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“There’s nothing to say,” he shouted. “That man is lying.” He fired through the room, pulling a shirt over his body.
“Then so are you!” I retorted. “Alejandro, you are running away, you are hiding. Goddamn it, just talk to me!”
“This isn’t about you, Gemma… this was supposed to be on my time, not his, and now it’s fucked. There’s so much more to what he’s saying, and I have to stop him before he ruins anything else. I told you before, I’d protectusfrom anything and everything, this included.” I finally caught his arm, using every bit of my strength to pull him back, but he couldn’t even look at me, not like he had just moments ago.
“Whatever it is you fear, it’ll never be bigger than the support I’ll give. Remember that?” I shouted. “You told me that when I was terrified to go back to Bushwick, and it made all the difference. Now the same is true for you. Stop pretending to be so helplessly alone, it’snottrue.” Damn it, I couldn’t just let him leave, not like this, not without a fight.
“No, this is different. This is bigger and more compromising to us and our future.” He stood motionless, the chaotic volume in the background still playing during our one chance to make things clear.
Alejandro turned away but I hugged him from behind, feeling the shaky deep breath he took that shook his body. My fingers splayed at his chest, pulling his large frame into my tiny one.
“I won’t say it. Not at the cost of what it all leads to. Trust me, what I’m about to do is for your protection. There are things that you could be liable for, something darker, something I hate to remember. Don’t ask me to do this now, because if I did, then I’m afraid you’ll never look at me the same way again,” he said below a whisper.
“Don’t say this is for me. I’m tired of being protected, I’m tired of everyone believing they know what’s best for me. I won’t accept that. Not from you, and especially not right now!” It was all happening so impossibly fast, swallowing the efforts we made to get to where we were. I hugged tighter, but he loosened my grip to pull away. It hurt so much. “So everything that was said about you was true?”
“No.”
“No? No is not good enough. No is just something you tell yourself, because it’s easier than explaining the truth.”
“And you think you could handle the responsibility of my truth? Gemma, if I don’t fix this now, I may never be able to come back. I need to go,” he said, talking to me as if I were naive.
“You’re a child,” I said with a croak. “When I wanted to leave, you said the same thing… and that’s what you are. A hypocrite.”
“I’m not a child. I’m just saving one from the reality of who I am and who I’ve become. Tell me that doesn’t scare you,” he demanded, beating his chest with the ball of his fist.
“I’m not scared of you, Alejandro, and I’m not sure if I ever really was. I was scared of who I could be, but I think the same is true for you.”
“You have no idea,” he growled, stepping closer to my body, allowing himself for a brief moment to be open.
“I don’t need to know everything about what’s happening in order to know how I feel, which right now is a hell of a lot braver than you’re acting. You thought I was scared of you all along, but now I think it was you who was scared of me,” I said, my ironic statement meeting the most scornful expression.
His lip trembled, mad at either me, or himself, or possibly Miguel.
“Yes, I’m terrified of you, Gemma,” he swallowed. “Terrified of losing you permanently. And I won’t let that happen.”
“And you’ll lie to keep your belief safe?” I challenged him once more. Whatever this secret was, it was enough to make him look away, to drop his hands to his gut, as if stopping some wound from bleeding.
“I did what I had to. And I won’t do it again. Ever. And that’s why I’m leaving.” He gathered his phone, stuffing it into his back pocket.
He was running away, just as Parker said he would. I was given all the warnings, but still I ignored them, and now I was afraid it’d ruin me. How could I tell Alejandro that my father did the same thing? That if he left right now, it would be the cruelest reminder that all men leave, that I was destined to slowly—but ultimately—be abandoned like Claire, begging for a man to stay.
I stepped closer, needing to feel him, to calm him down, but he tore his arm away again. “I’m ending this for good now. I’m doing this for us, and I swear it, I’ll be back. I’ll be your good man, no matter how fucking long it takes, and someday this will all make sense, but… just not now.”
He punched the button inside the elevator, his entire rage latched onto my gaze as he disappeared into the eclipse of solid gold doors, leaving me alone, the T.V. loud between the new silence that followed and my reflection in the elevator doors.
Broken.
Just like Claire.
Chapter24
Gemma
The strap of my duffle bag began to pinch the skin on my shoulder as I entered Parker’s hallway. My baggage somehow felt heavier than when I originally left, and in some ways that was true; the once excited feeling that fluttered in my stomach now sat heavy on my chest. I was wrecked since the moment Alejandro left this morning.
“Where are you?” I checked my phone for what I thought was a vibration.
Nothing.
