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This sudden passion coming from her is what I wanted to hear. I pull her into a side hug, rubbing her shoulder. She looks up at me, a bit of sparkle in her eyes, finally happy to speak her mind.
God, I want her. Bad. I’m already sporting a chub, but I planned for it this time, making sure my jeans had a bit more give to them.
I look at the cottage, imagining moving in there with her. Installing a doggie door, having a playset in the back, pushing her on it, and eventually pushing our child.
The realtor was absolutely right that I’m already thinking about the future.
We look at the cottage, which is absolutely perfect, and then at a few more houses she has available. A few are too small for my tastes, a few are a bit too luxurious, and a few are tacky McMansions that I question the durability of. To her credit, the realtor doesn’t try to sway my opinion there.
After I’ve had enough of looking and have a decent idea of what I want, we split off from the realtor and Fig and I head to the diner for a late lunch.
I get a classic bacon double cheeseburger, while Fig opts for a big bowl of minestrone.
“So, what is it that you want, Fig?”
“Hmm? Do you mean which house I’d take? I really liked that first cottage we saw.”
“I didn’t mean that, but that is making me wonder things about you.”
“What do you mean, wonder things about me?”
“Reuben tells me you’re this aspiring fashion designer. That you’re destined to be dressing the runway models of tomorrow. A big deal, who’s going to be a celebrity in your own right.”
“I guess that was the plan, yes. I dreamed of that.”
“And now you’re referring to it in past tense. Implying that’s not what you want at all.”
She looks at me, her smile growing slightly. “No one’s been asking me what I really want, and I guess it caught me off guard.”
“Well, I’m asking you now.”
She looks out the window for a time. I follow her line of sight, and it’s to an old boarded up shop between the town’s one Chinese restaurant and the town’s one electronics store. I think it used to be a shoe store before I left for Spokane.
“I want to take that shop. I want to start my own business. A boutique with custom pieces. I want to design clothes for people personally, to go with their own looks and personality, not just whatever I think will sell when draped on some poor, tortured runway model. That’s always been my inspiration above all else. Clothes and making them something truly special for the person wearing them.”
I stroke my chin. “That’s awfully different from dominating the world as a fashion mogul.”
“Maybe I imagined myself famous once, because what eighteen-year-old girl doesn’t want to be famous? But then I saw what I’d need to do for that fame, and realized that’s definitely not me. It made me reevaluate what I really wanted, and that’s something more personal than you’ll find at any hoity-toity fashion show in Paris.”
“And you want to give up the big city life? To live in a relatively tiny place like Home?”
“I miss this place. It’s my Home, no pun intended. I grew up here, I have so many fond memories. And the ones I have in the city don’t feel anywhere near as special.”
She resonates with me on so many levels. Spokane wasn’t the biggest place in the world, but even that had made me miss the small-town charm that Home has. It’s a passion we both share for this place.
“What about your apprenticeship in Los Angeles? I thought you had one waiting for you.”
“I do have an offer.” She sinks into her seat. “I don’t want to take it. I don’t want to leave Home again. Just being here makes me feel more relaxed, even with all the other anxiety I’m dealing with. I thought it was just homesickness, but no. This place is where I belong.”
“You’re not afraid of regretting turning down the opportunity you have?”
She shakes her head. “I am afraid. I’m terrified of making the wrong choice. Of letting everyone down. But I’m starting to realize that I shouldn’t let fear control my life. That I need to build up the courage to listen to my heart first, and my mind second. And both of them tell me that my happiness isn’t in Los Angeles being an intern for some ancient misogynist asshole.”
I stare at her, in awe. That’s the girl who charmed me all those years ago with her upfront personality and passion. Now she’s a woman with those same qualities, and it makes me wish I wasn’t staying with my mother, because I really want to whisk her off to someplace private right now and explore her body as thoroughly as I’ve explored her thoughts.
