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James: Long live something seeing as the world is coming to an end. Watching Senior shaking hands with the new Don fucked me up.
Regan: Get over it. New times in NYC. New factions. Fewer deaths.
James: True.
Regan: Ain’t all bad.
FIRST LADY MURDERED
New York ison lockdown after an unthinkable strike against our democracy.
While visiting Green-Wood Cemetery in Brooklyn, our First Lady was struck down by an unknown assailant.
We’ve yet to hear from the White House about this tragic death but insiders are saying the president will not be making a speech about his wife’s passing—unusual in itself—and that he is asking for privacy for his sons to grieve the loss of their mother. The Secret Service is not commenting on the security breach that led to her assassination.
Turn to page seven for a full review of the life and the accomplishments of the First Lady of the United States.
TEXT CHAT
Lucas: I think I’m losing my mind.
Cade: Why?
Lucas: Paddy O’Donnelly’s alive.
Cade: No way. He died in the nineties!
Lucas: I’m telling you I just saw him.
Cade: Impossible.
Lucas: So you’re saying I am losing my mind, then.
Cade: Ah, fuck. Nothing’s impossible with the O’Donnellys. Maybe he pulled a Lazarus and came back to life.
Lucas: I fucking hope Senior doesn’t get resurrected!
Cade: Nah, he’s in the pits of hell.
Lucas: Where he belongs.
Aidan O’Donnelly Sr.’sfuneral was the biggest event of the year.
I told you sodidn’t get the chance to attend, but footage of the O’Donnelly patriarch’s burial has been incredibly hard to come across.
What we know is thatnoxxious’Dagger Daniels was there with his son Camden to support his daughter, Savannah (now married to Aidan O’Donnelly Jr.). One of the younger funeralgoers allegedly fainted at the sight of the internationally renowned singer.
Liam Donnghal, NHL star, was also in attendance. Politicians, New York socialites, and a few Broadway actors were also among the grievers, but I wanted an invitation to meet with the Mounties’ prized player who has beenveryquiet since his kidnapping last year.
TEXT CHAT
Regan: We’ve got a new Filthy King. I was there when Aidan Jr. sliced out that prick’s tongue.
James: Yeah, that was grody.
James: Packed a hell of a message though, didn’t it? He’s less crazy than his da, but that don’t say much about him, does it?
Regan: Not in the grand scheme of things.
