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Chloe nods, mulling this over.
“That could be my problem. I don’t have enough going on. I need grandkids.”
I burst out laughing. “I don’t think that’s your problem.”
“Well then, enlighten me.”
I tip back the rest of my beer, draining it down and wishing I had another to follow it up with.
She shifts on her butt, adjusts her skirt. She’s not trying to tease me. Hell, she probably doesn’t even realize what she’s doing is sexy as hell. To her, it’s just about practicality. She’s wearing a long skirt and doesn’t want it in the water, but now nearly all of her legs are showing, her calves, her knees, that shadowed smooth skin between her thighs…
I keep both of my hands wrapped tightly around my beer bottle, trying to remember why we’ve found ourselves here in the first place.
I guess after this morning, Chloe deserves some answers.
“You might have wondered why it’s just Harper and me. She doesn’t talk about her mom much, at least not to me, but—”
I clear my throat, annoyed to find that I’m having a hard time getting the story out. Chloe’s looking at me, but she doesn’t say a word, doesn’t so much as move as she waits patiently for me to continue.
I narrow my eyes and focus on forcing out one word at a time. “Harper’s mom, Nadine, passed away from acute myeloid leukemia when Harper was almost two. We weren’t together at the time. We never married, actually. Dated for a stint and yeah, we were lucky enough to end up with Harper. Nadine was a good friend though. I miss her like hell, and more than that, I hate that Harper barely remembers her.”
I’m spinning that beer bottle around and around. A nervous tic, I guess.
I heave a heavy sigh, feeling sorry that I’m having to unload all this on Chloe. In fact, I’m about to retreat and save it for another time, or better yet, never. Then Chloe puts her hand on the concrete between us and leans closer to me. It’s nothing really, but I somehow feel reassured enough to keep going.
“Anyway, after Nadine passed, my parents really stepped up and helped with Harper. They would stay in the city when I had to travel during the season, but they’re getting older and my dad had a little health scare last year that forced them back to Texas so he could get treatment.”
Chloe shakes her head. “God, Luke…”
I can’t look at her if I’m going to finish getting this all out.
“He’s doing okay now, but it’s just not possible for them to be with Harper like before, and there’s only so much my sister can do. The nanny thing is hard. Maria is great, but she’s only one woman, and during baseball season, I had to have backup. There were three different nannies helping with Harper at one point. Managing their schedules and trusting them to take good care of my daughter was no easy feat.
“Last season, while I was on the road, one of them flaked and forgot to pick up Harper from school. My sister was out of town, and Maria had a sick granddaughter she needed to stay with. I was across the country and my kid needed me and I couldn’t be there. In the end, it worked out. It was fine. Harper’s teacher stayed with her until I could get ahold of the nanny who was originally supposed to pick her up, but that sort of shit happened all the time. That feeling of failure, it never gets easier. That worry that you’re somehow ruining your kid…” I shake my head, more resolute now than ever. “It’s not worth it. Harper is young for such a short time, and it just finally got to the point where it became impossible for me to maintain both worlds. I couldn’t be a professional baseball player and a single dad without feeling like I was doing Harper a disservice.”
Chloe reaches for her beer and passes it to me, offering me the last half. I take it and drink.
She lets me settle for a second, and then she asks, “Do you miss baseball?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe.”
Just thinking about it makes my chest ache.
“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine being put in that position. I understand where you’re coming from, I do. Harper is too important. I just hate that you had to give up baseball entirely.”
I’m usually so quick to turn away people’s sympathy, but with Chloe, I relish it. The feeling of being able to lean on another person isn’t a privilege I’ve had in recent years. I’m so careful with my parents. I never want to worry them; they have enough on their plate. Tate as well. My sister would drop everything to help with Harper if I asked her to, but I won’t. That’s not her responsibility.
