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“Are you ready to come…” he asks, his lips brushing mine again. “Up to my room?”
I swallow down my answer at the second part of his question because he took it in a direction I didn’t think he would.
I know what I should do. I’m just incapable of it right now. It would be impossible to pull away from this man and the way his lips move over mine, so I live in the moment, knowing once it’s over, it can never happen again.
“Fuck, you turn me on,” he whispers, his tongue striking out to swipe at my lips in a carnal, messy sort of way that I had no idea I’d like as much as I do. “Those sounds you’re making are a serious turn-on. I think—”
“Shit, sorry.”
My pulse pounds uncontrollably in a very different way at the sight of Slick and Aro standing in the entrance to the hallway. There is literally no alternative reason for why Drake and I are standing against each other like we are, other than the truth.
My head drops in shame, my throat threatening to seize with guilt. I push at Drake’s chest, considering it a small blessing when he takes a step back rather than forcing the issue.
I walk away from all of them, my heart filled with disgrace. The lower half of my body hasn’t caught on to what’s happening, and I have to walk through the bar with an erection. I don’t make eye contact with the woman who didn’t seem to understand no when she touched my leg more than once earlier. Thankfully, she doesn’t follow me out the front door.
I’m climbing into the SUV when the passenger side door opens. I don’t say a word to Slick as we both settle inside. I know Harley and Alyssa will catch a ride with Aro and Ugly, so I don’t hesitate to start the vehicle and drive out of the parking lot.
We don’t say a word as I drive back to the clubhouse, even though I feel like I need to make excuses for what she witnessed. I fight the urge to apologize for putting her in such an awkward position, to have observed such shameful behavior. I don’t open my mouth because a man kissing another man isn’t something foreign to either of us. Snatch and Itchy kiss. Tug and Max kiss. Landon and Rick kiss. None of those couples apologize for loving another man. They don’t make excuses because, to them, what they do isn’t wrong. I don’t look at them with judgment. I don’t think about how their souls may be destined for the pits of hell because that isn’t their belief.
My beliefs are what I struggle with, and I feel as if they only belong to me. I’ve never tried to push my beliefs onto someone else. As I drive and think about this, I consider that maybe I’m losing my mind. Maybe I’m not the sanest person as I once considered myself to be.
None of the men involved in less-than-traditional relationships are going to go to hell because it’s not a part of their beliefs that they will.
If only shifting my own belief system were easier, then maybe I too could be who I am without remorse or regret, without the fear of facing the devil one day.
I release a slow breath as I pull into the parking lot outside the clubhouse. I know I won’t be able to solve any of these problems tonight. It’s something I’ve been dealing with for as long as I can remember.
“It’s not what you think,” I find myself saying as I hit the ignition switch on the SUV.
Silence fills the inside of the vehicle for a long moment.
“But it could be, and that would be okay,” she whispers.
Slick is a psychologist and probably the one more qualified to help me work through the things I’m struggling with, but she’s also a teammate. The last thing I need is anyone on the team looking at me differently. It could compromise missions or, even worse, somehow harm my position with Cerberus.
I don’t say another word as I climb out of the SUV and head toward the garage. Besides Aro, Ugly, and me, everyone else is partnered up with someone. I’ll have privacy in the garage because the other two single men are still back at Jake’s.
I have no idea what the next conversation with Aro is going to be like. If he pretends he didn’t see a damn thing that would be best. One thing I do know is that I don’t have to worry about being confronted by men I thought were my friends seconds before they beat the crap out of me.
I’m nothing but a simmering ball of confusion as I grab a bottle of water from the fridge in the garage. Summer has made its way to New Mexico and even ten at night is still rather warm.
