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“Good? Bad? None of it matters. It’s my fault that my mother died in a crash, and it’s my fault that Natalie died at my penthouse. I just keep thinking, if I never met her or tried to help, she’d still be alive, and I swear, I spent my whole life trying to make things better, trying to save others. But not once did I ever think I could save myself… not until I met you.”
I was unprepared for the desperation in his grip as he held my hand. How could he see that in me? Despite it being the kindest thing I’d ever heard, I somehow couldn’t accept it. Just like he said, good, bad, it didn’t matter what you were told because sometimes, all that mattered was how you felt.
“I’m damaged… I have secrets, too, Alejandro.” I argued against myself, but he wouldn’t allow it.
“You only think that because you’ve been taught to think that. Just like I’ve been taught to believe everything is my fault. But I had to show you what I saw, because what I saw was hope, and if I saw that in you, Gemma, I prayed that you could see that in me too, because you are perfect, damaged or not… I want us,” he pleaded an honest truth that had always frightened me.
But he was right.
We were the same.
But even I knew that a complicated path caused a complicated future, and that was something we were destined for.
My eyes welled with tears.
“When you live with fear for as long as I have, it becomes comfortable. What’s the point of being vulnerable with another person, when you already know how much it can hurt? If I ever let that guard down, if I ever letushappen, who’s to say it wouldn’t just destroy me?”
“Maybe it’s just something we have to face, and I wouldn’t want to face it with anyone but you. When Miguel came on T.V., I was forced to protect us. I know how I did it was wrong, but I’m trying the best that I can, and I’ll do anything to prove to you how honest I can be… how desperate I am to keep you as mine, because we have something worth growing here.” Alejandro reached up, taking my hand in his, placing it over his heart. “You asked me about my tattoos. The one on my chest, the wings, and the initials… there’s more to it than I told you.”
“The As?” I asked.
“Yes. The first ‘A’ is for Alma, that’s still true.”
“And the second?” I asked, holding in a sense of suspense that nearly closed my throat.
“The second ‘A’ is for someone else… something I have never told anyone ever, because the truth of it changes the very existence of my life, and of those around it. I want to tell you tonight, to give you my whole truth.”
I quickly looked away.
What did he have to say, and how would it change us? The pressure he produced was so laced in anticipation, that even waiting felt like some form of torture, making the back of my neck swelter with a line of sweat.
“The entire truth?” I asked.
“Yes. All of it. Come to dinner, then at home we’ll talk. I swear.” He stood up, asking for permission to take this chance with him again.
I wasn’t sure where he would take me, or what he was going to say, but he was the bravest I’d ever seen him, and the promise of even sharing another second of that felt as hopeful as it did daunting, because for once, I felt like I could be fully honest as well.
“Do you really swear?”
“I do.”
“Then… so do I,” I said, accepting his offer.
He nodded, but he wasn’t prepared for what I had to say, just like I wasn’t prepared for him.
Alejandro was going to tell me his truth, and I would tell him mine, not just about my childhood, but about Parker, about the single kiss that scared me to even think about.
Because honestly, it changed everything, especially for what I had to admit—that my feelings for him now, were just as real as they were for Parker.
Chapter40
Gemma
“Iknow tonight was a lot, but that’s not a reason to keep us from appreciating all that’s to come.” Alejandro gestured to our table, reserved in a private section surrounded by windows. Our table wasn’t as dark as the others, adjacent to large, digital billboards outside. Being in a high-class New York restaurant usually involved some privacy, but people seemed to stare. They knew who we were—or at least—who Alejandro was.
“Appreciate? I’m not sure if we should even be out right now,” I said, taking my seat across from him.
It was hard to think of anything worth celebrating, my brain still foggy from the theatre. A party of five businessmen looked in our direction, their faces illuminated by candles like miners in a cave. They stared as if they knew all of Alejandro’s secrets, mine included.
