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He was going to go to hell for doing her. No doubt about it.
“Once I... I got used to you,” she said quietly, “it felt amazing. I didn’t think I would... you know, come the first time.”
Josh felt himself puff up at that bit of information. He was glad it was good. No decent guy would want a woman unsatisfied, but he still felt like shit for yelling at her.
“Why didn’t you say anything about it to me?”
“Because I knew you would stop. And because it’s...” She hesitated. “It’s embarrassing. It made me feel freakish.”
She was tucked neatly into the crook of his arm and when she leaned in, Josh felt that wave of protectiveness rush through him again. “I don’t think you should have been embarrassed, but I’m curious. You’re cute as hell; how did it happen?”
When she smiled wide, something sparked inside him. He liked it when she did that. “You think I’m cute? Really?”
“Yeah. Very. Why are you surprised?” He would have said it to her earlier, a hundred times, just to make her smile like she was now.
“I don’t know. I always felt kind of dorky. Meg is the pretty sister. I’m the smart one.”
“Oh, Jesus.”
Josh rose and went to his closet, coming back with a T-shirt he tossed at her. Examining it for a second before tugging it over her head, Josh was still wrapping his head around what she’d said. When she was dressed... kind of... he pulled her to her feet and led her to the kitchen.
Once there, he grabbed her by the waist, picked her up and plopped her on the kitchen island. She squeaked a little when he first picked her up, but the best reaction came when her bare ass hit the cold concrete countertop. Then he planted his hands on each side of her and looked her square in the eyes. “That whole pretty sister, smart sister thing is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Meg is prettier than me.”
“Meg is gorgeous, and she’s also smart as a whip. You’re brilliant, and you’re goddamn adorable. So what’s this pretty sister, smart sister shit?”
Caroline shrugged and twisted her fingers. “It’s just kind of the way I’ve always felt. She always had boyfriends; guys love her.”
Josh put his finger under Caroline’s chin and tilted her face toward his. “So you didn’t have sex until now because you didn’t feel as pretty as your sister?”
“No. It just got away from me.” She fiddled with the hem of the T-shirt and he could tell she was trying to focus on anything but him. “School was crazy-hard and I didn’t have time for relationships. I thought after I graduated it would happen, but there’s really been no one. After a while you avoid the situation because it’s so humiliating.” She turned her face and looked up at him, straightening her spine. “I did get close twice, but when I was honest about it, the men backed off. That’s why I didn’t say anything.”
He understood, strangely enough. He would have backed off too. That whole taking her virginity thing weighed on him. But what weighed on him more was why she let him do it. She was cautious and not inclined to do the casual sex thing.
“Why me, Caroline?”
“Uh, what do you mean?”
“Why did you let me take you to bed? Granted we know each other, but that could make a one- night stand more awkward.”
The look on her face was pure panic. He’d obviously struck a nerve with the question and he guessed it had something to do with the dream she mentioned. There was definitely more here, and Josh intended to find out eventually, but right that moment he figured he’d back off. It was for the best because his stomach was rumbling and he figured she was probably in the same boat. So even though she was looking pretty delicious, Josh focused on something he could control.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
She nodded, still looking nervous. He didn’t like that. He hated that she felt so self-conscious around him. They both needed to relax and let the air around them settle. Vinnie had packed a box of homemade cannoli and Italian cookies that Josh had stashed in the fridge, and if he remembered right, Caroline had a serious sweet tooth. Placing the box next to her on the counter, he watched her lick those gorgeous lips of hers. Jeez. He had to shake off the visuals. He’d never thought about her like this and he never could again. It was stupid. It was dangerous.
Caroline took the box, opened it and took out one of the cannoli. She nibbled at it and Josh did a good job getting every dirty thought out of his mind, until she looked right at him and licked a dollop of sweet cream from the end of the pastry.
Holy shit. He was a dead man.
“Caroline?”
“Yes?”
“You don’t want to go home yet, do you?” He got as close as he could, standing between her legs, forgetting all about his hunger.
“I hadn’t thought about it.”
