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“Sasha—”
“I’ll never have that with you,” she cuts me off in a voice so pained, so broken, I want to kick myself in the balls. “I can’t be your woman in front of everyone.”
“That’s not a choice I made. You did.”
“I know…I know…I made myself into a man, and I have to live with the consequences. I have to…stay like this.” She sniffles and takes another sip from the bottle. “But if I…if I become a woman again, would you end it with her?”
I slowly close my eyes, and when I open them, she’s looking at me with so much expectation, the fact that I have to turn them black sickens me. “I can’t do that. You’ll be killed by the Pakhan and Igor.”
A sob rips out of her throat, and she hits my chest with the bottle of vodka, sending splashes all over my shirt and jacket. “And you don’t think you’re killing me right now?”
“It’s temporary. Once I become the one who rules everyone, you can be a woman all you want. No one will dare defy me.”
“And what am I supposed to do until then? Be your guard while you court Kristina? Watch you marry her? Kiss her? Bring her here? I can’t do that, Kirill!” She sobs. “I just can’t!”
My jaw tightens. “If you prefer to stay with Karina for a while, I will allow it.”
“No! I’m still in your space that way. I will still hear about you and your future wife, and I can’t…I can’t…”
“What do you suggest then?”
Her lips tremble. “End it with her. Choose me.”
“I told you I can’t do that.”
Fresh tears stream down her cheeks, and she lets her hand that’s holding the bottle fall to her side. “Then let me go.”
My hand flexes, about to turn into a fist and choke the fucking shit out of her. “No.”
“You can’t have us both!” She punches me in the chest. “I won’t be your damn mistress!”
“You’ll be whatever the fuck I want you to be, Sasha.” I grab her by the throat. “You owe me, remember? You also told me you love me and wouldn’t leave me only a few hours ago. Do you remember that or did you already forget about your promise at the first test?”
“I didn’t think you’d have another woman, or I would’ve never said that!” She pushes at my chest. “Please let me go. You’ll have your wife, duties, and stupid power, and I’ll have my own path. Do it for both of us.”
“No. You already pledged your life to me.”
“I want out, Kirill. If you…make me watch you with her, I’ll run away, and you’ll never find me.”
“Who are you running to, hmm?” I squeeze my fingers tighter around her throat. “Your lover in Russia? Are you using this chance to reunite with him?”
“What if I am? What if I fucking am!” She pushes me so hard, she actually manages to make me loosen my grip, then she frees herself and knocks me on my back.
I let her straddle me, tears clinging to her eyes, but her expression is that of a warrior. “You have a damn fiancée, so you have no fucking right to talk to me about a lover or a hundred of them. Fuck you, Kirill! Fuck you! Fuck you!”
Her tears drip onto my cheek, my nose, and I taste them on my lips.
My fingers bunch in her shirt. “You’ll never leave me, Sasha. Never.”
And then I tug her down and slam her mouth against mine. She tries to resist, but I flip us over so that I’m on top and she’s beneath me.
I kiss her, and she kisses me back, but she soon bites my lower lip, then wrestles me so that she’s on top again. A metallic taste explodes in my mouth, and I’m not sure if it’s her blood or mine.
Turns out, it’s both of ours. When she pushes back, her lips are bloodied, her eyes full of tears, and her face is a map of destruction.
“You’ll never keep me, asshole. You made your choice, and I’m making mine.” She grabs me by the shirt and then punches me in the face. “Fuck you!”
And then she pushes off me and runs to the entrance.
My lips pull in a smirk. Does she think she can leave me?
She must’ve underestimated what I really meant by never.
There will never be a day when Sasha is no longer mine.
23
SASHA
I slowly open my eyes, and a strong headache spreads from my temples to my forehead.
A burn explodes in my lower lip, and my body feels like a heavy brick.
I prop myself up on my elbows and groan when nausea assaults my throat. Damn it.
I’m not a drinker, so why the hell did I consume so much alcohol…?
Memories from last night hit me in my already-fried brain.
