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I had done so because despite how Nazario felt about this baby, I had just thrown it onto him, and I knew I needed to give him time to adjust. Hell, I had just realized the possibility this morning, and my own world had been thrown into an upheaval, and there I was, worried more about his feelings than my own. When had I become such a fucking doormat?
I didn’t know the answer to that entirely, but I could surmise it was around the same time Nazario told me we were going to be married. I had obviously rejected that very thing, but I knew it was the only way to save face when it came to the community. I wanted to say I didn’t understand how the underworld worked, but it would be a lie. After Donna had died and I struggled to move on once back home, I had done what I needed to do to further my mission of vengeance.
It had been such a wonderful plan. I had endured things most other women wouldn’t have ever been able to survive, and all so I could come back and finish off the man responsible for what I had become. I had never anticipated feeling anything other than hatred for his only son. I certainly hadn’t planned to let him fuck me, but I had. Nazario excited me in ways that not even those in Sicily could. I never had to pretend with him, because my feelings had been genuine. Every cry, whimper, and moan I gave that man was honest.
God help me. I had fallen in love with the son of my enemy, and instead of celebrating what should be a joyous occasion, I was now scared he would follow through on his threats to get rid of me and this baby. Cazzo! I wasn’t even sure I wanted this child, but knowing he just expected me to have an abortion because he willed it made it impossible for me to do anything but bring this baby into this world. I might be in love with the man, but I wasn’t stupid.
“What am I going to do?”
The first thing I did was kick off my five-inch heels, then I flopped down onto the nearby chair. Earlier after I had told him the news, I had cried for a few minutes, then I did what I normally did where he was concerned, and I pulled myself together and got dressed. I hadn’t wanted to go to the club, but I wanted to be with him. The truth was, now that the pregnancy was starting to feel real, I was slightly afraid. The very thought of carrying a child sired by the monster I had returned to Naples to destroy was disgusting. It was worse than that, though. While I knew the child would have a piece of me inside of it, Nazario knew no such thing. If this was his brother, it was obvious he couldn’t love it like a father would his son.
Why did I even care? If he couldn’t come to terms with the possibility of that happening, maybe he would let me be free to live the rest of my life without fear. I could move to Sicily, then raise this child on my own without no help or mention of him or his father. Only, he would never let me just walk away. I knew too much. I represented too much. He would kill me in the same heartless fashion he had his father, and both baby and me would be dead. There was no escape.
“Ugh, I’m utterly screwed,” I bemoaned.
“Dinner is ready,” Nazario’s housekeeper announced as she entered the room.
“I’m sorry. I am not very hungry right now,” I told her, hoping I wouldn’t hurt her feelings.
The staff was just starting to warm up to me, especially since they first met me with Stefano, and now I was engaged to his son. It was such a tangled web I weaved, and not one I had ever imagined being in when I first hatched this plan for revenge. These employees of his had been in his life since he was young, and Nazario had told me one night how less lonely they made the place once his mother died.
“I’ve noticed you’ve not been feeling well lately so I made you a bowl of something my nonna used to make when I was ill.”
I looked at the woman and knew that she meant well. Since I needed to eat to keep up my strength, I begrudgingly got up and followed her into the kitchen. On the table, there was something that my father used to make for me, too. It was pasta in a butter and cheese sauce, which was supposed to help digestive issues. I didn’t know whether anyone on the staff knew what was causing me to be sick or not, but I sat and twirled my fork in the noodles.
I thought I had gotten over being sick, but as the smell wafted up in my nose, I had to force down some bile forming a lump in my throat. “Mangia!”
I brought the fork to my mouth and had to literally stop myself from gagging as I took a mouthful. Any other time, I would’ve loved this dish, but tonight, I supposed I was still ill from earlier. So much for morning sickness only happening in the daylight hours.
“Grazie,” I told her as I swallowed the bite down.
She seemed pleased enough with that and left the room. I nearly dropped the fork but caught it before it could clang off the bowl. I spent the next several minutes breaking up some of the handmade noodles and pretending as if I had eaten some of it. Eventually, even the smell was making me nauseous, so I emptied out the contents and set the bowl in the sink. From there, I returned to my room upstairs.
