AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“In my purse,” I finally answered.
Within a few moments, a small pill and a glass of water were in front of me. I sat up, fighting a slow wave of nausea. I swallowed the pill weakly and then shut my eyes, leaning back on the pillow.
“Let’s pray,” offered Jake to the group, which quickly agreed.
He led a quick, sincere prayer for pain relief and my recovery before squeezing my hand and wrapping it up.
I felt the tears roll down my face. I would have liked to pretend they were from the pain or from the sense of being cared for by these wonderful people. The truth was I was so incredibly sad and a little angry.
Here was this amazing man who was apparently head over heels for me. A man who was willing to pray and hold my hand and take me to doctor’s appointments. One I knew I had cared for, based on the few glimpses of memories I had gotten back.
I had already been angry with God for losing my memories. Now, as I got a taste of just what I had lost, that anger and sorrow was fresh and new. I’d give anything to know I could return those feelings and let myself lean on Jake through this. He certainly didn’t seem the immature jokester I’d written him off as years ago. He seemed strong and kind and sweet, and the feeling of being adored by him was a bit overwhelming in its wonderfulness.
I’d even considered just going along with it and letting myself just pretend the feelings were there. To have him look at me the way he had on our picnic, before I destroyed the tiny glimmer of hope in his eyes. Maybe over time, the memories would come back and I would be able to return the feelings.
But the fear I’d told him about was there too, fighting for space with the desire to be loved by him. Fear that I would make the same mistake I’d made once before, losing a patient because I was worried about Jake. Hope that I might really build a life with him and find a happily ever after, despite the accident’s attempt to steal my memories of us.
Fear and hope.
Two ends of the rope—endlessly tugging—with me in the middle being ripped in two.
Jake was still there, kneeling in front of me on Mandy’s couch, holding my hand gently and a look of concern in his eyes. I knew in my heart that my feelings from thebeforewere real.
I should pull my hand away, turn to the group, and thank them all for their support. Instead, I pulled my hand away and wrapped my arms around Jake’s neck, letting my head fall on his shoulder. The tears came freely now, big heaving sobs as the pain and anger and sorrow and grief poured out of me. Fear and hope.
His arms encircled me, and I heard his soft murmur, “Oh, sweetheart. It’s okay. You’re okay. I’ve got you. I’m here. Let it out.”
I wasn’t sure how long we were there, but a few moments later, I pulled myself together and pulled back. The small group had backed away from the couch, giving us some privacy, I assumed. Their surprise and curiosity were more than evident on their faces as they pretended not to watch.
“I, um, suppose there’s something you all should know.” I looked back at Jake.
There were questions in his eyes. “Are you sure?” he asked.
I glanced at the group, then back to the limited distance between Jake and myself. “I don’t think we can avoid it at this point, actually.”
I took a deep breath to build my courage. “Here’s the deal. It’s a little complicated, and honestly, I’m still wrapping my mind around it. Jake and I were dating before the accident.”
A few gasps came from around the room. “I knew it!” came Carla’s excited reply.
I laughed. “Here’s the tricky part… I don’t remember any of it. And we were keeping it a secret, so obviously none of you or our families knew about it either.”
“Whoa.” Derek’s eloquent response made me smile.
“Jake, is she serious?” Garrett asked.
Jake rose from kneeling and sat on the couch next to me. “There were so many times we thought about telling you all, but we really wanted to make sure it was going to work before we let everyone in. The plan was to reveal it at the auction, then the accident occurred.”
“But… if you don’t remember, then how…?” Carla looked back and forth between us with her mouth gaping.
I smiled softly at my sweet friend. “It’s hard to explain… but I finally accepted that Jake was telling the truth. Plus, I’m starting to get pieces of my memory back. Enough to know that my feelings were real.” I reached over and grabbed Jake’s hand. “He’s been so patient. I’m still not sure how I feel right now. I want to give it another try and see if things can work out. Who knows, maybe in time I’ll remember everything. Even if I don’t, I can see why I fell for him. If he’s willing to take it slow, I don’t want to shut the door on something that was real to me. Even if, right now, it feels a bit like it happened to someone else.”
“Whoa,” Derek said again, bringing a round of laughter to the room.
“So, what now?” Carla asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t really know. I guess, we get to know each other. Or, at least I do.”
“And we keep praying for your recovery and your memories,” Jake added firmly.
