course, her aura is far too chaotic for me to follow her thoughts or feelings, but I get the impression just the same. “I loved Teddy. I loved him so much.” Her voice thickens with affection and tears, and I know she absolutely did. Probably as much as I love my guys, if not more. “But your mom.Your mom!” She practically spits the words, her face twisting with disgust, her finger subconsciously pressing the trigger even more.
“My mom was a terrible person. I know that!” I urge her to see that I’m on her side, even if I’m not, and she believes me. Her head jerks in a nod as her face lights up like I just gave her the best gift in the world. But she’s still too on edge, her eyes still flicking to Nic and Ezra to make sure they aren’t moving.
“She was. We were friends for a while, Teddy and I, and he used to tell me all the stories. She was abusive, you know? She used to hit him and talk down to him all the time. He was so good to her and she just- She just didn’t appreciate him!” She starts losing it again, so I put my hand up again and slowly sit in place, Kai following me to a seated position.
It means neither of us will be much help if it becomes physical, but it gives her the impression of control. It’ll make her feel more secure. She watches me silently, her features slackening. Her hand with the gun drops half an inch and stays there.
“He loved you too, didn’t he?” I cross my legs under me and hold Kai’s hand in my lap, as if we’re all just having a normal conversation. She immediately starts nodding again.
“Yeah, he did. We weresoulmates.” She emphasizes the word, her eyes pleading for me to believe her. “We didn’t act on our love for so long. We were trying to be respectful of his marriage. But when he tried to leave her once, she wouldn’t let him. She threatened him that he would never see you again if he did. And he couldn’t risk it. My Teddy was such a good father. He loved you so much. Of course he couldn’t risk it.”
My eyes start to burn at the same time that hers turn watery. I struggle to speak past the block in my throat. “He was the best.”
There’s a moment, just a brief moment, where I see the woman he most likely fell in love with. I see the life we could have had together. A step mom. A happy dad. Weekends going camping or on random adventures. Laughter and love. Birthdays and holidays.
I see all of the bittersweet, stolen possibilities.
Then I see the gun.
I see the man who is the closest thing to a father that I’ve found after losing my dad. I see his love for me and his misguided attempts to protect me. I see his blood, his bruises, his injuries. I see the threat to his life.
You can’t change the past, no matter how desperately you yearn to. It happens, and you can only accept what is right in front of you, or you can lose yourself to the madness of wishing it were different.
“We decided to just be together in secret. There was no other choice. And, for a while, it was great. Even though I wasn’t allowed to meet you, he used to tell me about you all the time. He talked about how you struggled with your visions and honing your gift. He told me how you were doing in school. I think he was just so happy to have someone to share your life with because your mom didn’t care.” For a brief second, the gun leaves Alan’s head as she gestures with it, but she quickly returns it once more.
“Then it happened. She found out. Or she thought she did. And she threatened him with some pretty nasty things. I understood why he did it. I understood why he ended it with me. But I just couldn’t accept it! I couldn’t!” The gun digs into Alan’s head once more, making him wince as he sways beneath her hold.
“What did you do?” I try to keep my voice soft and level, but there’s an edge to it that is impossible to dull.
“She already had so much of you guys! She had everything that was supposed to be mine! And she had to take him away too!” Her voice starts to rise, her hand shaking as she continues to press the barrel of the gun painfully into Alan’s head. His eyes roll back as he struggles to stay conscious past the wounds inflicted on him.
“What did you do?” I raise my voice a little as she continues to ramble, but it finally pierces through her awareness.
“I-” A sob surfaces from her throat as she shakes her head, tears streaming down her face. “I followed you guys that night. I wanted to confront him for what he did. I wanted him to see the pain he caused me! But when I…when I was there. I don’t know. I just got soangryand when he tried to lose my tail, I just…I don’t know. I must have…I must have distracted him, because he didn’t see the headlights swerving in front of him. He-”
She cuts off as her grief overwhelms her, but I don’t have an ounce of empathy left to give. If what she’s saying is true–and I’m more than convinced that it is–then she’s the reason why my dad is dead. She’s the reason why I’m blind. She’s the catalyst that set in motion a range of events that inevitably changed every part of who I was.
She’s the reason I became a murderer.
“You killed him.” Fury floods me, blinding me to everything else as I slowly rise to my feet.
“No, I-” The disbelief on her face is almost laughable. As if she didn’t even remotely expect me to make that very simple connection.
“You fucking killed him! He wasn’t yours to take!” I’m practically shouting at this point and Andy gapes like a fish.
“I tried to save him, Izabella! I did!”