I managed to make it all the way to my bathroom before I threw up. I heaved for what felt damn near like an eternity, then I ran myself a bath. The large monstrosity sat in the center of the large space. It was made of expensive marble and had a pull-out sprayer in addition to the Roman faucet. It also had a large clear opening in the wall and on the other side of it stood the shower.
Once or twice, Nazario and I would use the two. I remember the first time we bathed and showered together. I had been lying in the tub, staring at him through the opening, and he had been standing there doing the same thing to me. I had pulled out the sprayer and touched myself as he watched, then turned the water on to get myself off. I had nearly climaxed when he came around the side and yanked me so quickly out of the tub. I ended up in the shower with my face smashed against that same glass as he fucked me hard from behind.
There’d be nothing like that tonight. I would need to try to relax, especially since he didn’t want me to go to the club with him after all. I had to think it was because of my news. I let out a deep sigh, then filled up the bathtub making sure to use one of the lavender-vanilla bath bombs. By the time the tub finished filling, I got undressed and sank into the warm basin of water. Another sigh escaped as my weary body relaxed even more, but it was more one of content.
I closed my eyes and no matter what I tried to think about, all I could see was his disappointment at the prospect of this baby being his father’s. The anger in his tone was bad, but the resignation in it when he had left was even worse. More tears sprang to my eyes and the dam broke. He hated me, and already despised this child I was carrying. He had insisted on getting a paternity test done, and since I had never anticipated ever getting pregnant by either man, I hadn’t studied up on how it could be done in utero. I just knew it could, but that was all.
More tears continued to fall as his threats from earlier echoed in my ears. “We’ll have it tested when able, and if it is his, you will get rid of it, or else I will get rid of you both.”
I wanted to tell him that it would happen over my dead body, but that’s exactly what I would end up if this baby turned out to be Stefano’s. It wouldn’t even matter if I got rid of it as he so eloquently put it. Nazario would consider me even more tainted, and I would meet the same sort of demise his mother had. Would he take me down easily? Or would he drag out the inevitable and kill me slowly? I knew it was likely the latter, and it would get him off, too. I was a dead woman walking.
“I can’t let you,” I said aloud. “I have to leave, and soon.”
How in the hell would I accomplish that, though? Nazario already had people watching me like a hawk. I needed to get to my friends in Palermo. They would help me get away, even if they had to hide me. Nazario was powerful in Naples, but not in Sicily. The men I had trained with over the years were just as powerful, and maybe even more lethal, than him, and they would be on their home turf.
I knew what I needed to do, but I just didn’t know how I would manage to get there. I couldn’t just pack a bag and walk out of the house. The Vaccaros had men everywhere, including airports, transportation, and customs. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he had people in the other island nation, although if he did, they could be snuffed out and annihilated like the Cosa Nostra did to so many others for less.
It was useless. I really had no other option than to allow his doctor to end this pregnancy, then beg him for my worthless life. No, groveling was beneath me. I would rather die than resort to that. The only time he might ever get me to beg would be during sex when he either forced or withheld orgasms from me. I really was in a losing battle and all because my body betrayed me at the worst possible time. We hadn’t even wed one another yet, so I could be eliminated even easier, and nothing would have to be explained.
I finally got out of the bath and drained the water. After drying off, I put on one of the silk gowns I had gotten during a recent shopping trip. I then blow-dried my hair before climbing into bed. The space beside me felt so empty and cold, and I knew it would remain that way. The tears from earlier returned and I turned against his pillow. I clutched it tightly against me, and eventually, I returned to crying.
NAZARIO
I’d gotten to the club, but my sour mood only worsened with every second I was there. To make matters worse, Maria had called to tell me that she suspected Viviana was sick. She also mentioned something about my fiancée not eating. I knew nausea was one of the signs of morning sickness, and sure the term wasn’t applicable to only certain times of the day. I supposed she could be afflicted with it. After all, she’d told me as much earlier tonight when I had demanded that she come to the club with me.
