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It wasn’t like I’d tried to explain it, though. But things between us were different now. We grew up, and we grew apart—moved in different directions. His direction literally took him three-hundred miles away from me without so much as a backward glance.
Part of me got why he had to leave. To chase his own dreams instead of living in the shadow of our mother’s. But part of me would never forgive him for leaving me there with her.
The guys left to go to Lakers House about an hour ago. Noah was with them. I heard him joking around with Connor, probably discussing his latest session with an Energizer Bunny or Jessica Rabbit.
The thought alone had me glancing up, looking at myself in the dresser mirror. I looked nothing like the girls he was with earlier. The ringleader, Fallon, I think I heard him call her, was a younger-looking version of Margot Robbie. Long wavy blonde hair, big bright smile, defined cheekbones, and perfect eyebrows. It was hardly any surprise Noah had been with her.
He had a type. Tall, blonde, and slim with curves in all the right places. So beautiful you had to wonder whether it was good genes or something else entirely. After hanging out with Ella and Dayna, I was beginning to wonder if being pretty and in good shape was a prerequisite for getting accepted into Lakeshore U.
If it was, I was screwed.
My cell phone blared away, pulling me from my thoughts. I groaned quietly at the word Mom flashing on the screen. “Hey,” I said.
“Aurora, sweetheart. Thank God. I’ve been worried.”
Really? I wanted to ask but swallowed the words.
Susannah Hart didn’t worry about anyone but herself and her waistline.
“I’ve been busy settling in, Mom,” I said.
“Yes, how is Lakeshore? Although, I supposed I’d know if your brother ever picked up the phone.”
I suppressed a sigh. “You know Austin is busy with the team.”
“You should never be too busy for family, Aurora.”
That was the joke of the century coming from her.
“Did you need something, Mom? Because I have a ton of unpacking to do still.” The lie rolled off my tongue with ease, despite the guilt slithering around inside me.
It was strange, really, to hate a person and yet still crave their approval. But I guess that’s what years of childhood trauma did to a person. It messed with their internal sense of worth. The lens with which they viewed the world and themselves.
“I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing?”
“I’m fine. Everyone has been very welcoming.”
“Good, sweetheart. That’s good. Did you see my latest shoot? The photos made it to their national campaign. Can you believe it? After all this time, I’m on a double spread feature again.”
Of course, that’s why she had really called, to preen about her new campaign. Not because she cared or had any interest in my life. It was all about her.
It always had been, and it always would be.
“No, I didn’t see it yet, Mom.”
She tsked. “You can check it out online, sweetheart. I’d love to hear what you think. You never know; you might feel inspired.” She chuckled, but the sound only made something inside me wither and die. “They had some plus-size models on the shoot. A little smaller than you but so pretty. It’s amazing what a little airbrushing can do here and there, and you know, Aurora, I think if we gave you a makeover and put you on a juice diet for a few weeks, you could—”
“Mom, we’ve been over this.” And over it and over it. “I’m not doing that again.”
“I know, I know, sweetheart.” Disappointment lingered in her voice, and I hated that it still affected me. I hated that, even now, I let her words sink into me and take hold. “But you’re at college now. Before you know it, you’ll have gained the freshman fifteen, and there will be no undoing that damage.” She scoffed as if the idea of gaining weight was utterly unacceptable.
Damage.
The word rattled through me like jagged shards of glass. Cutting me open and making old wounds bleed.
She had no idea how much her words hurt sometimes, how deep the scars ran. Even when I’d tried to tell her—and I’d tried a lot over the years—she didn’t realize.
Or just didn’t care.
