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Sometimes I wonder how big a role I played in forming it. While we were together, no one would ever have thought of him as cold or unapproachable. That only came after, and the shift was so noticeable because the only time hewasn’t, was when he was around me.
He’s not cruel. In fact, as Beta, he’s worked hard to earn the respect of our packmates. Most packmates are drawn to a high-ranking wolf who acts as though he never loses control. It makes them feel secure in the power of the pack. They’re content, knowing that, if the Alpha went on a rage, there’s at least one other wolf who can temper his, well,temper.They don’t see his lack of visible emotions as a weakness. It’s the opposite. He’s strong, and there isn’t a single packmate in Hickory who isn’t loyal to a fault to West.
Still, there’s no denying that—to those who don’t know him as well as I do—the Beta is cold. Rational. He speaks in a clipped voice, and takes nobody’s shit. While nobody wants to have to face the Alpha’s dominant beast and explosive fury, those with a brain know that West might be icy cold, but he’s just as dangerous.
In a shifter pack,dangerousis a good thing.
But while West has a reputation, I’ve always seen the other side of this male. The male who would slip a ‘fuck’ into every other sentence when he’s excitable about getting his point across, with his wicked smile and his even more wicked fingers, and a scorching look that could make the right female nearly combust on the spot. The male who is stubborn and determined enough to push against insurmountable odds. The male who loves with his whole heart, who swallows his pain, who refuses to let anyone see it… but who couldn’t hide it from me.
Until now. Until he sacrificed his fated mate.
Whether Quinn did the actual rejecting or not, if West had claimed her when they first recognized each other as fated mates, she would’ve had him. She never would’ve left to be with her feral shifter mate on a small patch of land across Louisiana. West would have been hers—but he isn’t, and it’s all my fault.
Not that he’d blame me. He doesn’t have to. From the moment he came to me, telling me he was free only for me to remind himagainthat I wasn’t, West… started treated me like I was like every other packmate in Hickory.
It’s what I thought I wanted. For West to finally move on… it’s what was the best for both of us, and the pack.
Even so, I don’t realize how much I missed having him near until he’s gone.
No more stops at my cabin. No more wistful, puppy dog looks at dinner when I decline his offer to fetch me a plate. No more daringly whispered compliments, or visits to the hickories where West goes to blow off some steam before coming to me with a hole in his chest that I would give anything to be able to fill again.
No more flowers.
The flowers hurt the most. They shouldn’t. I have no claim to West, and I’m being the height of selfish, taking his drawing back from me as a personal insult. It might have taken him three years, but he finally got the hint and left me alone—and Ihateit.
I haven’t spoken to him in two weeks. That’s unheard of for us. Even if we couldn’t be mates, West has always been my best friend. It’s why I wouldn’t reject him as brutally as another she-wolf might; I meant it when I told him that I never wanted to hurt him. I guess I just never expected it to be so hard when he finally became as cold and distant with me as he is everyone else.
For the last few days, I don’t even see him. I’ve taken to spending any of my free time on the porch of my cabin, hoping to get a glimpse of him. My wolf whines at his continued absence. My human side isn’t doing too much better.
Not that the rest of the pack has any idea. The best thing about being an Omega? I can sense, read, and even manipulate other wolves’ emotions, but I’m an expert at concealing how I truly feel.
They see prim, perfect Helene with her placid expression, bouncy blonde curls, and soft yellow eyes sitting on the porch, legs crossed beneath her dress, staring dreamily out into the comings and goings of the Sylvan Pack and have no idea that I want to rip every last hair out of my head.
But I can’t. Like Bishop, like West, I’ll do my duty for the good of the pack. And if I’m bitter sometimes at what being the perfect Omega has cost me, without West to see through my facade—one of only two in the pack who can—no one knows the turmoil inside of me.
Depending on which Luna he wants to perform the Luna Ceremony, I’ll be leaving for Texas soon. One week, maybe five… but it doesn’t matter to him. It seems like West has already said his goodbye.
I finally asked Bishop if West was busy with pack duty. No. West asked for some time off from his responsibilities, and since he hasn’t had any break since becoming the pack Beta six years ago, Bishop gave him all the time he needed.
Translation: he doesn’t want to be around me, and he probably won’t come back until after I’ve already left to be with my intended.
I already knew that he’s spent most of that time off pack land. Though our bond might not be fated, it was forged from a lifetime of friendship, and five years of a committed relationship. I can’t follow him through it—that only works with fated mate bonds, or those that the Luna blesses during the full moon—but I can always sense when he’s away from Hickory.
Away from me.
And, honestly, I don’t blame him one bit.
* * *
I finally sawWest again this morning.
It was the fleetest glimpse. I’d sensed him returning to Hickory last night, too late to visit him at his cabin. I’d hoped that, maybe, he might visit me before breakfast. He didn’t, and when I went to the pack circle to eat breakfast with some of my other packmates, he was already on his way out.
I saw him from the distance. No way I could miss the way he moves, or how his body fills out his jeans. His wolf is like a beacon; even if I didn’t recognize him from behind, the spark of his beta wolf sings to me. But he was gone before I could even think to go after him, so I grabbed some food from the communal serving dishes, then sat down.
Everyone wants to sit near the Omega. They want to sense my wolf brushes against theirs… but actually sittingwithme? West was the only one who ever did.
Just because I’m on my own, doesn’t mean that I’m apart from the rest of the community. As I eat my eggs, I can hear the latest gossip. Shifters are worse than little old human ladies, and by the time I’m finished, I discover that West isn’t the only one who returned to Hickory last night.
