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I asked that specific question because I wanted it to be easy for her to say she didn’t want me.
“Please come,” she said, surprising me with the invitation.
I nodded and stood up, grabbing her hand with mine. “All right. Let’s do this.”
The technologist ran through a whole list of questions and information for both of us, and I signed paperwork stating that I didn’t have piercings or a pacemaker. They took Monica into another room to change clothes, and I waited outside.
My prayers were wordless and unformed, but no less sincere for their disorganization. A clear scan. Relief of Monica’s anxiety. No swelling. I just… I needed her to be okay.
ChapterEight
MONICA
The technologist gave me the instructions for the exam again, and I did my best to lie as still as possible as the machine came to life around me. Despite the headphones that they provided, I could hear the MRI machine creaking, whirring, and occasionally knocking.
“What kind of music do you like, Monica?” The technologist’s voice came through the headphones clear and almost lyrical. She was friendly and kind, probably used to dealing with patients who were nervous and very ill.
“Umm, I don’t know. Country, I guess?”
“Country it is,” her voice responded. A few moments later, the familiar tones of a Luke Bryan song came through the headphones.
I tried to focus on the music, wishing I’d asked for worship music instead. I knew Jake was at the base of the MRI chamber, and I wiggled my fingers, hoping he’d see them.
When I felt his hand close around mine, I relaxed. How was it that in just a few days he’d gone from someone I barely knew to someone I considered one of my closest friends?
I let our small physical connection ground me during the rest of the exam.
When it was over, the technician moved us to another room after I got dressed.
“We try really hard to make sure results are reviewed quickly, so the radiologist is going to look at these with you. She’ll be in here in about twenty minutes or so. Then she’ll send the results to your neurologist for your next appointment.”
Thankfully, that next appointment was in just a few hours. It was no small miracle how neatly and quickly the appointments had lined up. I knew many people waiting weeks and months for follow-ups, so I was grateful for the small blessing of a short wait.
The radiologist was a short, dark-haired woman. She wasn’t the same radiologist who had seen me while I was in the hospital though.
After confirming my name and date of birth, she greeted me warmly. “Good morning, Monica. I’m Dr. Hildebrand. Sounds like you had quite the bump on the head a few weeks ago. Let’s take a look, shall we?”
She clicked on the computer, and the images popped up on the larger screen on the wall.
“I just wanted to show you the scan from just before you left the hospital side-by-side with the one from today. You can see the swelling is down significantly, which is great news. There is still a bit of swelling in this quadrant here, but the doctor can talk to you more about that.”
She smiled. “But that being said, I don’t see anything that has me concerned. This looks like a remarkable recovery from a pretty severe brain trauma. Do you have any questions for me or anything?”
“Is that it? I mean, I’m fine? I still don’t remember anything,” I tried to explain. The fuzzy memory of Jake came back to mind, making me question my own words.
“Well, you’ll need to talk to your neurologist about your complete recovery. I’m just the one who looks at the pictures and tells you what I see. You’re seeing Dr. Prater this afternoon, right?”
I nodded. I supposed I just needed to have patience.
“Well, I’ll be sending her my full results before then. She might order another scan in another month or so, but depending on the rest of your recovery, she might not. Amnesia is a tricky thing we don’t understand. Sometimes, there is nothing in an MRI that shows us the cause.”
Well, that was disappointing. “Okay, thank you, doctor.”
The radiologist left, and I leaned back in the chair, blinking back tears.
Jake’s hand found mine again. “Hey, what’s wrong? This is good news, right?”
“Is it though? The swelling is going down, but I still can’t remember!” I bit my lip in frustration, the heat rising in my chest and neck.
