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“I never thought you were either, but you found Brice.”
“And it looks like you found Sara.”
“Not exactly.” I sigh and push the glass away. “Whatever might be brewing between us, it’ll never happen.”
“Why not?”
I stare at my hands. My rough, dirty hands. I can dress up in expensive clothes all I want, but I’ll always be what I am. “She hates people like me. She wishes I had nothing to do with her.”
He laughs quietly. “Sounds familiar.”
“There’s not much I can do about it. The girl’s fucking stubborn.”
“So you’re giving up?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Carmine leans back and crosses his arms. I glance at him as he grins at me for a long moment and I regret mentioning this. The shit with Sara, that’s all private, and half of it is pure speculation. We’ve slept together, we’ve had our moments, and there’s a feeling building inside of me, but I don’t know what she’s thinking or what she really wants. Maybe this really is only sex and comfort for her, and everything else is a product of my imagination. A hallucination, a cheap trick. I could be fooling myself into thinking there’s something real between us, but it feels so fucking big and just past my fingertips, like it’s right there beyond my grasp.
“You want some advice?” Carmine asks.
“Absolutely not.”
“Here’s what you have to do. It’s going to blow your mind, but you can handle it. You ready?”
“Not interested.”
“You have to talk to her.” He leans closer. “That’s all.”
“Thanks, wow, you really did just turn my world upside down.”
He laughs and holds his glass up. “Here’s to communicating like grown-ass adults.”
“Here’s to you not understanding the nuances of my situation.”
We both drink.
“Why don’t you stay here and have a few more on my tab?” Carmine asks as he pushes away his glass and stands. “I have to go meet Brice for dinner. The staff won’t kick you out so long as you stick to the bar and don’t make a fuss.”
“I think it’d rather throw myself off that fancy fucking tree than sit around in here for longer than is necessary.”
“You really hate this place, don’t you?”
“I don’t belong.” I stand and we walk out together slowly, heading back into the massive atrium lobby. “This place makes me feel wrong. The way the people act, the way the staff talks to us, it’s just—it doesn’t fit.”
“This place means nothing,” Carmine says, looking around. “It’s all show. It’s all facade. I’m starting to see what’s underneath it, and I’m telling you, Angelo, it’s all rot.”
“Yeah? You think? I know rot. I’ve seen rot. This shit’s pretty nice.” I run my fingers down a gleaming railing and gesture at the giant oak tree growing in the middle of the lobby. “That’s almost magic.”
“It’s all show.” Carmine jabs a finger into my chest. “You have more than any of these petty fuckers will ever have. You’ve got heart and blood and muscles and brains. You had to earn your place while most of the rich fuckheads in here were handed everything. Hell, even I was born into my father’s family. I struggled, but not like you did. You think it’s hard to stay rich once you’re fucking rich? It’s really not. It’s a lot harder to be born with nothing and to end up with something, and look at you now.”
“Tell that to Sara. When she looks at me, all she can see is the street kid. All she can see is the blood and sweat.”
“If that’s a bad thing to her then maybe you really should let it go and find someone else. Angelo, you’ve got to accept the man you were because you’re still him and you always will be. You’ve got to let go of how everyone looks at you. Do you really think I give a fuck that the snobby cocksuckers in here see me and think I’m beneath them because I’m a Don?”
“You don’t seem to mind.”
“Not one tiny bit.” He turns to me and squeezes my arm. “You know why? Because I know what I am. I know how hard I worked to get here. I know how much blood’s on my hands, and what that blood means.”
I give him a tight smile. “Thanks for the pep talk, brother. But the fact remains that Sara’s parents have her thinking I’m nothing but a lowlife, and they’re not wrong. I am a lowlife.”
“I’d rather be a lowlife than a prissy little shit.” Carmine sighs and turns away. “Just don’t let that stop you from taking what you want. That’s the thing. These bastards, they have everything, but they still want more. If you’re going to get a piece, you need to fight them off and grab hold of what you need with both hands and rip it from them. Leave them bloody and begging in the end.”
