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“Then… I’ll be fast.”
“What you’ll be is safe, and I’ll ensure that, even if I have to go in there myself.” Alejandro removed his hand from the doorknob, willing it to stay shut with a pensive stare. Reluctantly, he brought his attention back to me as I opened it up. “If I feel like anything is wrong, I’ll do what I need to.” He said, stepping back into the hall, making space for me to enter. I nodded one last time, hoping it wouldn’t have to go any further than this, quietly shutting the door behind me.
I wasn’t sure what to expect exactly but was surprised to see that the lights were still on.
I secretly hoped I’d see his bedroom door shut, knowing it’d be way easier to pack my clothes without facing him right now. The truth was, I wasn’t afraid of seeing Parker, but rather what seeing him would do to me.
What if I stared too long into those deep, emerald eyes? Would I be stuck somewhere between the past and present, lost on some old fantasy that felt more like a possibility now, that somehow, no matter what, we were supposed to grow old together? Because, the truth was Parker is, and forever will be, a mountain in my life; one I never came down from, one I built a home on. Honestly, leaving him didn’t just feel strange, it felt impossible. He was in many ways my other half.
I thought all of this to myself, as the distinct screech of an electric drill startled me, its whine came unexpectedly as I turned the corner. I looked down the hall, and watched as Parker stood by my room.
I froze.
“Parker…” His name fell out of my mouth.
We’d only spent a night apart, but it already felt so long since I’d last seen him. His solemn expression flashed for a second, caught like a gorgeous ghost in the halls of my heart, tall and calm, forever mindful of the tender look he always gave.
“Gem?” The grin on his face grew into an unconcealed smile, as if he couldn’t believe I was right in front of him. “You’re here…”
Seeing him was so bizarre, as if all the worry I had, all the fear that festered in my gut, dissolved itself like sugar cubes in tea. Guilt slammed into my heart as a single tear rolled down my cheek.
“I’m so sorry…” I hitched, using three words for the all-consuming emotion I felt but couldn’t say.
I’m sorry if I hurt you, I’m sorry if you worried, I’m sorry I was silent for so long and especially now… I’m sorry for what I’m about to do.
“Gem… no, don’t be sorry. Don’t waste your tears… not over my foolish behavior.” He made his way toward me, wiping my eyes before pulling me in, warming me with the single touch of his hand on my back. My dress felt too formal compared to his cozy look; his soft, red shirt, almost salmon colored from years of use, wrapping loosely around his tanned biceps. “I missed you, Butterfly.”
“I missed you, too.” I hugged him.
He opened his mouth to speak, but instead followed my eyes that stared past him.
“Actually, you’re back in time. I just finished putting it together.” Parker moved to the side, presenting a new white door attached to the frame of my bedroom. He walked across a scattering of tools. “I may be better at tearing them down, than putting them back up though.”
I followed close, covering my mouth with surprise as he grabbed the knob, twisting it, testing its ability to actually close.
“Not bad… for a city boy,” I teased, bumping my arm against his.
“Yeah, not bad at all… took a while, but I wanted to make sure you slept well tonight. I know how much you hate sleeping with the door open.”
I never felt worse, faking a smile to hide the sudden wave of insurmountable remorse that stole the tenderness of our moment. He was clueless as to why I was here, and the thought of admitting the reason made my mouth so incredibly dry.
“You look beautiful. Were you… out tonight?” he asked, not in a prying way, but with a genuine curiosity.
“Yes,” I stepped into my room. “Alejandro and I attended an event in Soho, well… actually… we’re going to spend some more time together. He’s invited me to stay with him. I’m not sure for how long…” I blurted out, immediately grabbing an empty bag and hugging it against my chest. The room fell incredibly silent, as if that didn’t say it all. I wascrushed.
He remained speechless.
Did my admission break him? Was this the final straw to our long-winded battle? After everything we spouted at each other, the disagreements we had over Alejandro, over Camilla, was it possible that neither of us could accept the other person’s happiness? Or, was it more? Maybe there was something keeping us apart, and that realization was as painful as spending the night away.
His eyes cemented themselves to the floor. “Gemma, who I was, and who I thought I had to be… was unfair to you. You don’t need to be afraid of what I think of you. It’s me who’s afraid of what you think of me,” he paused, “especially now. Part of me feels like… like I lost you…”
I winced, noting the subtle twitch at his cheek.
It absolutely killed me.
I’d gotten so used to wearing my own mask, that perhaps I failed to see he’d been wearing one too. I never once considered his own pain, or if there was any at all. He seemed so perfect from the outside, the unprovoked, regal lawyer of Manhattan. Yet, this was new; a vulnerable version of the invincible man who carried me and my sorrows for our entire lives. I placed my bag on the bed, freeing my hands as I drew near to him.
“You could never lose me,” I pulled on his strong body, digging my head into his chest. “You’re stuck with me forever, Parker Ellis Jones.”
