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I stepped to the side and leaned against the wall, pressing my eyes shut. I took a deep breath and tried to recenter myself. The little girl in the room behind me had been scared but trusting as I inserted her IV. Her broken arm would need surgery, but it wouldn’t be until the morning. Thankfully, through all the questions I asked and the look of the x-ray, it seemed as though her broken arm was truly the result of an accident, not the much darker abuse we saw far too often in our little emergency room.
“You okay, Monica?”
I opened my eyes to find Julie watching me from the nurse’s station with a concerned look on her face.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Are you sure you’re ready to be back?”
I shook my head. “I’m ready. I’m fine, seriously. I was going totally crazy doing nothing. It’s better that I’m back here.”
As much as I hated to think about it, it seemed like my life had suddenly fractured, split into two unconnected segments. Before the accident versus after the accident. Coming back to work was a major step in rejoining those two parts of my life.
“Well, I’m glad you’re here. Just take it easy, okay?”
At that moment, an inbound came into the nurse’s desk, letting us know we had an ambulance on the way. I raised an eyebrow. There was nothing easy about this job. Even on restricted duty, I was doing way more than I had been the last eight weeks sitting at home.
“Thanks, Julie. But I’m good.”
Maybe if I said it enough, I would believe it.
“Greencastle Regional, this is MRFD Ambulance #105, headed your way. MP is a fifty-six male coming from home with concerns for burns in 18% of his body around the lower legs, approximately 1830 tonight. Patient is alert with complaints of pain at the burn.” The inbound continued with the vital signs of the patient.
“Grab a burn cart and prep room 6.”
The order came from Julie, her tone completely different than it had been a few moments ago. The time for casual, concerned conversations was over, and it was time to get back to work. The emergency department was unpredictable and chaotic–that part I remembered. Initially, I had been terrified that along with my memory lapse, I would forget my training and not be able to return as a nurse. But when I conveyed that fear to Mom, she pointed out that I’d had conversations with the nurses responsible for my own care that someone who wasn’t in medicine wouldn’t have been able to understand.
I might not have remembered what I gave my mother for Christmas, but at least I remembered how to recognize meningitis and how to insert an IV into the little veins of a child.
I grabbed the burn cart and headed to Room 6, mentally preparing for a burn victim. We had the limited detail from the EMS inbound, but burns were extremely painful, and it took some clinical detachment to care for them.
I went to the receiving door to wait for the ambulance along with Julie and Dr. Greely. The driver pulled the ambulance through so the backend was close to the door we’d opened. I could see Jake was the EMT, still in his protective fire gear. It felt weird to ignore the man I loved, but I zeroed in on the patient, listening to Jake’s rundown of the situation as we all worked to slide the gurney out of the truck.
“Patient is Tommy Pritchett, fifty-six-year-old male, found just outside his burning garage when we arrived at the scene. Vitals are unchanged.” Jake rattled them off and I made mental note of what was needed next.
The patient yelled, and I winced. He was obviously in a lot of pain.
Jake followed us through the hospital doors, continuing to recite the details of care he’d given during the twenty-minute ambulance ride from Minden to Greencastle, where the hospital was located.
As Jake was still talking, Dr. Greely started issuing commands. I grabbed the fluids we had prepped and hooked them up. Then, I grabbed painkillers and antibiotics, anticipating the next commands from years of working alongside the emergency department doctor.
“Thanks, Jake. We’ve got him. Everyone else okay?”
I met his eyes briefly as I pulled bandages from the burn cart. He knew what I was asking. This wasn’t the first time Jake or Bryce had been in my emergency department. I was always just grateful when they weren’t coming as patients. I needed to hear him confirm that Bryce was okay.
He nodded from the hallway at the edge of the curtain. “As far as I know.”
“Be safe,” I said, turning away from him and back to Tommy.
“Love you,” he said before turning away.
I would have replied, but I knew I had to focus on my job. As much as I loved him, Jake was a distraction. I’d made the mistake of losing focus because of Jake at work before and it had almost cost my patient their life. I wouldn’t allow myself to do that again. Ever.
I glanced back toward the hallway, but he was gone. He would understand. This was a big day for me–my first day back at work. If anyone supported me being here, it was Jake.
Julie came through the curtain. “Monica, back to the desk, please. You’re supposed to be on light duty. And we all know burns are not that.”
I frowned. “I’m fine,” I protested.
