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At a creak of one of the bottom steps, he looked up at me and I didn’t miss the way his eyes turned dark as he perused my body. The oversized sweatshirt hung loosely on me, but my lack of a bra was apparent, and the leggings hugged my curves. I wasn’t trying to dress to impress, but I couldn’t help the little spike of glee that came from his reaction.
I walked over and sat next to him on the couch, as far enough away as the small space would allow. I’d wanted to jump into his lap, but that seemed wildly off-base. At least until we hashed this out.
“So—”
“I wanted—”
We both began at the same time. I gestured for him to go first. He looked like he wanted to argue, but then thought better of it.
“I’m so sorry I was such a dick earlier.” He carefully took my hand in his, as if testing the waters. I let him, and squeezed my fingers around his large palm.
“You were a jerk,” I said, not cursing as usual. “But, I understand why. And I’m the one who should apologize to you.”
“I thought about what I’d say and do if I saw you again about a million times. I wished I could see you again just as many. And then there you were, standing in front of me and I ruined it.”
I turned to face him better.
“I’m so sorry for leaving like that, Drew. I never meant to hurt you.”
“Why did you?”
That was the question. The one I knew I’d have to answer, but was too scared to face. But he deserved the truth. I might not be ready to give him the whole truth, but I could try.
“It’s complicated.”
He pulled away and the disappointment on his face was palpable.
“No, wait, I mean it. It had nothing to do with you and me. At least, nothing bad. Those days we spent together meant everything to me. They changed my life. I mean that.” I thought carefully about my next words. “But I was in the middle of something that needed fixing before I could give any more of myself to you.”
“What do you mean? In the middle of what?”
I sighed and dropped my head back.
“I can’t tell you yet. I promise I will soon. And I promise there’s a good reason for all of it.”
“Why’d you even come here if you couldn’t tell me about it?” He was frustrated and I couldn’t blame him.
“Because I missed you too much. I felt so awful for leaving like that and I needed to at least apologize. To tell you that I didn’t leave because of you or anything you did. And then I got those texts you sent and it felt like fate. You hadn’t just forgotten about me like I feared. So I hopped on a plane the next day.”
“Wait, what texts?”
“The ones you sent a couple nights ago. I was asleep so I didn’t get them until yesterday morning.”
He slapped his hand on his forehead. “Oh Jesus Christ. You got those?”
I couldn’t hide my grin. I knew he’d been drunk or half asleep or out of sorts for some other reason. But it showed me he still cared, so I cherished them.
“Well that’s fucking embarrassing.”
But he grabbed my hand again and brought it to his lips to kiss my fingers. It felt natural, and I almost questioned if he realized he had done it.
“I was really hurt by the way you left me. I wanted to fight for you, but I felt like you abandoned me and everything we had together. I figured you didn’t want me.”
“I don’t blame you for thinking that. I should have explained, but I didn’t know how. I promise I will when I can.”
“So you just expect me to trust you?” His tone was questioning, but not harsh. He seemed genuinely curious.
“I’m hoping you’ll trust me. And that you’ll forgive me. If not now, then when I tell you more. But I understand if you can’t or won’t.”
