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“Thank you,” I palmed it in my hand, walking her to the door. “For the tea, as well. It was very thoughtful.”
“Thoughtful? That’d be doing the right thing, even when it feels wrong to do.” She winked, “Good luck at your meeting tonight.”
She walked away, not once looking back. She was wrong though; I knew there was another way for Alejandro and me. We didn’t need to conform to this life—of fame, of gossip. What we needed was to be ourselves, or more so, who I hoped we were. I knew tonight was part of that, and maybe that’s why I felt so nervous. Whatever answers Parker wanted, I hoped he’d get, because I was moving on, with or without his approval.
Chapter6
Gemma
“He’s late.” Parker checked his watch, scowling, saying his first true words since sitting down by the fireplace. He took a slow sip of his scotch, not breaking his gaze from the front door where Alejandro would hopefully appear.
I tugged on my dress, its fabric taut above my knees, feeling slightly self-conscious, not unnerved by Parker’s focus, but provoked by its unanticipated directness. He watched me for a moment, holding the longest stare we shared in weeks.
“He’s not late,” I corrected. “We’re early and that’s fine. He’ll be here soon.” I hoped, anyways, considering Alejandro had a serious reputation for being late. The two hadn’t even met yet, and according to Parker’s associates, Alejandro’s tolerance for stress was minimum.
“I’d be surprised,” Parker graveled, sitting confidently still, his shoulders back in a charcoal-grey suit.
“Don’t act like you’re above him. It’s not a very good look,” I scolded, watching as Camilla stood over by the bar awaiting her drink while Parker and I finally sat alone.
“Are you really that impressed by him?”
“Is that why we’re here? A pissing contest? It’s not about being impressed. It’s about giving you what you want so you can leave me alone.”
“Haven’t I done that enough lately? What next? Just shut me out, like always?”
“I don’t shut you out, Parker. I’m entitled to my privacy.”
“Guess Alex is too... it seems like he knows you better than me these days.”
“I hate that you just said that.”
“Good, because I hate how it feels…” he mumbled, swirling the glass in his hand before taking another long sip.
I looked away, uncertain of what to do next. Parker was never an angry man, never with me at least; not even as children, like when I squirted mustard on his signed Derek Jeter jersey at a ball game. Anything I’d ever done to him personally never transpired into something as awkward as this. But then again, this wasn’t about him, this was about me.
“I don’t want to argue with you.” I settled.
“I’m not trying to be an ass... it just feels like after everything we’ve been through, you’ve picked a side… and if you think I enjoy doing this, then you’re wrong.”
“Well, you’re the one who wanted this. I don’t know how else to explain it. It’s like you want to control what happens to me, but this isn’t you, Park.”
This seemed to strike a chord, the crease of his brow deepening amongst the thunder outside. It all felt so daunting.
“I’m not controlling you. You’re my best friend,” he uttered.
“Best friend? Sister? Think of me however you want, just don’t pretend that ever entitles you to anything.”
Parker looked down at his drink, his thumb tracing its rim as his cheeks hollowed in silence. Why did every word feel like a misstep, like every exchange was a loose stone to an already brittle bridge? The concept of us ever being angry with each other was so foreign, making these past weeks impossible to navigate, considering we’d only ever been comfortable with each other.
“If it makes you feel better, I didn’t ask Lina to be my lawyer,” I said as Parker looked up, mildly relieved. “Not that I owe you that courtesy, but it feels like the right thing to say. You know, if I ever needed help, I’d only come to you, not her.” I sighed, squinting towards the bar, “I’m trying to be considerate, and I wish you’d do the same… I just don’t understand why you’d bring Camilla with you tonight.”
“She’s more of a convenience than I’m willing to admit.” Parker’s momentary relaxation quickly faded as he suddenly huffed. “And thank you for telling me about Lina, but that doesn’t change how I feel. I won’t apologize for trying to do what’s right.”
“What’s right?” I laughed. “I admit I’d come to you if I ever needed help, and that’s what you have to say? I don’t even care about that anymore… what I really want, what I reallyneedis my Parker back…” I folded my hands above my lap, un-soothed by the silk dress I originally reserved for something special, an impossible fantasy that Parker and I would ever go on a date someday. “I don’t even know if that’s possible anymore. I just want the real you, but maybe you don’t want the real me.”
“I know the real you, and this isn’t her.”
“I’m still the same person, Parker… the girl who hates oysters, who hums ‘Monster Mash’, who sleeps with the same stuffed giraffe you gave her forever ago. I’ve always been me. It’s you who’s different. You wanted to change, you wanted to try new things. So if this isn’t the real me, then who am I?” I argued. “You don’t care about me, or how this whole spectacle makes me feel.”
