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“I don’t know,” I admit.
“Do you want to be a father? Do you want this baby? No, don’t look at me like this, be fucking honest. Before you knew she was pregnant, did you want to have a child?”
“No,” I say and speaking that word out loud nearly kills me. “I never thought I could ever be good enough for that.”
“And there’s your problem. If you don’t believe it, who’s going to?”
I look up at the ceiling and don’t reply. I hoped Sara would’ve, but now I see how naive and fucking stupid that was.
Wanting could turn into more—
But only when we can see each other clearly, and I don’t think Sara’s ever really looked at me.
Not really.
All she can see is the gangster, the pain, the violence. She doesn’t see my loyalty, my protectiveness, my deep caring, my abiding love for everyone in my family, everything I sacrificed for my grandmother, everything I sacrificed for Carmine, and everything I’d sacrifice for Sara and my baby.
She only sees the tattoos, the bruises, the pain.
“I thought we were starting to build something,” I tell him. “But it was resting on a shaky foundation.”
“I know, and I’m sorry things worked out this way. But Sara doesn’t want you involved in the case anymore, and if I’m going to convince her to see this through then I have to respect that. I need you to back down, Angelo.”
“I’m not going back to Philly. Not until Nicolas is out.”
“Fine. You can stay. But you need to leave Sara alone, at least until she decides she wants to talk.” I say nothing and let my silence speak for me. It stretches and finally Carmine rubs his face and stands. “You’re a pain in my ass, Angelo. You know that?”
“I’m aware.”
“All right. Get out of here. Say hello to Brice on the way out. And Angelo, think about things and don’t do something stupid.”
I nod and head into the hall. Carmine stands behind, staring into the fire. I find Brice in the kitchen, kiss her cheek, make short small talk, then ride the elevator to the ground floor.
Once outside, I stand in the heat on the sidewalk and look out at the street.
An ugly, sinking feeling lodges itself in my gut.
There’s no way I can leave Sara alone. Not while she’s in the clutches of her parents. Not while she’s carrying my baby. I’m staying here for Nicolas, but I’m also staying here for her.
For the first time in my life, I’m going to go against my Don’s wishes, because Sara and my baby matter more than anything else now.
It took me a while to come to grips with everything. At first, I felt desolate and broken like I’d never come back from this. I thought about leaving, thought about forgetting her, thought about giving her what she wanted and pretending like she didn’t exist.
But that’s what everyone expects from a guy like me.
A guy that doesn’t step up. A guy that ignores his family, that doesn’t take responsibility for his own mistakes.
I’m not that guy. I refuse to be what everyone thinks I am.
Sara is mine. That baby is mine. And I’m not giving up on them.
Only I have to find a way to rip her from her parents and make her see me for what I am.
Loyal. Brave. Deeply, madly, stupidly in fucking love with her.
And I don’t turn my back on the people I care about.
Chapter 25
Sara
Visiting Nicolas in prison is a lot harder without Angelo, but I refuse to admit that I need him here to keep me calm. I don’t need anything from anyone, at least that’s what I’m telling myself, even if I keep thinking about Angelo’s voice, the way he would stand slightly in front of me like he was shielding me from the world, the way he would check in and make sure I was okay.
Really, I’m so damn terrified all the time, from the moment I wake up to the second I close my eyes at night, and it never goes away.
Nicolas looks better. The bruises are faded and he’s sitting up straighter like his ribs aren’t bothering him anymore. He seems almost in a good mood as he grins at me from across the table.
“I didn’t expect you to show up alone,” he says and drums his fingers on the table. “Where’s Angelo at?”
“Angelo and I aren’t working together anymore.” I do my best to keep the nerves from my voice. I expected him to ask and I’m glad we’re getting it out of the way up front. “I’m only here to ask you a few questions about what happened.”
His eyebrows raise. “You two get in a fight or something? Angelo’s got a rough exterior, but he’s a good guy on the inside. I doubt anyone else would drop everything to fly down here just to try to pull my ass out of prison.”
