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I should also admit that, yes, while I was willing to father your baby while you were dating another man, every second you were with him killed me.
There was only ever one reason I wanted to have a baby with you. Because I love you. And I know I’d love our baby, too. I’d never regret experiencing that with you, whether we were together or not. While it disappointed me that we didn’t conceive after three tries, I don’t regret a second of that time—getting to know even better the strong woman you’ve become, getting to make love to you, and getting to experience the excitement of knowing we could be creating a life together, even if it hasn’t come to fruition yet.
I am all in if you want me. Not because I’m doing you any favors, but because I can’t live without you and want nothing more than to start a family with you. Even if that family is you, me, and Clancy, with no other children.
This text is already too long. But writing this down was a good way to spend the ride from Maine to New York. Now it’s time for you to open your door and let me show you how much I love you.
My hands shook. I nearly dropped the phone. He’s…here? With my heart racing, I ran to the door.
When I opened it, Archie stood there with tears in his eyes. As long as I’d known him, I’d never seen the man cry. But he was crying for me. Because he loved me.
Leaping into his arms, I wrapped myself around him and didn’t waste a single breath. “I love you.”
He exhaled into my neck. “I love you so much. And I’m so sorry for not saying it sooner.”
“Eh. What’s twelve years?” I joked, allowing my tears to fall.
When I could finally step back from the warmth of his arms, I took his hand and led him inside. “You said you were in Maine. Whaite’s Island?”
He nodded. “I needed to go back there for closure. I hadn’t intended to go see the old house, but I happened to walk by, and the person who was renting it let me inside. I sat in your old bedroom and talked to my dad. I was able to work out some unresolved issues, even if they were just in my head.”
“Wow.”
“I’ve been working on myself quite a bit since you left,” he said. “But there’s one thing I’ve never had to work on because it’s always been clear to me. I’ve always loved you. I’ve just kept you tucked away, so I was never able to hurt you. But in doing so, I was hurting both of us. I understand that now.”
I wiped my eyes. “I’ve thought about you every single day since I came back here. I’ve wanted nothing more than to hear you say that. Even being apart, I’ve fallen more in love with you since leaving California.”
He took my hands in his. “I needed to take the risk that I could hurt you in order to love you. I want to have you in my life. It’s not going to be perfect. There are gonna be times that I might not be there for you because of my daughter. Or there may be times when I screw up, say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing. But I will do everything in my power not to hurt you. I will never take you for granted, and I will always love you.”
Should I be pinching myself? “I’ve felt empty these past couple of months,” I told him. “I left California because I loved you too much to stay if you didn’t love me back. And I never seriously considered going back to Jason. You need to know that. No matter where I was in my life, every year, every holiday, every email… I’ve loved you every second, Archie Remington. So much of my heart stayed in Whaite’s Island. I haven’t been able to let it go. And I don’t ever want to let you go.”
“You’ll never have to, Noelle.” Archie caressed my cheek. “But I do need to ask you a huge favor.”
I tilted my head. “Sure.”
His eyes burned into mine. “I need you to move to California. I can’t be apart from my daughter, and I need to be with you every day. Would you be willing to do that?”
Did he not realize that was a no-brainer? “I haven’t felt normal since coming back here. I used to love New York, but I don’t feel the same here anymore without you. So yes, of course, I’ll come back.”
Archie hugged me again. “Thank you.”
“I’ve figured out some things myself,” I told him.
He moved back to look at me. “What?”
“I think part of why I felt I needed a child so badly was that I wanted someone to love me. And while I still do very much want a child…somehow hearing you say you love me takes the immediate pressure off. Ultimately, what I’ve wanted in my life is a sense of family and a sense of purpose. I don’t think a child is the only way to attain that. Everyone just needs their person, whether that’s a child or otherwise. They need to feel like if they disappear from the Earth tomorrow, it would matter to someone.”
