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“I get that…” I agreed, recalling the indescribable force that drew me to Alejandro. There was something about him—about us—that made me feel like it was ok to be me, but maybe, it was a lot of what Camilla was saying. “When I’m with Alejandro, I feel like I found a piece of something I had lost, some ill-conceived idea of a guardian, some authority that sees past the secrets and codes I put myself through. I feel like I’m being deciphered and appreciated all at once, and I don’t know where it comes from, but it terrifies me. I feel like our story isn’t finished. Then again, maybe it’s—”
“Love,” Camilla interrupted, opening the large wood door with its clanky brass handle. “I know that feeling, because I’m feeling it right now… with Parker.”
For a moment I lost my balance, trying desperately to follow Camilla out of the bathroom and into the bar. What the hell did she just say? Love? Her sudden confession caused a sticky wave of sweat to wash over my chest, like at any moment I could melt into the grooves of the shiplap floors. Maybe it was just the drinks, but my fingers seemed to nervously shake as I hid them in my back pocket. Camilla spoke her truth with such vivid confidence, yet I stood behind, literally following her direction with confused and uncertain thoughts on Alejandro. What did I feel for him? Was it love? Was it something else? Whatever it was, it was different from Parker, who made me feel things on such a magnitude that I still couldn’t get over it.
“Thought you guys fell in!” Tommy shouted from the beach, garnering a laugh from Camilla as we left the bar filled with colorful paper lanterns. I removed my sandals before walking outside, digging my feet into the cool, grainy sand.
Parker looked up, his face iridescent from the large bonfire, caught in the scope of a low hanging moon and shimmering sea light. “Beer, Gem?” he asked, fishing out a Corona from a bucket of ice. He popped it open before I could say yes, reading my mind, knowing what I wanted before I could answer.
“Don’t get her too drunk,” Tommy hollered, having already had a six-pack himself. “We don’t want her getting sick again.”
“I’ve only had three,” I scoffed playfully. “Plus that night I had too much scotch, not beer. You know how strong those are.”
“Bourbon,” Tommy corrected. “It was a three-hundred-dollar bottle of Blanton’s.” He patted the old, cushioned couch he sat on by the fire. “Come sit with me. I’ll keep you warm.”
“It’s summer, no one is cold.” Camilla teased, calling Tommy out as I sat by his side.
“We can still be cozy,” he maintained. “Bet this looks familiar though, doesn’t it, Park? You guys remember?” He took a long sip as Camilla leaned against Parker’s shoulder.
Parker said nothing.
“What’s familiar?” Camilla asked.
“This couch,” Tommy waited for a reaction, and when we said nothing, he sighed. “Oh, come on. You guys really don’t remember?”
Parker and I looked at each other, locked into a brief moment that was just for us. Of course we remembered, the evidence concealed itself in the form of a quick hidden smile.
I shrugged at Tommy. “Actually, it was a little different.”
“Ours had tiny brown flowers on it,” Parker added.
“Lilacs to be exact.” I recalled, remembering how fitting they were at the time, a flower for both youth and innocence.
“You two owned a couch together?” Camilla asked.
Tommy shook his head. “The frat owned it. Big and ugly, but comfortable as hell.”
“It’s what’s on the inside that matters, and the same is true for couches.” Parker flicked a beer cap.
Tommy waved him off. “Whatever. We had one just like this on the roof of the frat house. Him and Gemma always went up there together. One boring, old couch for two boring, old people.” He belly laughed, leaning closer to the fire, his hair dangerously close to the flame as he reached for a new bottle of beer. “I tried to get rid of it, but Parker threw a fit.”
“I don’t throw fits. I simply said, ‘no’. Didn’t I?”
“I object, your honor. It was more like, ‘nooooooooo….’”Tommy mocked, clenching his fist, dropping his knees into the sand. Parker laughed, and I smiled, learning something new about him. “You’d have thought we were throwing out Gemma herself. He was such a baby about it,” Tommy slurred, scooting closer to place his arm over my shoulders.
I blushed, madly embarrassed, but also flattered, not ever immune to Tommy’s goofy charm.
Parker stared at Tommy’s hand, his attention fixed like a directed arrow caught in a cocked bowstring, while Camilla arched her brows, as if saying,see, I told you about Tommy.
“Why didn’t you pursue Gemma in college?” Camilla kicked sand over Tommy’s espadrilles.
“WithDaddyParker in the way? There was no chance! No one could even look at her, let alone try anything else. He waswayoverprotective. Right, Gemma?”
I hesitated to answer.
Way overprotective? Parker always made sure I had money to come to the parties, to eat food, to be safe. Yes, he was protective, and maybe that’s what I wanted when I was younger, but I wasn't sure anymore if it was what I needed.
“It’s true.” Parker inhaled, answering instead. “I was too much. Gemma didn’t need a protector. She deserved better.” He toyed with the top of his beer, thumbing its opening.
