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I nodded, feeling flushed and cold at the same time without his body heat. I looked at the floor because I couldn’t quite handle the intensity of his handsome face. “Yeah. Yeah. Of course.”
He reached out and grabbed my hand. “You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. I want you to know that. We’ll figure this out. I promise.”
Just like that, I was warm again. I looked up and met his eyes. “I know,” I breathed out. Because in that moment, with his hand so strong in mine, it was easy to believe the impossible.
18
WALKER
Rather than walking into the dining room for breakfast like we normally did, I took Jasmine by the hand and started to lead her outside. “Let’s go for a walk by the lake first. I’d like to start my day with fresh air and nice scenery. I don’t know about you, but the walls are starting to feel as if they’re closing in on us.”
“What will Mrs. Hawthorne say?” Jasmine asked, though she didn’t resist in the slightest as I tugged her down the hallway and toward the front door.
“I don’t give a fuck.”
And I didn’t. I’d always liked Mrs. H. I grew up around her. But she was just as much part of the problem as the Elders were. She stood by and watched the Order of the Silver Ghost morph into what it was today.
Evil. Corrupt. Fucked up beyond belief.
Maybe it’s always been that way, and I was just too young and naive to see it. But regardless, Mrs. H wasn’t faultless in all this.
The minute we stepped outside of the house, I instantly knew we made the right decision. The sky was a brilliant blue, and the sun shone down on us like a golden halo. The birds were singing in harmony, and a light breeze wafted through the air, carrying with it the scents of the nearby trees and wildflowers. It was a breath of fresh air, and it felt like all of the musty old ghosts who had been trapped inside the house for so long were evaporating from my senses.
Glancing over at Jasmine, I saw that she had closed her eyes and was inhaling deeply, as if she, too, was shedding all of the darkness that had been pinned inside of her.
Taking her hand in mine, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. Now that we were here, I somehow knew that everything would be alright. At least during this Disney-like moment in our fucked up bleak existence, I could lie and convince myself we’d make it another day.
We walked hand-in-hand, not saying a word, but I felt more connected than ever before. The sounds of nature and the shining sun seemed to have a magical power, filling me with an overwhelming sense of peace and clarity.
“I hate that you’re going through this,” I said as we walked toward the lake. A place I was starting to see as our special place. Our sanctuary.
“We are going through this,” she corrected with a squeeze of my hand.
“I’ve done some shitty stuff in my past. And I know I have a future doing even shittier stuff considering I’m a St. Claire. But nothing will compare to what I’ve had to do to you in these Trials. I don’t know how you’ll ever forgive me.”
As we approached the lake’s edge, we stood beneath a tree for shade. Jasmine turned to me, her eyes locking with mine. “There’s nothing to forgive. You’re doing what you have to, just as I’m doing what I must do.” Her eyelashes fluttered as she looked down at the ground, and then back up at me. “I’m not asking for an apology.”
Her hair billowed in the morning breeze, and her eyes beamed with a kind of warm, gentle light I had never seen before.
The moment seemed to stand still, and suddenly all I wanted to do was be closer to this woman, to feel her body against mine. Jasmine’s lips parted as I stepped closer, and her breath seemed to pause as I reached out to touch her.
The rough bark of the oak tree behind her felt like an anchor as I pressed my body against hers, my mouth on hers. Her lips were soft and gentle, though my body was strong and hard against her, trapping her. The desire to embrace the girl and hold her tight, kiss her passionately and feel her body against my own washed over me. My muscles flexed and my hands pressed into her skin, but I held myself back.
The moment lingered, and the air around us seemed electric with possibilities.
I didn’t want to frighten her. I didn’t want to spook her. I wanted her to feel safe with me. I wanted to be able to show her the world and make her happy. I wanted to be the gentleman who this Southern belle had been groomed to expect.
