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We pulled over, arriving in the spot of my potential new apartment. My realtor waited, shivering as she leaned against the small stoop. It seemed perfect, well almost. It missed one thing, or should I say, one person. Nathan.

The driver cleared his throat as he stopped. “Oh shit, sorry!” I reached for my wallet, unclasping its clip as something fell out. It caught me by surprise, almost as if it fell from heaven. The polaroid Nathan and I took at his house.

I laid on Nathan’s chest, my face partially blocked by Winston and his tongue. We were all smiling, and I could almost hear our laughter. It felt like so long ago, so far away. Like a dream I wished to visit. My people. My… love.

“Ma’am, are you staying or going?” The driver’s gruff tone and harsh accent startled me.

“Run the meter, please.” I dismissed him as politely as I could. Between a groan and the click of the meter I fell back into the perfect memory we made. This single moment, though brief, made me happier than any time I spent in New York with Robbie.

My heart was split, between love and dreams. Maybe I had come here for reasons not known until now. Not to start over, but to say goodbye. Maybe to who I was or who I could be.

24

Nathan

Iaccidentally murdered the blue ram; the one Jane kept on her desk for my amusement. I fished it out of my pocket, finally home after our session. I was so ashamed of its smushed head that I smuggled it into my pocket. Its now-crooked smile looked back at me with a hysteric disappointment. Sorry little buddy.

We talked about Julia and our lack of contact since she left. It brought out all the anxious nerves inside me. Not that I expected anything, especially with the peace we made at the hospital, but still. A call, text, email, carrier pigeon? Hell, I would settle for a smoke signal at this point. It all just felt… a little quieter. A little lonlier.

Winston sat beside me on the couch, eyeing the shame toy that I pulled out of my pocket and handed to Winston. I scratched the back of his ears, “You miss Julia too? Don’t you?” He let out a huff and rested his chin on my lap, sinking his heavy jaw into his new toy. His puppy dog eyes looked sad, “Me too, buddy.”

I might have been a crazy dog person, but I felt like Winston truly understood me. We were just a couple of lonely guys sitting in front of a turned off TV.

Willie and Eve were always over, checking on me like Meals on Wheels. I loved them but read the room. Seeing two love-sick puppies was not my idea of a good time.

I heard a loud knock at the door. Just like clockwork. Winston was already up and waiting with the ram in his mouth. I looked through the peephole, watching as Willie held up a bag of burgers. No Eve though. Guys’ night maybe? Burgers and basketball? I’d take what I could get.

I opened the door. Willie held the bag up to his head, advertising the red balloon letters of the Barn Burger logo. I could kiss him.

“Double cheese with bacon?” I asked. I didn’t even say hello.

“Extra sauce.” He replied. I hurried him in the house, as if he was my dealer bringing in drugs. He emptied the bag out onto the coffee table, scattering fries everywhere.

“Man, it’s been forever, just you and I.” It was the perfect distraction, a mundane moment reminding me I was not alone. I sat back in the couch, scraping the cheese off the folded foil wrapper.

“Its UNC versus Duke tonight, I knew you wouldn’t forget!” I turned on the TV as Winston wore the bag on his head, sniffing loudly as he walked around the room.

Willie didn’t sit down right away, instead he paced. The game was starting, and I had already taken three big bites of food.

“Sit down, weirdo!” I said with full cheeks. “Do you need to pee?”

“No.” He replied, sitting down, pulling his burger to the edge of the table.

“So what’s new man?” His nervous energy was creeping me out. Winston was unfazed, licking his lips like a man lost at sea.

“I’ve just been driving. Like a lot.” He replied. It was weird. The whole room was weird, and I just wanted to watch the game.

“Oh ya? What… do you mean?” I asked, unsure of his answer.

“I’ve been driving around, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been thinking nonstop about this… and I knew you could help.”

“Ok,” I muted the TV. “Will you spit it out? You’re like a walking cliff hanger! There’s too much weird energy, thanks to you and Mr. Hungry eyes.” I pointed at Winston. He barked.

“I’m sorry!” It just feels crazy to say this but…” he paused and winced.

Duke was up by twelve points, and I wanted to scream but didn’t. “Willie!” I shouted.

“I’m going to ask Eve to marry me!” He let out a delighted breath. Winston walked out of the room.

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