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“Of course! I did it for my cousin, Tatiana, last Halloween. I practiced for weeks to get it just right, and now it’s like riding a bike. Here, tilt your head like this, and I’ll see if I can do it on the first try.”
When I finished, she looked in the mirror with tear-rimmed eyes. “It’s perfect. It looks just like hers.”
I dropped my hands to her shoulders and kissed her head. “I can braid your hair anytime you’d like. Okay?”
Her fragile brown eyes met mine and she nodded. “Okay.”
Now, I walk along the beach slowly, trying to soak up as much of this summer feeling as I can. I can’t believe we’ll be leaving the Hamptons by the end of the weekend. In some ways, I’ll be returning to the city under extremely different circumstances than how I left it at the start of summer. In other ways, some could argue I’ve put myself in the exact same position: shacking up with a boyfriend, putting too much faith in him, relying on him too much too soon.
What good do warnings do? What difference does it make if Luke started out as my boss or some stranger on the street? The decision to pursue a relationship with him seems so utterly out of my hands. That quickening of my pulse when he walks into a room, my awareness of him when he’s near, the way I absolutely melt when he puts his hand on me, whether it’s on my elbow or under my shirt…there is no fighting this. What’s the point of slowing down when he’s only given me every reason to push the throttle with him? Why harden my heart in an effort to protect it from the possibility of aches and pains in the future? If love breaks, it breaks, but I won’t hold back for fear of that. I won’t shy away from the feeling of falling simply because it doesn’t fit someone else’s standard for what’s appropriate or safe or healthy. I wholeheartedly unsubscribe from the idea that anyone else gets to tell me how to live my life.
So I’ll do this. I’ll give Luke and Harper everything I have because I know they’ll do the same for me. If we’re in this, we’re in it together. I’ll never regret living life with my heart on my sleeve.
My only concern in all of this is Harper. I won’t come into her life to simply slip back out of it again on a whim. My connection with her will have to be its own, protected and conserved outside of my relationship with her father. I already plan to talk to Luke about it tonight. Part of my terms for continuing this with him will be based on the understanding that I’m a lifer. Once I love you, you’re stuck with me. If Luke and I part ways, I won’t walk away from Harper. I’ll stick around, support her however I can, in whichever way she wants. I’ll be her big sister, her cool aunt, her second bonus mom—if that’s what she wants, I’m hers.
“CHLOE! CHLOE!”
I hear my name screamed from down the beach and turn to see Harper booking it toward me, running like she’s trying to break a world record. She stumbles in the sand, rights herself, then keeps going.
I laugh and walk toward her, catching her as she falls into me. Her little body is stronger than it looks, and I teeter on one foot, off balance for a second before we both go crashing down to the sand, a mix of jumbled limbs and laughter.
“YOU’RE GOING TO LIVE WITH US IN THE CITY!” she screams, grabbing me around my neck and hugging me as tight as she can.
I laugh and drop my hands to her shoulders, trying to get her to take it easy. “Yes, that’s the plan, but only if you want me—”
“I want you to! I want you to!”
She’s hugging me again, squashing her face right up against my neck. Her glee is so infectious that I’m crying before I realize. Big fat tears roll down my cheeks as I laugh and try to catch my breath.
I hold her and wrap my arm around her back, keeping her against me, knowing she needs to feel my arms around her tight and steady.
She peels back just enough to look up at me. “The first week of school, there’s a Moms and Daughters Welcome Back Tea. Last year, Tate went with me, but I was thinking you could go with me this year instead. It’s really special. Moms wear fancy dresses, but you don’t even need a fancy dress because you’re so pretty and you could just wear your jean shorts and you’d be the prettiest mom in the room. And also, I was thinking maybe you could help Dad find me a ballet class? I’ve been wanting to ask him about it, but he’s been so busy and I don’t think he really knows about that sort of stuff. Like he tried to sign me up for a TODDLER class the last time we looked into it! I was the only first grader there! And can you be the one who takes me back-to-school shopping? I wear a uniform, but still, everyone has like the coolest shoes and socks and backpacks and I feel like I don’t even know where to look for that stuff!”
