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“Don’t be so dramatic,” Valentino protests.
“How could you think—”
“What do you expect me to think? How do you expect me to act? Both of you nearly died on me. What if Cooper hadn’t gotten to our aid in time? Valentino fucking coded. Do you think I could make the choice between you two for who gets to live?”
“Of course, you’d save Valentino,” I say.
At the same time, Valentino says, “Of course, you’d save Sloane.”
Valentino and I glare at each other. “How dare you volunteer to die.”
For a stunned second neither of us speak. “Stop saying what I’m saying.”
“Me rodean los idiotas.” Tácito scrubs his face. “You can volunteer each other all you want, I’ll never find it easy to choose between you. And that’s a big fucking problem when you’re both determined to play the martyr.”
Valentino groans and rests his arm across his eyes. “Give up, Tácito. If you were in our shoes, you’d say the same thing.”
“I don’t want to think about what life would look like if I ever lost either of you.” To avoid their scrutiny, I pluck at my bedsheet.
“If it’s any consolation, I doubt what put us in this mess will happen again anytime soon. At least once we find my father. As to people in Ghost Six, we’ve thwarted their expansion and Ethan will report once our team eliminates their remaining members.”
“I forgot that was part of the initial plan,” Tácito admits. “But—”
“Way ahead of you. Sloane’s the First Lady now so I imagine taking assassination assignments is a thing of the past.”
Valentino and Tácito bore their gaze into me so hard I raise my chin to meet their stare.
“You’re right. No more murder-for-hire. I realized I was doing it for the wrong reasons, anyway.” I read their silence as a demand to continue. “Look, I joined the Air Force as a way to learn how to defend myself better, to overcome stronger opponents in a fight, and to some extent, feel what it would be like to actually kill my enemies. I always refrained from crossing that line because I didn’t like what it said about me.”
“Killing an enemy can be cathartic,” Valentino offers while wiggling his brows. “Very cathartic. I speak from experience.”
I can’t let his unsubtle reminder about my former lovers go unchallenged. I throw a pillow at him, but it falls to the ground, leaving me agitated. “Not everyone you killed was an enemy, personal or otherwise.”
“They fit my definition of an enemy.”
“Stop laughing Tácito! You two are unbelievable.”
“Alright, I’m not laughing.” Tácito’s lips wobble and I look for another projectile to throw. With a deep sigh, he says, “I’ll rest a lot easier knowing days like yesterday are behind us. There is one last thing…”
“Hurry up before you lose us. These meds are fucking strong. Why did I think to abstain?” Valentino holds his hand in the air and studies it with deep concentration.
“Dios! Fine. Before both of you zone out on me, I need you to be on your best behavior for Hilde.”
“Her again?” I ask.
As if I didn’t say anything, Tácito continues, “I’ve left her a list of bad habits to look out for. And, Valentino, she works for me now, so you can’t fire her.”
I stifle a yawn. One of the things I hate about pain meds and hospitals coming to pass is they never let me stay awake long enough. I’m glad we cleared up a few things, but my parents are still an issue. I’ll have to revisit my worries the next time I wake up.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Tácito
I’m keeping another secret. Almost an entire month has gone by and neither Sloane nor Valentino have figured where I’m spending my extra time. I hope this will be the last time I withhold information from them. It’s because I’m selfish. The reasons driving me will not heal me. They won’t stop the nightmares, but my actions will have residual benefits to my family, one being my family’s guaranteed safety.
Once I complete my personal pursuit, I’ll never have to bloody my hands with my baby’s remains. Never have to live through giving Valentino CPR while trying to jumpstart his heart with the defibrillator time and time again. Never have to worry about breaking the news to Sloane or Valentino that I couldn’t save one of them. And maybe, the nightmares will vanish.
The hour is late. I take a deep breath as I stand facing the door to my secret torment and redemption. No one knows about this place or how perfect it is for my needs. I crack the bones in my neck, square my shoulders, and enter hell.
