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Would her love be like his grandfather’s, tempered by expectations and needs Sandor had little hope of fulfilling? Or would it be like his mother’s love…unconditional and willing to accept him for who he was? He was self-aware enough to realize that while he did not need her love, if he had it, he wanted it to come with acceptance.
He said nothing in response to her declaration. He did not know what to say that would not hurt her further. He could not return the words in all honesty and it seemed wrong to thank her for something he was not sure would not end up hurting him as love so often did.
So, he kissed her instead. Gentle, coaxing kisses that lasted until she stopped crying and slipped into sleep, her arms wrapped tightly around him, her head resting on his shoulder.
CHAPTER SEVEN
ELLIE SAT ON THE BEACH, looking over the ocean as the sun slowly sunk in the sky behind her. She was tired from the long plane ride and two-hour drive from Barcelona to the small coastal town that boasted its own castle and a pebbly beach perfect for sunbathing.
It was empty of sun-worshippers now, the small town’s night life in full swing. It felt strange to be truly alone and she could not remember the last time she’d gone anywhere without her security detail.
She’d woken that morning in the bittersweet comfort of Sandor’s warm embrace, her own hold on him just as strong. While her eyes were closed and his arms held her so securely, she could pretend he loved her. Once he’d woken, he’d made love to her and then…he’d left. After telling her that she had the weekend to think.
It was so typical of him to put a time limit on her ruminations, but the fact that he was giving her that time without further argument shocked her. It really did. It was so out of character for him.
Or was it? How well did she know him? She loved him, but that didn’t mean she had an automatic in to the way his mind worked. Her dad would never have given an opponent time to regroup. Sandor hadn’t even tried to tell her she had no reason to be scared. He’d said he expected her to come to terms with that truth on her own.
He’d stood there in front of her door, his big hands cupping her face and said, “You will either accept me for who and what I am, what I am capable of giving you, or you will not. You will either realize you have nothing to fear from me, or you will allow your fears to derail our future. It is your choice.”
Then he’d kissed her and walked out the door.
While she doubted she would come to the conclusion that she had nothing to fear, she was rapidly approaching the one that life without him seemed much bleaker than life with him and without his love. Her own love was the biggest weapon against her in this battle. A battle that no matter how much the wounded parts of her heart left bleeding by her dad’s lifelong indifference told her she had to win, she was uncertain of. Because the stronger, more complete part of her heart—the part that loved Sandor and believed in life’s possibilities no matter what pain her past held, said the battle was in living and she was better off fighting for love than against it.
Sandor was everything she could imagine in a lover, but so much more, too. He was loving…to his mother. He was caring…with her. He was fair. He was honorable. And he was just so darn good. She couldn’t believe the way learning he could never lie to his mother had impacted her.
His grandfather’s strictures on integrity had taken deep root inside Sandor Christofides. And that just impressed Ellie to death.
Her dad had no problem lying to Ellie when he thought it was for her own good, but then he didn’t love her. Not really. She’d wondered before if he’d ever loved anyone. Her mother? She got the feeling that losing her mom right after Ellie’s birth had destroyed his heart. But she could be wrong. She had no way of knowing.
Both sets of her grandparents had died by the time she was six years old. Her dad’s father had died of a heart attack at work the year Ellie turned six and his mother had been gone before Ellie had ever been born. Her mom’s parents had died in a car accident caused by a drunk driver going the wrong way on the freeway two years before that.
She hadn’t told Sandor the complete truth last night. She had been loved once. She could remember the warm feel of her grandmother’s arms around her when she was really little. The way her grandpa had smiled at her as if she was the sunshine in his sky, but it had been so long, sometimes she forgot what it was like to be loved.
She remembered that warmth when she was around Hera, though. The older Greek woman made Ellie wonder what it would be like to have a mother. And part of her craved marriage to Sandor because she knew that if she married him, his mother would become her mother and someone in the world would actually love her. Sandor, who refused to acknowledge the emotion had no idea how very lucky he was to have had not one, but two people love him in his life.
