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“All you, baby. I’ll smoke it when I need it the most, and I’ll think of you. Only you. And how amazing you make me feel.” I slightly penetrated the tip inside her just enough to appreciate her taste for later. It made me grit my teeth.
“I’m still so wet.” She swallowed, shivering as I pulled it out and placed it behind my ear. Her hazy eyes begged to be fucked again, but also competed with their need for sleep. I had exhausted her, and as selfish as I wanted to be, nothing brought me more pleasure than seeing her taken care of.
“You’ll need your energy.” I rubbed her chin. “If you think tonight was good, then wait till tomorrow, and the day after that.”
“And after that?” she asked, watching as I carefully pulled the old sheets off, lying fresh ones down.
“And after that. I have big plans for us.”
Gemma grew quiet again, watching as I tucked everything in, making sure it was clean and dry.
“Alejandro?” she asked as I finished smoothing out the sheets, making my way back to her.
“Gemma?”
“What doesusfeel like to you? I didn't mean to shy away from your feelings earlier. I guess, I’m still just surprised to hear them. It feels nice, and I wouldn’t ever want them to go away, but then again, some things can feel both nice and scary all at once.”
“Scary?” I asked, drawing the fuzzy blanket closer around her arms.
“Yeah. Scary as in, getting my hopes up. Tonight was so great, and honestly I haven’t felt this way, ever. Well, I’ve never beenthisintimate with anyone. Have you?” She looked away, shaking her head. “Never mind. Don’t answer that.”
“What if I want to?” I corrected the direction of her worried eyes.
“It’s just… I feel like I’m slowly discovering who I am. Maybe I’m a little bit of the person from my past, but also, maybe I’m someone different. Someone I only am when I’m with you.” She grazed her fingers along the angel wings on my chest. I knew she wanted to know more about the A.A. initials that they held. “I’m sure it’s already happened to you. You’re older and more experienced than I am, and maybe I’m just trying to catch up.”
“My experiences are different than yours, but trust me, there’s never been anyone like you.” I looked down at her hand, her finger circling the feather-like strokes of my tattoo. We stood in the dark, just like at The Met, the moment she opened herself to me and shared unreciprocated pieces of truth. I owed some in return, even at the cost of my discomfort. “The A.A. is something I look at before bed, and immediately when I wake up. It’s a reminder of the sacrifices that were made to get me where I am today.”
“Was it a lover?” she asked again.
I shook my head. “A love but not like that. One that was lost too soon.” I lifted Gemma into my arms, her body still wrapped in the blanket as I carried her to bed. “It’s just not easy to talk about, but how can I criticize your shyness when I’m being so timid?”
“That’s honest of you.” She turned to face me as we laid in the cool fresh sheets.
“I’m usually better at looking at others than within.”
“Within is where the good stuff is.”
“But also the bad.” I admitted, combing her hair. I just wanted to make her feel comfortable, and it was the little things she did for me that told me she felt the same. It was her attention, undivided and committed, prevalent even after waiting all night for me to get out of jail; her willingness to be accepting, to see me at a party and still stand by my side. She was all the good things I never deserved, loyalty included, sticking up for me even with the disapproval of her best friend. I knew I could feel safe with her, but my own insecurities always had a way of creeping in. Mostly, I feared what she feared, that it would all go away with the slip of a tongue. “Always. Alma.” I exhaled slowly.
“Always, Alma?” Gemma repeated quietly.
“It’s my mother’s name. The tattoo is for her, and it’s a reminder for me to do better, to be better. I always thought the reason I did things was to honor her, to make her proud, and serve her memory. Always for her. Always for Alma.”
Gemma snuggled against me, as I pulled her in closer. Our bodies seemed to fit so perfectly, so equally close and impenetrable. It was all I could say, a little at the time, a fraction of the broken story of my life.
“I love that,” Gemma finally spoke. “And I love that you shared that with me. You can share anything with me, Alejandro. Please know that. I know we try our best to be open with one another, and I know in time we will. I swear I can be patient, like you have been with me.”
I was certain she wanted to know more about how I lost my mother. I could share it all, but all I cared to share was how she made me feel, and wasn’t that what really mattered? I cared, and I wasn’t afraid to tell her that, I was only afraid to lose her.
“Someday…” I squeezed her tighter, kissing her forehead.
“You’re allowed to keep secrets. Just know this, I’ll never stop looking at you the way I do.” Gemma echoed my own words to me, I couldn’t help but chuckle, curious as to her answer.
“And what would that be, Miss Harrison?”
“That you deserve to feel the way you make me feel. That I am worthy of something more,” she cooed. “I’m not scared of you, Alejandro. Not anymore.”
Her eyes began to close as she nuzzled my chest.
