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“He may not come from the kind of background you’d prefer, but he’s a good man. From a good family. His father has been the chief protection officer to King Gabriel for over ten years now. It’s not like he’s some bum off the street. He’s a decent person. He—”
“He’s been sworn into the royal guard.”
Her words ring out around me, stealing my breath. I blink, not wanting to believe I heard her correctly.
“As a member of the elite protection squad. He took his oath this morning in a special ceremony.”
“But his induction wasn’t supposed to be until the end of the month.”
“That’s true.” My grandmother straightens her spine. “But since Captain Lawson died in the line of duty, only members of the honor guard can have the privilege of carrying his casket during the funeral. And in order to be selected for the honor guard…”
“He has to be a member of the royal guard.”
She nods. “After suffering such a tragic loss, the privy council felt this was the least we could do for him and his family. After all, they’ve made the ultimate sacrifice.”
She gives me a pointed stare, and I know exactly what she’s thinking. That I’m the reason his family was forced to make that sacrifice. That if I’d just done as expected, I wouldn’t be here. Adam would still be alive.
“So you see, dear,” she begins in a patronizing tone. “There’s no reason for anyone to find out the truth. If anything, it’s better they didn’t. Do you really want this man you claim to love to learn that you’re the reason his brother is now dead?”
I don’t believe for a second Creed would blame me.
If anything, he’d blame himself. That’s the type of man he is.
I can’t stomach the idea of him shouldering the fault for this, regardless of how misplaced it is.
“Do we have an understanding, Esme?”
I stare at her, wanting to tell her we don’t. But what’s the point anymore?
Adam’s gone. Creed’s now officially a member of the royal guard.
It’s what I knew would happen.
But now that it has, it hurts worse than I imagined.
Because his induction has taken away the one thing I’ve been able to cling onto all summer, even before I realized it.
It’s taken away my hope.
Chapter Forty-Six
Esme
I look out the window at the brilliant sun, only a few clouds visible in the sky. It’s criminal for the weather to be so nice, especially today. It might be easier if the weather fit my mood, melancholy and full of sorrow.
I’ve been dreading this day since I woke up in the hospital ten days ago and was reminded why I was there. That someone had forced Adam off the road, then lit the car on fire, leaving both of us to die. I try to find comfort in the knowledge that I survived. That Adam would find comfort in the knowledge that I survived.
But nothing brings me comfort these days, not when I’m plagued with guilt for the role I played in Adam’s death.
If I hadn’t been so selfish and listened to my head instead of my heart, he’d still be here.
From now on, that’s what I plan to do. No more following my heart.
My grandmother told me years ago there’s no place for love in a monarchy.
She’s right.
I just wish it didn’t take Adam’s death to make me realize that.
