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“Eve, you’re scaring the shit outta me, just spill it, because I’m not going to promise shit right now. You need to talk to me.”

She slumped her shoulders down as she turned her gaze away from me. I stared at her, impatiently awaiting her response. I opened my mouth, but Eve quickly shouted, blurting out the words that rocked me to my core. “Robbie and I slept together.”

A nauseous wave collapsed into my stomach. I felt as if I walked through a bomb, a blasting force that slowed my world and rang in my ears. I blinked away instantaneous tears that combusted out of me as if they were standing by. They began to spill out uncontrollably as I swallowed away the thick knot of hurt in my throat.

“What the fuck are you talking about Eve?” The words were stuck, but I mustered them up.

“Julia it was forever ago, that summer I visited you at NYU. Sweetie, I was drunk, I was fucked up. I…”

Her words slowly drowned out into an undecipherable tone. My once clenched fists open in defeat. It all clicked, snapping like a puzzle piece, falling into place. My last trip back home. How could I be so stupid? The same fucking year when I flew back to her, when she needed me the most. What she went through… but was it? Was it because of Robbie?

“Julia, I’m so sorry.” She yanked my arm. I blinked a few times emerging from the haze she threw me in. She was in tears, sobbing. “It meant nothing at all, he means nothing. He’s just a piece of shit dirtbag. Please don’t be mad. You’re my sister.”

“If this is how you treat a sister, then you’re fucking crazy. Sisters don’t pull this type of shit, Eve. I was there for you that damn entire time.” My body shook along with my uncontrollable tears as I thought of the reason why I came down to see her that fall.

“Robbie and I didn’t mean too…”

I cut her off. “How do you not mean to have sex with my boyfriend? You’re a disgusting disappointment. Your sobbing phone calls, I flew all the way down here to hold your shaking hands at the hospital. To comfort you…” I flailed my arms quickly in the air, my speech picked up a rapid pace as I began to alleviate my lungs of the air inside them. “I told you it was ok to get that abortion. How dare you sit there…” A sob escaped me as I paused. The hurt was beyond any pain I’d ever endured. “…That whole time you chose not to tell me it was Robbie’s.” I pulled away from her as I said his name out loud, disgusted at what she’d done. Her and Robbie betrayed me. A sudden pain in my back formed, feeling the effects of a stab wound. Robbie had already betrayed me emotionally, now physically… but Eve, I never expected her to backstab me like this.

All of a sudden, the world around me shattered into meaningless questions I could never understand, like why or what possessed them to keep this from me. I glanced upward and my blurred eyes locked with the cashier. She looked horrified, standing there with a stack of trembling shoe boxes. Her mouth gaped open.

A raging headache broke through. Was that why Eve and Robbie had always hated one another? How could I be so damn blind?

Eve desperately tugged on my sweater, as I attempted to walk away, yet my stare was fixated on the imperfections of the concrete floor beneath me. “Please, don’t go. Let’s talk this out. I didn’t know how to tell you. I was a coward. I never wanted to lose you.” Her bottom lip trembled; her eyes were practically bulging out of their sockets as tears filled her lids.

I took in a deep breath, my tears stopped, and I calmly spoke when I turned around to face her. “I have no words for you, Evelyn.” I muttered underneath my breath. My tears didn’t allow an audible tone any longer. “You broke my fucking heart.” My voice cracked. “And there’s no going back from this.” My fists clenched at my sides as I stared at her with a heap of anger. I felt crushed, my heart ached at her confession. The only person I could trust aside from my father, and I couldn’t even bring myself to look at her crocodile tears.

“I can’t go on without you in my life,” she pleaded on her knees. A sight I’d never seen before, yet a small gesture that wouldn’t help her in the least at this point.

But anger boiled inside me, my jaw clenched so tight my teeth ached. “You’re a fucking whore who could give two shits about anyone but herself. I’ve never judged your lifestyle. Not once, Eve. Now? You’ve proved it just now to me, you’re a tramp who will fuck anything that gives you attention, because your damn parents never gave you any. It was always my dad and I who were there for you.” My voice grew louder in anger. “We took you in like you were ours.” My vision blurred as people walked by and stared shamelessly like rubberneckers, but they were only blobs in my vision.

I ran. That was all I could do as my body automatically initiated its flight sequence. Eve’s screams grew distant.

I ran so hard my helpless lungs began to burn. After a few blocks and a numb face, I wasn’t sure where to go, my mind was hazy, clouded, powerless even. My mind was nothing. The bile in my throat was pushing through, my cheeks inflamed, and I hurled over a nearby trashcan, emptying the last bit of toxicity held over Eve’s confession.

She came to New York the summer we were nineteen, and a couple months later she called me. She was an erratic mess over the phone, crying about how some random guy she slept with got her pregnant. I chalked it up to her typical reckless activities, but never ever, ever expected it would be Robbie’s. I’d been played as the fool, but no longer would anyone play me like that.

The only person I wanted to see now was Nathan. Right away, I dialed him, and without a ring, I instantly heard his soft voice. Clear as a bell, warm and soft. I didn’t know what to say, and for a moment, I said nothing. I could only open my mouth and whimper, “I need to see you.”

11

Nathan

Julia’s voice had me worried. A stark contrast from last night’s sexting. Before answering the phone, I took a deep breath, preparing a smolder as if she could see me. Willie would have cringed. Not my proudest moment, but luckily short-lived as I heard her somber voice. I knew something was wrong. No, worse. Something was seriously fucked up. This was her hometown, and here she was calling me, the almost-stranger. I was more concerned than flattered, but I didn’t have time to think. It was just like me at work, responding to the piercing alarms and bells—the emergency, no thoughts, only action. I grabbed my keys and jacket before she could finish her sentence.

Her voice on the phone broke my heart, but the sight of her made it race. She stood alone on the corner of a cobblestoned path, framed by falling auburn leaves that fell from trees above. Her arms were crossed for warmth as she smiled. My bike rumbled loudly; its speed and sound an admission of my unconcealed eagerness. No shame. It felt like I hadn’t seen her in forever. I hated how time does that; how it slowly stretched in the moments of longing thoughts. Though, the torture of stagnant seconds came to pass, relieved by the sight of her as I pulled up. When I removed my helmet, she pursed her lips, concealing a grin that teased her cold rosy cheeks. For a moment, we stood in silence, just staring, admiring. Her eyes were puffy and red, glistening like soft green jewels. I knew she had been crying, and it killed me. All I wanted to do was to reach out. To hold her. To be stuck with her in this moment forever. Instead, we laughed, zapped by the surreal force of our attraction, forfeiting the staring contest that no one wanted to lose.

“You ready?” I asked, handing her my spare helmet, which was totally embarrassing. It was old and peeling. One I never threw away, back from when flames were cool. Not so much anymore. I was certain she would have rather risked potential death versus wearing it, but she surprised me.

“Abso-fuckin-lutely,” she hollered, snatching the helmet from my hand. I sat on my bike as Julia settled in close behind me.

“Have you ever ridden a motorcycle before?”

“Does watching it in romantic movies count?” I could hear the hesitation in her voice, a cracking excitement that covered the nerves within. I could feel that energy, and I loved it. I laughed out loud in a sarcastic tone because she was so goddamn cute.

“Not for how I drive it doesn’t.”

“Then no, I have never.” She whispered as I glanced back at her.

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