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It was all coming out.
All of it.
Every fucking sad and sordid fact.
I never said all of this to anyone.
“She manipulated the nurse. Literally every fucking thing she does is manipulation, but that nurse who called me was also the one who let it out. Fallen Crest isn’t that big. Gossip spreads fast, and now everyone back home knows about her. My old friends weren’t the greatest people, and one of them is here. Kit’s a bitch, but she helped me out with my thing with Burford so she’s here expecting me to do what? Come in and kiss her ring? I have to ask her not to say anything and… I never wanted to owe anyone anything. Ever. Learned that when I was six, not to owe anyone. And now you know, and you’re hearing me, and you’ve met her. I feel like my world is imploding and I don’t even know why.”
Panic. Fear. Anger. All of it was lit up in me. I couldn’t hide.
Old Mara would be a bitch. Push him away. Slam the walls down. Protect myself, protect myself, protect myself. That’s what it was all about. Keep everything separate, but nothing was separate anymore. And gah. I couldn’t bring myself to cut this tie off to him.
I could push everyone else away. But not him. Not Cruz.
“What do you want to do?”
“I have no idea.” I looked over, seeing his face in shadow and for some reason that tugged at my heartstrings. He wasn’t freaking out. He wasn’t making this about him. He was sitting here and being present with me. He was letting me talk. “I don’t want to go back. I don’t have the energy to pull a wall around me, but going back to my place or your place and having sex feels like hiding.” A hard laugh ripped from me. “Can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I don’t want to hide either.”
“You eat?”
“What?”
He reached for the gear shift. “Did you eat yet?”
“No.”
“We’re getting pizza and heading back to my house. Pizza and a movie. We’re not going back, but also not hiding either.”
I considered it, and he was right. It was a perfect option.
That’s when I said it. “Thank you for the apartment.”
He glanced my way, held my gaze, and gave me a slight nod.
That was it. That was perfect.
We were a third of the way into the movie, the pizza half eaten in the box on the coffee table in front of us when the guys came home. They were loud, and as soon as the door opened, we saw why. Gavin and Zeke had come with them.
So had Miles. “Roomie!”
He opened his arms wide, his coat falling off from the motion. He left it where it fell. He half flung himself toward me but must’ve thought differently because instead of landing on me, he folded in on himself and ended up on the floor right in front of where I was sitting. Cruz and I both had our feet stretched out on the coffee table, the pizza box moved aside, and each of us had our own individual blankets. “Oooh, pizza!”
Gavin scooped up the box, grabbing a piece and handing it over to Zeke, who was coming in right behind him.
“How are you doing tonight, roommate?” Miles had turned his face toward me, blinking his eyes so many times that it was obvious he was two seconds away from passing out.
I reached forward, half shoving his shoulder backwards. “Fine. Go pass out in a room somewhere.”
“Hmmm.” It was meant as a protest. It came out like he was eating in his sleep.
Gavin dropped the box, taking us in before ending on Miles. “Come on, Gaynor.” He went over and half-picked him up by grabbing his arm and yanking him upright.
“Hey…”
He took him to the hallway as Labrowski yelled from the kitchen, “Do we have more pizza?”
AJ wandered in, munching on the last piece from our box. He sank down in one of the lounge chairs and smiled drunkenly at us. “Hey you two. How’s it going? Whatcha watching?”
Cruz answered, but I was focused on Zeke, who was still standing, eating his pizza, his gaze focused on me over his slice.
“What?”
Zeke took a big bite and shook his head, but he was still eyeing me.
“Look elsewhere while you eat.”
He gave me a brief grin before transferring his gaze to Cruz, and the same thing. He took another big bite.
Cruz wasn’t as bothered, instead shifting back. He gave Zeke a chin-lift sort of thing. It was very manly. “You got a girl, Allen?”
Zeke was still chewing and shook his head.
Cruz motioned to me. “You wanting this one?”
I almost choked on how blunt he was being. Zeke paused mid-chew, his eyes narrowing, but then he kept on chewing and shook his head again.
