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To be there for me.
Despite the embarrassment I felt, and the sheer mortification, I got up calmly to leave.
But Austin was too quick, darting in front of me. “No way. No fucking way. We are talking about this. We are—”
The coil inside me snapped.
“Talking about it?” I seethed, my body trembling with frustration. “Where were you five years ago when I needed to talk about it? Or last year, when I—” I stopped, forcing myself to take a breath, to think rationally.
Austin slumped against the counter, staring at me like he didn’t recognize me. Yet, somewhere in his gaze was a flicker of realization.
Of regret.
“I don’t understand,” he said quietly.
“Of course, you don’t understand. You’ve never been around long enough to.”
“Rory, come on, that isn’t fair.”
“Fair?” Strangled laughter bubbled inside me, erupting like a volcano. “You’re either really fucking delusional, Austin, or you’ve actually convinced yourself that, somehow, I’m okay. That I’m not severely damaged from years of dealing with Mom.
“Do you know how many therapists I saw between the ages of eleven and fifteen? Do you have any idea how many times I crash dieted only to binge and undo all my hard work?”
Those words… God, I hated those fucking words.
I could hear her voice as plain as day. “Perfection doesn’t come for free, Aurora. It takes a lot of hard work and commitment.”
“I—”
“Of course, you don’t. Because you weren’t there, Austin. You checked out on me just like you checked out on Mom. And I get it. I get it wasn’t easy for you there. In that house. I know the two of you never saw eye to eye. But at least you had hockey. At least you had friends and girlfriends and somewhere to escape to. I had nothing.
“Nothing.” The truth of the words sank into me. Ripping my insides apart and leaving me hollow.
“You had Ben. You had Tierney and your friends. You had—”
“I was almost fifteen by the time I made friends with Tierney.” And then, it had only been out of pity.
“I spent years living under Mom’s shadow. And even now, I can’t escape her.” I grabbed one of the pill bottles and thrust it toward him. “Welcome to my life, Austin.”
“I… fuck.” He jammed his hands into his hair. “Fuck.” It was a quiet, pained sound. “Has she done this before?” He eyed the box.
I nodded, too choked up to reply, shame clinging to every inch of me.
Susannah Hart had made it her life’s mission to try and fix me, and I’d broken myself over and over, gathering what scraps of dignity I had left to stand up to her.
“That’s messed up, Rory. I knew it had been bad for a while. With the modeling stuff, but I didn’t know…”
“Because you didn’t want to know.” I gave him a sad smile.
“You could have told me.”
“Would it have changed anything? You were obsessed with hockey, with getting a scholarship and leaving Syracuse.” Leaving me, I swallowed the words down. “All you ever talked about was getting out of there. Leaving and never looking back.”
“I didn’t mean you, Rory.”
“It felt like it. You had friends and hockey, and this whole life I wasn’t a part of. I had no one, and you had the world at your feet.”
“You could have talked to me. You could’ve made me understand how bad it really was. I know I’ve always been a bit of a selfish asshole, but you’re my sister, Rory. Family.”
